Robert Iler, the Dell Dude, and Zach from Desperate Housewives respond: Now you tell us?

With Edgar Ray Killen going to prison for planning the "Mississippi Burning" murders of three civil rights workers in 1964, Six Flags will presumably have to find a new spokesman. This just keeps getting better.

If you'll forgive us a brief moment of seriousness, we're pleased to see today's Times and News giving prominent, Page One coverage to yesterday's manslaughter conviction of Edgar Ray Killen. He's the Klansman who, 41 years earlier to the day, masterminded the killings of three civil-rights workers, including two idealistic New Yorkers who had traveled south, in Philadelphia, Miss. He was never before tried by the state, and there was a hung jury in his federal trial, and so he's been free all this time. It took four decades, but now he'll likely spend the rest of his life in jail.

While Drudge babbles on about wanting to see some nudie pics, the copies of Michael Jackson's Thriller are suddenly worth owning again. Dust off your white glove and behold, from top to bottom, the progression of Thriller's sales rankings on Amazon.com:

· Chelsea uber-restaurant The Park — perennial favorite of the uptown pioneers who want to feel "downtown" without the mess — was closed today, and we're hearing it had to do with the sale of Jesus Juice to minors. The maitre'd confirmed to us that the venue is currently closed because of a "legal issue," but their doors will be open again by 6 tonight, just in time for mango mojito happy hour.
· After dissing just about every other music publication, The White Stripes grant Fader mag with an interview. [Fader]
· Oh, for the love of all that is holy, say it isn't so: R&B group Destiny's Child has run its course of promoting Beyoncé to fame and Jay-Z and is calling it quits after the complete their current tour (which should help ticket sales). [FMT]
· Now that Michael Jackson's free to touch whomever, wherever, it's time for a comeback!!! [Defamer]
· And we know just the publicist to help Jacko come-backo (har, har): Lizzie Grubman, of course. [NYP]

Let's help out all the headline writers, shall we?

Holy fuck, it's a double siren! Remember this day, because you'll be telling your grandchildren about it — that is, assuming you don't die first of sheer anticipation.

Despite the heat, yesterday's Puerto Rican Day parade was about pure celebration. Amongst the hundreds of thousands of revelers, a mere 120 members of the Latin Kings gang were arrested, an lone three people were stabbed, just a handful of guns, knives, and drugs were confiscated, and only two NYPD officers were drunkenly groping women. By all accounts, the event was a smashing success.

From a tipster:

Russell Crowe has opened up to Australia's Daily Telegraph newspaper, which we think shouldn't get that much credit for the scoop since, well, there it's already tomorrow. Crowe says he's "ashamed," that he didn't aim the phone at the hotel worker and that he's "at the bottom of a well," just like Baby Jessica. Speaketh, Crowe, speaketh!

You can probably be certain that Macaulay Culkin will be keeping his distance from Oklahoma from now on. The Good Son pleaded guilty about an hour ago to misdemeanor drug charges and will face a one-year deferred jail term and more than 1,000 bucks in fees. It was his first time in a courtroom since a month ago, when he confused Michael Jackson by showing up to testify looking like a fully grown gay man.—WL

Great news: The Russell Crowe Phone-Beating Souvenir Docket is now available on 100% cotton t-shirts, ranging in sizes from men's XXL to the popular ladies' "baby tee" cut in XS. Order now and receive a free Australian flag with all purchases.

Unless you're nine years old, it's hard to be murdered in New York City. The city released its 2004 crime index numbers today, and crime is down 4 percent from last year. According to the city, New York ranks 221st out of 240 cities nationwide in the crime index. Just to taunt, they point out that the murder rate of 7 per 100,000 people is substantially better than Los Angeles (13.5), Chicago (14.5), Philadelphia (22.1) and Detroit (41.5; apparently in Detroit, they just pop people right at the border). This is all fine and good, of course, because dying is not fun, particularly when it ends with someone holding your wallet and dragging you into an alley. On the other hand, we can't help but think that the lack of death is the reason our rent keeps going up. —WL

The gross injustices of Manhattan's First Precinct, in broad daylight.

Did you know there was a place in New York called "New Dorp Beach?" We've been here a while now, but we'd never heard of it. Though we're told that it was a big controversy when Dorp Beach changed its formula to New Dorp Beach. Fortunately, the best-selling video series "Dorp On Golf" has apparently kept the Staten Island community in the public eye.

Apparently, that Dell dude isn't the only guy all uppity at 4:20 in the morning. Russell Crowe was arrested this morning at 4:20 and charged with throwing his telephone at a Mercer Hotel employeee during what the BBC calls a "row." (They're very cute in England, with their funny words.) Early details are sketchy, but Crowe must show up at Manhattan Criminal Court today to face the second-degree assault charges.

A hijack alert was erroneously activated this morning on a Virgin Atlantic flight from Heathrow to JFK, forcing an emergency landing in Nova Scotia. Fearing for the worst, Canada took one for Team NYC and the plane was landed in the dispensible Great White North:

Now available on t-shirts and coffee mugs, the Christian Slater GropeGate Docket is the perfect gift for that special someone in your life:

Bad news on the human rights front: There's been a major cocaine bust in Palisades Park, New Jersey. Cruel federal agents mercilessly snatched over 900 pounds of cocaine from the quiet, suburban "stash house," estimating the drugs to be worth at least $40 million (or more, if you're buying from that dude at the bodega on 2nd Avenue).

There's news today on the latest threat to the PlayStation Portable, a handheld video game called "Bin Laden vs. US," in which little LCD planes fly into the Twin Towers. (Perhaps this might slow down real-estate meshugines Rudin Management's aggressive recruitment of Israeli companies for thier space in the financial district.) While the existence of this game is nothing new, you should still express fresh outrage at its presence in Bloomberg country! Now take a moment to appreciate the beauty of our terror alert as it rises to a luscious level of coral: