We'd normally be the last place on earth to deliver an anti-drug message, but after no less than six people have overdosed on heroin in the past week, we feel slightly compelled to ask that you put down the needle. Especially if your hookup is below 14th:
The Black Table has an interesting piece written by Mia Amato, who had the strange fortune of being screened as a potential juror for the trial of John Gotti Jr. Somewhat remarkably, Amato made it to the voir dire phase of screening, where the judge began to ask personal questions:
Is it ever too late for late-breaking for pervert news? We think not, and so we present you with a picture of a man allegedly of the old-school, trench-coat-wearing flasher variety. After exposing himself to a female subway rider last week, his picture was quickly captured by the victim. The suspect, wearing a fur-lined trench coat despite the August heat, reportedly has an "ugly little cock." We're sure you know someone who fits this description, but do check for the furry trench before you contact the authorities.
Great news from the world of celebrity weeklies, a magical land which forevermore shall be thought of as Geniusville:
• Sincere props to Radar for this gem: During Donatella Versace's naughtier days, "she stumbled into a glass table in Vogue editor Anna Wintour's office, sending shards flying." But really, who hasn't? [Lowdown (2nd to last)]
• A teacher at an East Hampton school has been cleared of child pornography charges but is nevertheless fired. Community members are still angry about the silence surrounding the investigation. WASPs refusing to talk about dirty secrets? Shocking. [Page Six]
• In an effort to prove that she can say more than, "You're still in the running to become America's next Top Model," Tyra Banks has started taping for her new talk show. Confessions of a Video Vixen author Karrine Steffans, however, said that her interview on the show was so bad that she wanted to rip off Tyra's wig. Oh no she didn't! [R&M (2nd item)]
• And because the sun simply won't shine unless someone's ragging on Martha Stewart, her Bedford neighbors are now bitching that the housebound diva is taping TV footage in her home. Still no complaints of Stewart of using her estate as an Al Qaeda training camp, however. [Cindy Adams]
Poor 50 Cent. After the rapper's show last night at Madison Square Garden (which capped off a fun-filled day of book signing), members of his posse, G-Unit, were pulled over at 41st Street and Eighth Avenue for running a red light. Sticking true to the stereotypes, the cops found more than traffic violations:
From the slideshow accompanying today's Times article about local graffiti writers and their skirmishes with increasingly tough law enforcers, the image at right appears with the following caption: "Harley, a 19-year-old East Village resident whose tag name is IMUNE, uses Martha Stewart pink paint at 5 Pointz in Queens."
As the psychics at Page Six predicted yesterday, Martha Stewart spent her 64th birthday getting smacked with another three weeks in home confinement. Having spent the past five months serving out the remainder of her sentence from the dungeons of her Bedford, N.Y., uber-farm, Stewart became inexplicably naughty and attended an illicit yoga class in Bedford Hills, then furtively stopped by a neighboring bookstore. When the Post published a picture of Martha driving a cart to engage in these questionable activities, federal probation officials saw cause for additional punishment — sadly, she would have otherwise been free as of next Wednesday.
Just in time for her 64th birthday today, post-incarceration domestication machine Martha Stewart is looking at more time under house arrest. Stewart — whose stint in the slammer has been rewarded with two upcoming television shows — is allegedly facing punishment because of a Post report that Stewart had violated the terms of her house arrest by taking yoga classes in town with her daughter Alexis.
As arguably America's cultural capital (or so we'd like to think, anyhow, what with bands like Haunted Pussy running around), New York should take a lot of pride in the talented artists visiting our music scene. Last week, the family-friendly SummerStage series at Central Park, hosted the popular Candian band Broken Social Scene. When BSS's Dave Newfeld and a friend hit Lexington Park to stock up on their necessary pre-show weed (dude, you can't have an arts scene and expect sobriety), Newfeld experienced firsthand NYPD's legendary devotion to public safety:
• Serial Groper Christian Slater turns down a plea bargain regarding his alleged ass-grabbing. Ain't no prosecutor gonna get our Kuffs to back down like that. [CNN]
• Rehabariffic author James Frey wants Bloomberg to stop letting Albany fuck NYC. Right on; we'll decide who's fucking whom around here! [Gothamist]
• Is it really worth our time to make a correction regarding anything written by Times chief fabricator Alan Feurer? [TMFTML]
• Only in L.A. does a blogging make one "the most respected journalist in town." [ L.A. Independent]
• Panhandler vs. Panhandler, honesty edition. [ONY]
• You know it's bad when Victor Bockris is a defendant on People's Court. Episode aired this afternoon, was a real tearjerker. [BCM]
In a move that has us slightly jealous of anyone arrested at the right time and place, New York has agreed to pay off inmates whose strip searches went a wee bit too far:
As New Yorkers wonder whether or not our subways are safe from the terror of panhandlers, our brethren across the pond are coping with Al Qaeda's latest attack as best as they can. We contacted our favorite ex-pat, UK Maxim editor and HuffPo king Greg Gutfeld, for a play-by-play of how London is handling today's terror:
Shocking news from Staten Island: High school basketball coach Drew Sanders (at right) has been charged with second-degree attempted assault, fourth-degree criminal possession of a weapon, 23 counts of forcible touching, 23 counts of third-degree sexual abuse and two counts of endangering the welfare of a child. According to two 15-year-old boys, Sanders has spent the past two years intermittently pulling down their pants after basketball practice and spanking them (with his bare hand or, if their suicide sprints were really lackluster, a wooden paddle) for missing shots.
This really isn't the sort of thing to joke about, and nothing we've yet read gives any information on what caused it, and, even if it is a terroristic sort of bombing, the timing could well be entirely coincidental. But at least six blasts hit London's subway system and a bus today, a day after the city was chosen for the 2012 Olympics. And the headlines immediately reminded us why we're so very glad the Olympics aren't coming here.
Here we are with our panties all in a bunch about Time reporter Matthew Cooper agreeing to testify and the New York Times' Judith Miller getting hauled off to jail, and we've gone and ignored the day's other Big Huge Legal Story of Earth-Shattering Proportions! Kimberly Jones (who some of you might know as the slightly-clothed rapper Lil' Kim) has just been sentenced to 12 months in prison for lying to a grand jury about her friends' involvement in a 2001 shooting outside the Hot 97 radio station studio. No doubt Kim is devasted — going down for perjury completely lacks street cred. Even Martha Stewart's insider trading tastes hardcore in comparison.
Vanity Fair has Martha Stewart on its next cover, and what she has to say isn't particularly surprising. She's not sorry ("You can't be sorry for something that — let's see, how can I say this? I'm on appeal. You don't appeal if you think that you should be sorry."), house arrest is no fun ("I hate lockdown. It's hideous."), and her forthcoming ripoff of The Apprentice won't go so far as to ripoff The Donald's trademark phrase ("For instance, if someone is from Idaho, I could say, 'You're back in Boise for apple-picking time.'"). It's just so much fluffy VF blah blah blah, we were figuring.
Two Norwegian 20-somethings reported being robbed at knifepoint in Central Park at about 11:30 Monday night. New York's Finest sprung to action — searching the park along with the two victims, showing them mug shots, and, the next morning, following up at the hostel where they were staying.
Meet American Apparel's newest model, Plywood. Plywood won a wet t-shirt contest in Montreal, so we decided to bring it here to New York. You can find Plywood at our store on the corner of Houston and Orchard, where someone hurled a trash can through our window yesterday at 4:30 AM. Not only is Plywood being put to good use, but it's also dating our founder, Dov Charney. Stop by and see Plywood make out with Dov, plus check out our new sheer jersey tees and the rest of our vertically integrated, sweat-shop free collection.
