Yeah, our sentiments exactly.
2005 Bloggies [official site]

What a blast from the past!
Friendster, Love and Money [NYT]

Paris Hilton is hosting Saturday Night Live this week. As you may know, the heiress/model/author/singer/TV star is many things, but funny is probably not one of them. The SNL writers have an awesome task ahead of them: writing skits for Paris that are funny in a loose, intuitive way (remembering lines and reading cue cards are not ideal), but the skits cannot offend Ms. Hilton or mock any celebrities she might be friends with.

To people under 35, Johnny Carson was at best a pop culture reference in old movies and TV shows: Jack Nicholson chopping in the door shouting "Heeeeere's Johnnnny!" to a terrified Shelley Duvall in The Shining; Bette Midler serenading Krusty the Clown on his last show on The Simpsons; Dana Carvey saying everything was "weird, wild stuff" as Johnny on Saturday Night Life. At worst, Carson was a dated curio, a Trivial Pursuit stumper.

The other day we reprinted some of the campaign promises of outsider mayoral candidate Christopher X. Brodeur.

Our tech nerd brother sent us this mysterious photo whose origins we cannot even begin to fathom.

Friday:
· Money ain't a thang. Unless you're shoegazing New York chamber-rockers Sea Ray, that is. Then it's an unfortuante cause for a breakup. The kids are callin it quits after eight years in the indie biz, so bid them adieu at Mercury Lounge tonight. [Mercury Lounge]
· Test your coolness baromoter and try to get into the "private" show of Austin-based Pitchfork darlings And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead at Rothko. [Rothko]
· Bloomberg spawn Emma and Vogue editor Sally Singer throw an iceskating party out in Brooklyn to benefit the Prospect Park Junior Commitee, whatever the fuck that is. Make sure to keep the skate blades away from any Vogue underlings required to be in attendance. [WUNY]
Saturday:
· Reps from the Onion, Soft Skull press, and Blakkat join a bevy of other artists at OfficeOps in Billyburg for the "And So Forth" assembly, where they discuss the ways that art can bring about social change. Good luck with that. [AIFP]
· When a band has members named Pony, Achilles, and Sanchez, you might want to check 'em out. The stage-named boys of The Fever bring their catchy indie blend of synth-punk to the Bowery Ballroom tonight. [BB]
Sunday:
· Will the Philadelphia Eagles lose their 4th straight NFC title game? Are the Pats poised for their 3rd Superbowl in the Bill Bilichick era? If you don't care about either of these things, then stay in bed and spoon your TiVo, 'cause it's not getting any better out there.

Ever wonder what life is like after winning UPN's reality modeling competition, America's Next Top Model? Well, if seeing the first winner, Adrianne Curry, shame herself on VH1's Surreal Life wasn't answer enough, a reader reports that second season victor Yoanna House isn't exactly living a glamourous life on the runway:

In a half-assed attempt to salvage the remaining fragments of our souls, we try to avoid watching Access Hollywood. Thankfully, there are people wonderfully insane enough to not only watch the schlockfest, but to also transcribe the finer moments of certain episodes! Last night, the fabulous Tara Reid gave an interview to the most annoying man on earth, seat-climber Billy Bush, in which she revealed the inside scoop on her disturbing nip-slip and partying ways:

We don't particularly object to Spin; we actually like the magazine, in the same way we genuinely like having our kneecaps caned by the door guy at the Dark Room. It's annoying, but we always come back for more. So we won't even address the irony of the Killers on the cover of the "next big thing issue" (a year late, a Fox drama short), because there's surely someone in North Dakota who has yet to discover these guys.

The entrepreneurs who brought you the Save Mary-Kate t-shirt were obviously not chastened by the cease-and-desist letter the Olsen twins' corporation, DeathstarDualstar Entertainment, served them back in September. Maybe they'll have better luck with hawking shirts with Topher Grace's graven, bony image. Uck. That image is almost enough to make us stop beating off to That 70s Show. Almost.

It's time to holla at this week's sponsors, who paid for the space heaters necessary to keep our typing fingers nicely thawed. Interested in sharing the love? Info here.

Literary sex god Neal Pollack continues to plunder his own unpleasant memories for his Nerve column "Bad Sex with Neal Pollack."

· Has reality Mafia star Victoria Gotti escaped from the rusty shackles of Star magazine? After long-standing reports of disagreements between her and editor Bonnie Fuller (go figure), Gotti's column has been missing from the magazine. Standard denials have been issued. [R&M (3rd item)]
· Designer Ralph Lauren holds a clean, crisp grudge over a 2 year-old unauthorized biography penned by Michael Gross. For an upcoming Boston museum exhibition of Lauren's car collection, the Americana-peddler's people have asked that Gross' work be "banned" from the museum's bookstore. [Page Six]
· Speculation regarding the Bush family's embrace of Satan continues; not only is the Univeristy of Texas hand gesture synonymous with satanic shadow puppetry, but it also means "bullshit" in sign language. [Lowdown]
· NB to Robert DeNiro: when you career is slowly slipping because of Meet the Fockers, filming a sequel to Taxi Driver might not be the best solution. [Page Six]

We end Gawker's Day of Nostalgia with the news that Donald Trump's wedding to Marla Maples is coming along as planned, courtesty of AM New York.

· We're usually not ones to send you scurrying off to the dark side, but this is for a good cause: Moby, Lou Reed, DJ Spooky, and a host of others perform at Marquee for the "artists for Tsunami Relief" party. A suggested donation of 30 bucks gets you a ticket and open bar between 7-9. [flavorpill]
· Don't stay home crying about four more years of Bush and Co. Swing on by The Tank tonight at 7:30 for Drinking Liberally, a night of drinking, dancing, and left-leaning commiserating. While you're there, be sure to try some of The Brewnettes' election-themed microbrew, Winter of Our Discontent Ale. [The Tank]
· Avant-garde film-maker (that's "film," not "movie," you goddamned philistine) Kenneth Anger introduces his latest flick, "Mouse Heaven," along with some of his other recent works, tonight at MoMa. [MoMA]

We're slowly starting to grasp what this whole blog thing is all about thanks to the enthusiastic words of proponents of the medium like Wired News' Adam Penenberg. In his "Media Hack" column, Penenberg preaches the blog gospel today with a piece called Like It or Not, Blogs Have Legs. (Wait, they have legs now? They're evolving too fast to control the gene pool!)

We'll just let Goldenfiddle comment on the state of a newly-sober Courtney Love:
"SWEET JESUS!! SOMEBODY GET THIS WOMAN SOME DRUGS!!! SHE NEEDS THE DRUGS!!!!! COURTNEY?! CAN YOU HEAR US?"
Let's Hear It For The Modern Skirts [Goldenfiddle]

· Lonely, lusty housewives everywhere say a silent prayer for the recovery of actor George Clooney, who recently underwent "spinal cap" surgery. Fluid leakage from the spinal column never sounded so damn sexy. [Page Six]
· Rapper Ja Rule issues a face-to-face challenge to rival 50 Cent via the medium of the Daily News' Lowdown column. Very effective, as we're sure 50 Cent reads [redacted's] column every single day. [Lowdown]
· Katie Couric's boytoy, jazz trumpeter Chris Botti, reportedly backed out of the inauguration after rocker Sting persuaded him against performing. Meanwhile, we tip our hats to Botti's PR team, who have managed to slip his name into Page Six twice in the same week. [Page Six]
· Some sources say Angelina Jolie didn't have an affair with then-attached actor Brad Pitt. Some sources insist that the two were definitely involved. And some sources report that she shares a cottage in Vermont with Tupac and garnishes her baked potatoes with twigs and dried leaves. [Scoop]

It was only a matter of time before someone found a reason to press charges against substance-hounding socialite Paris Hilton, but we hoped it'd be for something like abusing Iraqi prisoners in the basement of her Hollywood Hills manse. Alas, we can't pick our celebrity downfalls, so we have to revel in what little nibbles of lawlessness we can get.