· SOMEONE'S wife was arrested yesterday for driving with a suspended license. At the Central Park precinct, THIS SOMEONE told a A CERTAIN PAPER: "I'd rather her not be in the papers. She's not a public figure." [Page Six]
· The Daily News, however, likely wasn't explicitly asked by Jon Stewart to keep this one quiet. [R&M]
· The Charlotte RonsonBot has split ways with Rocawear. Reportedly, the designer has yet to receive proper payment from Rocawear chieftan Damon Dash. Dash, it seems, has a lot of trouble paying his people. [Lowdown]
· Madonna! Boy George! Gays! Kabbalah! Bitchy! Whee! [Page Six]

If you didn't catch the debut of MTV's latest Grubtastic venture, PoweR Girls (the capitalization of the "R" is really pissing us off — how goddamned witty), you are a disobedient wretch. We can't even look at you right now, you thankless whore... Alright, maybe you didn't watch it because you had better things to do, like hitting your corns up with some pumice. Whatever your excuse may be, Gawker special correspondent David J. Klein endured small screen Lizzie and her band of doltish minions, just for you. After the jump, the first report in his weekly (or however long he can take it) PoweR Girls coverage.

Is Paris Hilton a liar? Or a scientific genius?

· Philly's Diplo, of MIA/Hollertronix fame, takes over Rothko tonight. Is it just us, or should this dude move to New York already? Then he could take up residency in our office. [flavorpill]
· If Random House doesn't want your rambling autobiography, maybe it's time you just published the damn thing yourself. Get some pointers at the Small Press Center, where Get Your War On creator David Rees will let you into the light. [Small Press]
· Did drum 'n bass duo Death From Above 1979 actually meet in jail? Beats us — we're not cool enough to know that kind of thing. We are cool enough, however, to read the listings and see that they do play at Bowery Ballroom tonight. [BB]

Yeah, yeah. Arrest warrant. Michael Jackson. Link. Running late. Hospital. Court. Penis. Whatever. All we care about is the animated siren on Drudge.

Not a professional journalist, Bizarro Gawker is not, but in normal world, journalists send interview requests to actresses, not versa-vice. Which strange, made this email in outbox:

what gives
your comments section
made firefox crash
coding error maybe

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com. [NB: No more Eric Nies reports, please. He's just not worth it.]

The LAT takes a look at the Vine Street Lounge, the latest nightlife addition to the part of "downtown Hollywood" that was once infested with hookers, stripper clothing outlets, and the homeless, and which now is overrun with stripper clothing outlets, Scientology-owned real estate, and celebrity-baiting clubs.

Virginia Heffernan weighs in on Power Girls, the new MTV reality show starring four slaves of perma-tan publicist Lizzie Grubman. (And oh, that tan. Surely her dermatologist is livid.):

· Our wee sense of decency wants to ignore this, but our sense of duty compells us to trumpet otherwise: BRUCE WILLIS AND LINDSAY LOHAN GROPE EACH OTHER! In case you were wondering, Willis is just shy of 50 and Lohan is 18, which means he's technically old enough to be her father. Twice. [Page Six]
· Is Britney Spears getting jealous of her husband, Kevin Federline? Now that K-Fed has graced the cover of details and we've come out of our lustful closets, sources say Britney is getting a bit insecure and protective of her man. [Lowdown]
· Brad Pitt's publicist bitch-slaps Star for outright lying. The mag was going to run a piece claiming that during re-shoots for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Brad and Angelina Jolie were laughing about his recent separation from Jennifer Aniston. Too bad those re-shoots haven't even happened yet. Also? This movie is going to make sooo much money. [Page Six]
· Marlon Brando: dead, but a child molester? [R&M (2nd item)]
· Jane Fonda, asserting that she truly is old, goes for hip-replacement surgery. [Scoop (2nd item)]

Ladies, please. There's more than enough skeezy, B-level star to go 'round.

The author, second from left, and pre-op Jessica Simpson.

· Regular independent cinema just isn't indie enough for you, you fucking snob? You're in luck: the New York Underground Film Festival kicks off today. 15 features, over 110 shorts, and a whole lotta bespectacled Tisch students. [flavorpill]
· Chick lit is soo 2k4: the next installment of the Cupcake reading series takes place tonight at Lolita, featuring comic book authors and illustrators Megan Kelso and Ariel Bordeaux. You can bet there won't be any tales of young, professional women searching for love in the big city. Thank God. [Upcoming]
· Are your bookshelves high on space? Low on pretension? Head on over to Tom Banjo's Warehouse Sale, sponsored by Printed Matter. Thousands of zines, books, records, and videos are all heavily discounted. The limited-edition Ryan McGinness prints, however, are not. [Paper]

Now that Martha Stewart has emerged from her five-month sabbatical at Alderson Federal Prison Camp looking refreshed and svelte, the spa-going crew is wondering if Martha might be on to something:

What's Dani Levy's next step after bringing the best and coolest stuff to Manhattan's stylish ladies? Healing the historical rift between Germans and Jews after the former tried to, like, anihilate the latter, of course.

rosie oh rosie
we just don't understand
your blog is like
the trail of tears

· Footwear (we're loathe to call them "shoes") designer Steve Madden is set to be released early from prison, where he's been serving for stock fraud and money laundering. Somehow, we doubt his release will merit the same sort of 24-hour coverage as that of Ms. Stewart. [Page Six]
· Speaking of Stewart coverage: Oh my God! Martha's post-prison plane landing of 2:08 AM violated the Westchester County runway hours! Gasp! [R&M]
· Celebrity skeleton report: Alexandra Von Furstenburg joins Mary-Kate Olsen and Allegra Beck in the anorexia club; Drew Barrymore continues to shrink. [Page Six]
· Feuding rappers The Game and 50 Cent might just patch things up, thanks to the Boys Choir of Harlem. Singing children can touch the hearts of even the most hardened men, no? [Lowdown]
· Marc Anthony has painted a nude portrait of his wife, Jennifer Lopez. We're sorry; we know you never really wanted to know that. [Scoop (2nd item)]

For the record, this baby is currently tacked to our refrigerator.

· Sarah Morris, widely known for her geometrized renderings of flashy metropoles, gets all US Weekly for her latest work by capturing the surgically-enhanced movie-bots of Los Angeles in Oscar prep-mode. We're pretty sure Harvey Weinstein is not one of these surgically-enhanced movie-bots, but everyone else seems fair game. She speaks at the New School tonight. [flavorpill]
· Going to a Cat Power show is kinda like buying drugs from a sketchy dude in a bathroom stall: total crapshoot. Will she actually perform? Perform well? Freak out? Cancel? $17.50 and a subway ride to Southpaw in Brooklyn and you can find out for yourself. [Southpaw]
· Jonathan Lethem (Fortress of Solitude) and Colson Whitehead (John Henry Days) read today to raise money for the library at P.S. 107 in Brooklyn. Goddamn tryhards. [TONY]