We have no idea what insanely funny video performance artists Tim & Eric are selling in this QT video, but we're definitely buying it. Twice.

Good news, men. There's a commercial making the Internet rounds for Progenitorivox, a wonder drug from SquabbMeriCo to help your wife with her problems. It's perfect for her since, like her "issues," it's complete and utter bullshit.

We'd say Unilever is insensitive, but that depends on what the definition of "is" is.

As if their complete domination of New York City's every street corner didn't prove their evil mettle, the corporate caffeine-pushers behind the human drone refueling station known as Starbucks have sunk to a new low. They destroyed the Starship once and for all.

Having created neither offspring nor multimillion dollar brands, we might not be the final authority on Kandoo, Procter & Gamble's new line of "personal care products that empower children to master the bathroom all on their own."

Earlier, we revealed the raw pain of being denied an interview with sisters Hilary and Haylie Duff, who are in town to promote their new tag-team advertising debut. We also noted that the press release contained no information as to what exactly had the girls in shill-mode, but we're happy to announce that the girls are promoting their deal with Ice Breakers Liquid Ice. Awesome! But what the fuck is Ice Breakers Liquid Ice? Why, it's a (totally disgusting) "intense breath freshening liquid mint." Awesome again!

Thank god for The Slammer. The New York Daily News wrestling columnist always manages to put everything into perspective and remind us what this crazy mixed-up world is all about: wrestling.

Looks like blogging is the new extreme inline-trampoline-base-jumping. What else are we to think when Levi's wants to cast bloggers (well-known for being sartorially-challenged, shut-in computer nerds with sicko crushes on Scarlett Johansson and the skinny guy from The O.C.) for an advertising campaign?

Yesterday we promised to post the best responses to the question: Who did Brad Pitt call during the Super Bowl Heineken commercial? (Winner gets entry to Club Noelle s Pants!) Here are your guesses:

This weekend's New York Times Magazine featured a three page ad for the America Prepared Campaign, all about how to make an emergency plan for your family in the event of another domestic terror attack.

Some people have no sense of humor. Take Volkswagen, for instance.

A moment of silence, please, for Jay Schulberg, the man who put the milky white mustache on the upper lips of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Gisele Bundchen, Carson Daly and just about every other celebrity in the world.

Controversy in ad-land! (And dad-land!)

In more celebrity sponsorship news, McDonald's launches its Black History Month ad-stravaganza a whole month early with its 365Black campaign. Tennis stars Venus and Serena Williams lend their support, and we have a pretty good idea what they're trying to tell us:

We must've missed the memo, but apparently Joel McHale is 2005's go-to guy for deadpan nastiness in commercials.

... Fee?
... Hassles?
... Laziness?
... Disgruntled Costumers?
... Out of Stock Copies of Spider-Man 2?
... Psychotic Monkeys?

Not since those fake Puma ads have we found ourselves thinking so much about what exactly is going on in an advertisement. But since we saw the above ad for Saks Fifth Avenue's "Cash Cache Event" on page A6 of The Times yesterday, we've been plagued by so many questions:
-How does the dude arc his spray like that?
-Did he miss the glass on purpose?
-Is that the proper way to hold the bottle?
-Why is everyone's mouth agape? (And since it's sort of a Christmas ad, is the other meaning of agape more appropriate?)
-Is that Rocco DiSpirito with his open-mouthed smile in the background?
-And, is there a clever Japanese word to describe what we're seeing?

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