• Being one of the top three voice-over artists in Israel well qualifies you to represent the West Side in the state assembly. Obviously. [The Politicker/NYO]
• Get inside the mind of one of the funny-in-a-not-funny-at-all-way people who are capable of winning The New Yorker's cartoon-caption contest. [Emdashes]
• Because nothing screams Christmas like a belligerent, drunken drag queen, Jackie Beat is in town with a new holiday show. [NYC Stories]
• Support your local feminist pun on a synonym for breasts, and check out Bust magazine's Craftacular in — where else? — Williamsburg this weekend. [A Brooklyn Life]

• One intrepid girl reporter goes to see Brokeback Mountain in Chelsea — and lives to tell the tale! Probably because she waited till she got home to pan Heath Ledger. [You Can't Make It Up]
• We're surprised by just how easily Miss Cleo's psychic manual could double as a guide to first dates in Manhattan, especially the part about trying so hard not to get dumped — er, hung up on — in the first two minutes. [The Assimilated Negro]
• What every New York kid wants for Hannukwanzamas this year: My First Bling. [Verbose Coma]
• The New York Public Library is selling a souvenir snowglobe that it thinks truly encapsulates a snowy day in New York. Except that a different kind of snowy day is even more common in these parts. [Repetition Compulsion]
• How Lou Reed likes his first course, as reported by the waitress who served him last night at THOR: "I want a salad with NO DRESSING and I like pumpkin seeds and pumpkin oil and sea salt, but not regular sea salt PINK SEA SALT (ed: what the fuck is pink sea salt?). And I want NO BUTTER OR CREAM IN ANYTHING." [Embrace the Dull]
• Looks like Google is looking for a throw down. Who you calling a white fat guy, bitch? [StreeterSeidell.com]

• Ever wonder what happens to assistant professors of English lit when they don't get tenure? They take up drunken residence on the corner outside the Hotel Chelsea , of course. [Living with Legends]
• Like when reading Mr. Melville, we also have little idea what's going on we read the city teachers' contract. For both, though, there are Cliffs Notes. (Though, unless someone will be grading us on our comprehension of the contract, we're not sure why we'd bother reading it.) [Miscellaneous Objections]
• Cop bars don't make us think, "Let's get a drink." They make us think, "Shit, my dealer will never come here." But to each his own. [Tomato Diaries]
• It's lies, all lies, on Overheard in New York, as one tipster discovers. [Lindsayism]

• Here's what happens when you spend too long cooped up in a Midtown office: Meet Dancing A-Train Man. [Fish Drink Water]
• Krispy Kreme in Chelsea closes. Because the gays realizd bathing-suit season is only seven months away. [BlogChelsea]
• We're just pissed off that if you cut up dead bodies at home, they call you a serial killer. But if you display them at South Street Seaport, you're a scientist. Some people, however, can get past that to go enjoy the Bodies exhibit. [I'm. You're. Idle.]
• You know that place Rice to Riches on Spring Street? No? Well, apparently it's quite good, apparently it has been invaded by NYUers, and apparently some dude has way too much time to spend thinking about writing about this. [20 Dollars a Day]

• We don't know much about medieval history, so we have no idea why this stained glass window at the Cloisters seems to contain an image of George W. This also means we don't know if the skeleton dude above him represents Cheney or Condi. [The Rat Charmer's Gazette]
• Midtown West's Ye Olde Tripple Inn, where we've tipple one or three over the years, and which was apparently a significant comedy venue once upon a time, gets the flashing red light today. [Felber Frolics]
• Only our beloved mascot, Kruci, could go on a hike near Masada and end up frolicking in a waterfall with throngs of frum chicks. [Jewlicious]
• A blogging cabbie seems to think there's a war on between tour buses and yellow cabs. Is it wrong that we hope both lose? [New York Hack]
• Hey, Dodgeball's got all sorts of nifty new features. They will presumably be useful to founder Dennis Crowley's friends, who are the only people we've known to use the service. [Teen Drama]

• In New York statues, even the Greek gods are Jewish.
[Joe. My. God.]
• That calendar of half-naked New York City firemen is out. And one of them's even a fireman-slash-go-go dancer. Who knew such a thing existed? [Naked City Boys]
• Ever wondered, particularly when you're stuck trying to get around one on a crowded subway, what a woman could possibly be carrying that fills up such a freakin' enormous purse? Here's your answer, in meticulous detail.
[You Can't Make It Up]

• It's nice to see that prisoners are being taken to visit Santa at Macy's. We do wonder, thought, if they're even offered the naughty-or-nice option. [Extrawack!]
• We're so amazed this guy didn't get himself shot — or at least arrested — by postering the Times Square recruiting office, we're even willing to overlook being a bit confused as to what his poster means. [Gammablog]
• Sure, corporate-sponsored graffiti is irritating. But couldn't the artists protesting it try to be a bit more creative — hell, even as creative — as the ads they're defacing? [Wooster Collective]

• At movie premiere, lifesize King Kong attacks Times Square. But the Burger King was much more frightening. [Towleroad]
• You find many things on the streets of New York. But a guide to peeing sounds especially worthwhile. Especially, we find, at 3 in the morning. [NYC Stories]
• This is the image we think of when we think of New York in the winter: a gentle snowfall, and a trash bag flying gently in the breeze. [A Brooklyn Life]

• We've wondered before where those Christmas tree guys sleep. (In a communal camper, apparently.) But we've never wondered about sleeps with them. Till now. [The Company Bitch]
• A when a list of recommended holiday-shopping stores starts with shops named "Swallow" and "Zipper," you've got to wonder what the person writing the guide is typically shopping for. [A Brooklyn Life]
• NYC gay-press merger leaves one less rag to not read, and, presumably, drives up ad prices for "personal massages."

• Not only did this chick enjoy her Gotham Writers' Workshop class, but she even eventually got a book deal from it. Hell, meantime, has frozen over. [Belle in the Big City]
• The Assimilated Negro discovers what it's like to be a woman in New York. [TAN]
• The Broadway version of The Color Purple, which opened last night, reduces once (semi-) intelligent critics to phrases like "bright, shiny" and "nicey-nice." [GalleyCat]
• Every classy Post editor Col Allan send his departing crosstown rival Michael Cooke a special farewell gift: Women's shoes. [The Politicker/NYO]

• A Quinnipiac poll found that New Yorkers like New York. Follow up questions included, "Yeah, but do you like like New York or just like New York?" and, "Which U.S. city is your BFF?" [Adfreak]
• Where we come from, it's polite to wait to get home before you throw out a gift bag. At the IFP Gotham Awards — New York's indie warmup for Oscar season — there is apparently no such etiquette guideline. [The Reeler]
• Never mind the pole falling on the little girl, the real Thanksgiving parade scandal was Pikachu giving his pole to Ronald McDonald. Which, of course, was caught on film. [Cityrag]
• We think that Rosa Parks might have preferred a more meaningful tribute — like, say, bus routes in low-income communities — but the MTA has decided to go with leaving bus lights on and the first seats empty tomorrow. [Liberal Serving]
• We find it hard to imagine a fate worse than serving as a seatfiller for the Country Music Awards. Some people, however, evidently enjoyed it. (Though not enough to post about it within two weeks of the event. [Tinsel and Rot]

• You don't have to be old to think that them gosh-darn whippersnappers always protesting in Union Square are somewhat laughable. [Carpathian Kitten Loss]
• We're not even all that fond of cold pizza the next morning, much less cold pizza that's been shipped around the world. But we guess that's the only choice if you want a good pie outside NYC. [Slice]
• Yes, yes, we know it's totally legitimate for Christmas ads to be up by now. But who decided to start advertising for St. Patrick's Day concerts in November? [Extrawack!]

• Santa Claus is coming to town! And he's gonna drunkenly slap the ass of anyone who gets in his way. [New Yorkology]
• People are starting to piss off The Bouncer. It would seem a good idea that you not do so. [Clublife]
• We were afraid we were the only ones to feel lonely and depressed and get panic attacks whenever we think about Queens. Turns out we're not alone. [Joseph's Sissy Diaries]
• We'll believe that the "art world avant garde" is moving to Staten Island when MOMA opens a museum there. [The Real Estate]

• We'd basically come to the conclusion that the construction on 13th Street near Sixth Avenue would last, well, forever. Perhaps we were mistaken. [Tomato Diaries]
• The first step to throwing a good protest: Make sure you have the right address for the place you intend to protest. [Uffish Thoughts]
• Are the mysterious stickers of the new "Blue" building going up on the Lower East Side protest or marketing? [What About the Plastic Animals?]
• Iran would be a superpower, if only its young people would stop whacking off. [The Muk Report]
• Welcome to Googleplex: Chelsea. It's the size of the Mall of America, only cooler, because Google will be moving there. [Curbed]

• It seems there's an "unofficial" Echo and the Bunnymen show tonight at The Diesel Store. Because nothing says indie and cool like giant corporate sponsorship. [Brooklyn Vegan]
• In our experience, groups of men shaving each other have been doing for reasons other than raising money for kids. But, hey, to each his own. Shave tonight, in the East Village! [NYC Stories]
• The gays attempt to stop the spread of religion in their neighborhood. God apparently lowers property values, and looks tacky too. [Blog Chelsea]

• Do all mayors get busts sculpted out of hummus? Or did Bloomberg have to pay someone for this? [A Brooklyn Life]
• We always suspected that the kids in Park Slope were genetically programmed to annihilate humanity. We were right. [Overheard in New York]
• Although we dispute whether they can truly be "thrift" stores when nothing they sell costs less than $50, here's a chance to vote for your favorite one. [Apartment Therapy]
• Oh, yay! A chance to relive being 14: You can wait out all night for Rent tickets. And then you can write in your diary about how you really really really want to be a Broadway star when you grow up. [Modern Fabulosity]

• If even the DJ at Misshapes is driven to drink herself unconscious, shouldn't that be a statement on how terrible the music is? [Sarah's So Boring Ever Since She Stopped Drinking]
• We always thought the greatest show on earth involved clowns running around pretending to hit people, not beating them with plungers. Seems we were mistaken. [The Spunker]
• Given the number of people who have pulled knives on us in this city, we're sure we think public knife-skills courses are a good idea. Some, however, feel otherwise. [BlogChelsea]
• Coming soon to the Strand's "Fiction Specials" table: Belle in the Big City. [Belle in the Big City]
• As if Katie Holmes isn't enough, the Scientologists are now preying on other children, too. [Cityrag]
• Pick your favorite King Kong to accost the Empire State Building during the movie's inevitable promotional blitz. [The Reeler]

• It's prime apple season, and, also, "The 5 Dutch Days" is — who knew? — New York's celebration of everything blond and Netherlandish. After tulips and pot, what do we celebrate on the other three days? Anne Frank?
[What About the Plastic Animals?]
• A blog about comments left on a blog. And who said bloggers were self-absorbed? [Hey Foxy]
• Starbucks' new ad declares the coffee shop more grande than Christmas.
[Copyranter]
• Sure, he was a disaster at the polls. But at least Freddy Ferrer for some reason created a new word. [The Politicker/NYO]

• Our attention span is pretty short these days, but now that you mention us, yeah, we do vaguely remember the cube at Astor Place, and we would like it back. If only there was a poster to continually remind us. [CRIT]
• Perhaps a sign the bubble is ready to burst: Manhattan developers are now, it seems, building with Popsicle sticks. [Central Village]
• New York has been compared to many things. But the best metaphor comes, naturally, from a bathroom wall: a pre-operative transexual lesbian. [I Can Change This Later, Right?]
• If we had known earlier about the Miss Taxi Internacional pageant (held in Queens, natch), you can bet your sweet ass we'd be working dispatch and dreaming of a tiara right this very minute. [Teendrama]
• The Assimilated Negro has now recorded a track about Krucoff. No one was writing songs about him back when he still worked at Conde, is all we're saying. [TAN]

• Looks like the bombings in Jordan have brought back the random subway searches. Which means it's time to hide your suspicious packages again. Or, if you prefer, emphasize your suspicious package.
[The Tomato Diaries]
• What, exactly, does one make from recycled dildos? Lamps? Bookends? Candle holders?
[Timmy Ray]
• Unleash your inner spin doctor: How would you caption these final-days-of-the-campaign pics of Mike and Freddy attempting to make New Yorkers like them? [The Politicker/NYO]
• First Ratner and now this: Someone's stealing public trash cans from Prospect Heights. [Daily Heights]