• We're not sure who to pity more: Premiere magazine for paying Harvard's Lampoon writers to make fun of their magazine, or the writers for actually taking the cash. Those kids have a bright future of working at upcoming Jimmy Kimmel roasts. [Lampoon]
• Oh, David Beckham. Playing footsies with some other woman, in public, while your wife sits next to you? Bold and daring. And stupid. That too. [BWE]
• Oh, the thrill of canceling your Times subscription. [Amy's NY Notebook]
• How to be fat and fabulous? Oversized Prada sunglasses. That's why they're so damn popular — not because of some Olsen twin. [Eurotrash]
• On the grandiose, brass balls of Graydon Carter. [FishbowlNY]
• And finally, a special congrats to speakeasy La Esquina, which took only 44 days to hit media saturation. Things should be tolerable around there in approximately 2 months, at which point we suggest you stop by. [Eater]

• Al Gore's cable network, which launches today, is apparently a tapas bar, says a San Francisco Chronicle writer. This is, we think, a good thing, mostly because we had some excellent tapas last time we were in the City. [SFC]
• Katie Couric is a diva, but not one who throws lamps, says Ken Auletta. Not that we can actually get to his article online. [NYer]
• While her husband is on vacation, Judy Miller gets jail visits from journos. [E&P]
• TV on the web is perhaps finally here. Which comes as great news for your friends who worked at Pseudo five years ago. [NYT]
• GQ really, really likes The Dukes of Hazzard. [NYT]
• As if things were looking so rosy for media companies in the first place, now a global ad slowdown is expected. [NYP]
• Ten bought-out employees had their last days at the Times on Friday. [Romenesko]
• Apparently there's a clever guy in Los Feliz running a smart and funny blog about Hollywood. Who knew? [LAT]

Now used to reveal the innermost thoughts of a model, Sharpies certainly have come a long way from the days of circling offensive areas of body fat.

As New Yorkers (or, more likely, tourists) continue to ogle at Calvin Klein's Super Fantastic Live Billboard Adventure, a reader is reminded of an overheard conversation during last week's sample sale at Hollywould:

Click to enlarge.

• Calvin Klein's latest Times Square advertising adventure, in which models are bribed to live like peasants in exchange for clean needles, starts tomorrow at 7 a.m. Someone do send pics! [AdJab]
• Rupert Murdoch buys MySpace.com from $580 million. Which is only slightly more than he paid for his new Fifth Avenue triplex. [MarketWatch]
• Would the Jude Law infidelity story be any good if the nanny-mistress didn't keep a diary detailing sex on the pool table? We think not. [Mirror]
• Dude, you know you think Bobby Novak his the perfect DSLs. Get out and vote! [Gawker]
• The horror of an unsolicited Scientology attack on an unsuspecting mailbox. [mchruinoff]
• CNN's Lou Dobbs is interrupted by bullshit. What else is new? [Crooks and Liars]

To celebrate the awesome power of broadband — and not at all, they assure us, to market their own broadband offerings — Verizon has launched a marketing campaign documentary project called "Broadband Stories." Sign up, create your own profile, and then tell the world true stories about how broadband access has changed your life. But wait! There's more!

Today, for your viewing pleasure, we are pleased to identify the most Amazingly Absurd Marketing Ploy in the History of the World, courtesy of online retail behemoth Amazon. In honor of their 10th anniversary, certain Amazon orders will be hand-delivered by the artist, actor, musician or author responsible for the work. For instance, Harrison Ford and his his poorly-pierced ear may show up at your door, just to drop off that Raiders of the Lost Ark DVD you ordered last week. And we're SURE he'll go all the way to Missouri, if need be.

In a move that has every old-school indie kid thinking he too can be David to the Goliath of mass market consumerism, Nike has agreed to pull its "Major Threat" skateboard tour posters after causing an outrage(!) by using a well-known Minor Threat album cover without permission.

In case you hadn't yet found reason to feel ashamed this morning, here's a little something:

Cityrag raises an interesting question: What's the amount of free advertising Starbucks gets from all the paparazzi photos of of A-List celebrities and their ubiquitous 'Bucks cups? We'd look into it, but we're too busy relishing every last calorie of our Frappucinos. That caramel goes down real nice.






Click the image at right to enlarge.
We Are The Starbucks Children [Cityrag]

Two years ago, Donny Deutsch was the hottest guy in advertising, boasting of his net worth, high-brow clients and "the best body of any CEO in advertising," which is kind of like being the richest blogger. (He was even contemplating running for mayor, which is all we need.) These days, however, the CNBC host appears to be spending too much time primping and not enough time minding the store.

Colorfully nicknamed bike messengers may file suit against Lincoln for allegedly using their (street) names and photos in an ad for the bike-crushing Lincoln Navigator. What remains unclear is why Lincoln thought skinny geeks in Bono glasses would help sell giant cars. Former messenger Bucky Turco says: "Messengers hate cars. It's like using vegetarians to sell furs, it don't work." We think he could've taken that further. It's like using Priests to sell condoms! It's like using bloggers to sell personal grooming products! It's like using Huey Newton to sell DVDs of "Blue Collar Comedy"! It's like using FDR to sell Social Security privatization! You get the idea.

We were totally fooled by the image: $6,000 suits, $192 Hermes ties, pocketfuls of vibrating Blackberries. Turns out, investment bankers have feelings, too. According to AdAge's Jon Fine, Morgan Stanley is going to start pulling ads if negative stories about the bank are published. (Negative stories? How could anyone say anything bad about Morgan Stanley?)A few of the rags that may be hit: the NYT, USA Today, Business Week and Fortune. After this item, we hope Gawker Media is simultaneously added/dropped from the list. -KEW

"Leaner, meaner, faster, smarter." That's the philosophy of Deutsch Inc., Chairman and CEO Donny Deutsch, the ad-man and host of "The Big Idea With Donny Deutsch." We'll take his word for fast and smart. And the word of Page Six when it comes to mean: It revealed over the weekend that his firm had fired an art director after he circulated vacation snapshots of Donny in his Speedo. But lean? We (with an assist from adfreak.com) report. You decide. —MG

Yesterday, Page Six penned a peppy item about The Onion surviving death-by-lawsuit after it ran a certain headline ("Dying Boy Gets Wish: To Pork Janet Jackson"). But what of the revenues at what Page Six terms a "thriving business"? A brief history of The Onion's on-the-record fortunes:

For your viewing enjoyment (and head-shaking disbelief), we present the new Bacardi campaign featuring Kim Cattrall. Click to enlarge and drink to the glory of celebrity endorsement.

From The New York Times 'Business' Addenda column:

Awww. Is there anything cuter than a baby smoking? Probably not. Cigarettes just look so darn adorable in their pudgy little hands.

Ask Jeeves Inc. to Be Bought for $2 Billion [NYT]