How's your memoir coming along? What? You're not writing a memoir? You must be living an extraordinarily boring life then. And besides, even if your life is about as exciting as the average blog or online coffee maker cam, you should still have a memoir. It's your god-given right, didn't you know?

Hey, we're as pop culture savvy as the next guy, but some references even slip by us. Sometimes while we're watching The O.C. (it's a pleasure, minus the guilt, thank you very much), the in-jokes and allusions are so fast and so obscure that you need a Best of Bread R. Crumb trail (get it?) to figure it out.

This weekend, Times film critics Manohla Dargis and A.O. Scott hate everyone and everything:

· We have no idea if this is indeed Jonathan Safran Foer's blog — but if it is, do you think Deborah Solomon has it as her homepage? [The New Yorker]
· Hip, downtown parties: they're goth! No, they're coldwave! No, they're vampires! No, they're...so fucking over, now that they're in the Post. [NYP]
· Rosie O'Donnell loves America, too. [Once Adored]
· And finally, your daily dose of Pat O'Brien: "he used to refer to a gay African-American senior producer at 'Access Hollywood' as 'the Fruit Monkey.' To his face." Because the n-word is so last week, right? [Gatecrasher]

In today's edition of How Frank Gotti Lost All That Weight and Became a Teen Heartthrob, in which we pick a passage at random from the still unpublished The Gotti Diet, Frank reflects on his hot, new body:

Wow, we thought for a second there we'd left our copy of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy in the DVD player. How else to explain this utterly stupid banter we just heard on CNN's Live From:

· Breaking: TiVo is destroying the sacred tradition of 'water cooler' chats. Funny, we thought corporate downsizing and outsourcing had killed off water coolers years ago. [USA Today]
· So, like, did Maxim do a shoddy, unconvincing Photoshop job on purpose so that if anyone gave them shit about it, they could be like, "Dude, there's no way you could've been fooled"? [WaPo]
· Did you hear the one about RZA appearing on WNYC's The Brian Lehrer Show? Seriously, did you hear it? [WYNC]
· Everyone wants to coin an awesome media epigram: "The revolution will not be televised".. "The medium is the message"... "It's the Content, Not the Source." [Wired]

"Don't follow the royals?" And you read Vanity Fair?

From today's New York Times 'Circuits' section:

MSNBC's resident gossip maven (and big-time book writing person) Jeannette Walls reports on a heretofore unexamined aspect of the controversial Terri Schiavo case: What is Moby's opinion?

Don't ask why we noticed this candied, candy-coated, cloying, delicious, honeyed, luscious, nectareous, saccharine, sugar-coated, sweetened, syrupy, toothsome trend. Instead, ask why the Times hasn't discovered the thesaurus.

If you thought the Defamer/David Cross IMterview was a virtual IMquisition, then you'll probably think The Black Table's 'Rock and a Hard Place' chat with MarketWatch.com's Jon Friedman is the cruelest IMterrogation you've ever witnessed.

Cultural critic Mark Dery dares to look into the abyss of right wing muppet Ann Coulter's Reading For Right-Wingers book list and discovers a portal into the idiot wind tunnel that is Coulter's brain:

From today's New York Post:

Never let it be said that CNN isn't connected. A reader informs us that, upon writing to the news organization regarding its coverage of Terri Schiavo, he received the following email in response. Take note of the sender:

Don't ask why I was at Michael's today; just know that I was the youngest lady there by, say, 400 years. And, as a young lady, I have a moral responsibility to comment on Seventeen editor Atoosa Rubenstein's outfit. So I'm going to break it down here for a second, with this heartfelt message from me to the 'Toos:

From the idiots what brung you "How do I pronounce US Weekly" comes a slightly more challenging question:

When the weather gets nastier than Pat O'Brien in a S&M club, there's only one thing that can soften the mood, and it's a selection from The Gotti Diet. Today's taste of little Frankie:

OMG, you guys. Forget about Darfur, okay? The big crisis this week is New York City apartments' lack of washing machines. For serious!

· The Onion 'reports' on the National Gonzo Press Club's annual meeting in Las Vegas. Hunter S. Thompson would've attended, but he died last month. [The Onion]
· The heartwarming story of Maximillian Potter, a talented writer chewed up and spit out by the myopic New York media world, only to be nominated for two ASME awards for his work on a relatively unknown Colorado magazine. We see Mark Ruffalo in the film version. [NYO]
· Confidential to JSF and NK: Jesus, just collaborate on a baby like a normal couple. [Mediabistro]
· Two perspectives on last week's New Yorker profile of William Morris agent Dave Wirtschafter: Editor & Punisher wonders who else will follow Sarah Michelle Gellar and Halle Berry in defecting; Done Deal announces the clunkily-titled Compositions in Black and White, to star Wirtschafter's "favorite" client, Alicia Keys. [Editor & Punisher; Done Deal]