It was too good to be true: After months of smoothly gliding into the Post's website with nary a glitch or an interruption, it seems that nypost.com decided, on this otherwise lovely fall morning, to crap in its own hands and wipe the mess all over our monitors.
A recent vacation autoreply on Page Sixer Fernando Gil's email, which showed up in our inbox today:
We're just sorry it had to be over something like this.
There are assholes and cocks featured in the Post every day. Rarely, though, do we mean that as literally as we do today:
The New York Post: Redefining what constitutes as national news, one cover story at a time.
Is it just us or does that top headline (click to enlarge) make absolutely no sense, even for a Post hed? I mean, Tom Cruise is famous for being in movies called "Mission Impossible," and yes, the subhead is informative, if credulous, so we're with them that far. But when we search for some clever double entendre — or even a cheesy pun — we come up dry.
After heartlessly laughing at her yesterday, we are thrilled to report that little Isabelle Avins — or, as the Post calls her, STAB BABY — is A-OK. She's seen here back on the EDGY streets of Washington Heights with her nanny/sabbath goy — who, we hope, is getting some sort of bonus for offering herself up as a human shield:
Bleary-eyed, head pounding, we rise to face another grim day.
If you were looking for someone you'd trust with your life — someone who need to be the very epitome of honesty, reliability, and loyalty — where is the absolute last place on Earth you would look?
Brace yourself, 'cause it's a big day in Postville. After years of frustrating himself with reviewing restaurants that morph so quickly that his critical response becomes quickly irrelevant, resident foodie Steve Cuozzo has decided to reshape the Post's restaurant reviews (crazy, we know, that sort of action coming from the paper's lead food critic). Instead of traditional criticism, Cuozzo will now write restaurant "updates." He says:
Pop quiz, class: Which publication is positively giddy about scoring a new edition of Photoshop?
• Post EIC Col Allan throws down to defend his deputy editor Colin Myler in a Soho House brawl with some unnamed Aussie journo. Holy shit, does this mean Soho House is cool again? [R&M]
• A moment of silence, please, for the relationship between hip-hop mogul Jay-Z and his business partner Damon Dash. Dash is selling his share of the rapper's Rocawear for nearly $30 million, which is almost enough to numb the wounds of a friendship lost. [Page Six]
• Sopranos star Jamie-Lynn Siegler has split from her husband, AJ DiScala — and just in time for San Gennaro. [Gatecrasher]
• If we were the club promoter mentioned in this incredibly not-blind blind item, we'd probably ban Page Sixers from Bungalow 8. [Page Six]
• Is George Clooney banging a young stylist? Oh, the horror of mingling with the working class. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
So, what are you guys doing on Monday night? Don't have any plans? Oh, pity — guess you weren't invited to the party of the season. Page Six skipper Richard Johnson and his lovely fiancée Sessa von Richthofen are celebrating their engagement that night at the Four Seasons' Poolroom, and we're sure everyone who's anyone (in PR) will be there at 7 P.M. sharp!
• Iraqi reporter working for NYT murdered in Iraq. Apparently not everyone got the things-are-getting-better memo. [NYT]
• Emmy gets its biggest audience in years. Oscar is jealous, not that he'd ever admit it. [USAT]
• Paul Carlucci named NYP publisher, replacing Rupert Murdoch, who seems to think he has other, more important responsibilities. [NYT]
• What makes a news office a bureau? This is clearly a question for CBS's Public Eye — mostly because we can't imagine anyone else would care. [Phil. Enquirer]
• Oprah finally talks about the Hermes incident — and you thought there was nothing left to say about it, silly — and recommends that we all wear Birkin bags. Perhaps if she buys us one. [WWD]
While today's Post is full of its typical subway shootings and Bloomberg-fellating, those upstarts at the telegenic Daily News are hitting them where it hurts, with a stolen-memorial story offering, per their front page, "EXCLUSIVE 9/11 OUTRAGE." Of course, the inclusivity of outrage is the reason we have two tabloids in this city, but all Murdoch's giving us today is exclusive outrage at the degrading treatment of "superstar rapper Lil' Kim." Or is it voyeuristic excitement? We can never quite tell the difference. In either case, look for the tomorrow's Post to feature at least 4 defaced or vandalized 9/11 memorials, as well as an exclusive (and outrageous) photo of Freddy Ferrer spitting on firefighters' graves.
• Penthouse raises new cash to take on Playboy. In mud-wrestling, of course, with throngs of fratboys watching. [Folio:]
• Honcho Rick Kaplan might not be much longer for MSNBC, according to rumors. And we're sure his underlings will be sad to see him go. [NYP]
• All of Time Inc.'s business websites — Fortune.com, Business2.com, FSB.com — will be merged into Time Warner's CNNMoney.com. [Folio:]
• Reporting on VF's reporting of WP's reporting. [E&P]
• CNN's Aaron Brown thinks about ABC's Peter Jennings. Then he thinks about that damnded Anderson Cooper, who's hogging all the attention. [Philadelphia Inquirer]
• The Post's scratch-off poker game — play to win! Except when winning is impossible. [Media Mob/NYO]
