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I've always been one to look for the silver lining, but it's taken a few days to find the good news in the tsunami. Finally, the answer comes: those pre-preview Fanta commercials which seemingly play in every theater before every single film, featuring four lithe, prancing she-whores. These four wriggling, thirst-quenching, multi-culti vixens are getting the bloody hell booed out of them in the theaters now, as they embarrassingly endorse a "tidal wave of flavor." D'oh! There are rumors of an anti-Fanta campaign being mounted, and we imagine Coca-Cola execs are crapping themselves as they rush to pull the ads.

Marketers using tidal wave, earthquake, and burning-orphanage metaphors in their campaigns might be advised to think twice—sooner or later, Mother Nature will bite your lackluster efforts in the ass. See ya, nightmarish Fanta girls! Enjoy your careers in Cinemax soft-core.