jessicagawker: Oh, come on.
jessicagawker: You are soooooo immature.

Guess who showed up unannounced at our apartment yesterday: Radar Magazine's hopes for the future. No, not the real Radar Magazine's hopes for the future (our apartment isn't that big): The direct marketing solicitation from Radar, silly!

We highly doubt the fellow traipsing about Amazon as Ethan Hawke is, in fact, Ethan Hawke. But judging from "his" review of Jonathan Safran Foer's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, the jackanapes is doing some pitch-perfect work at the keyboard:

The goddamn liberal media strikes again! The "activist" board members of Simon & Schuster have seen fit to pull a little affirmative action and give Republican strategist Mary Matalin her own book imprint.

In today's New York Observer 'Off the Record' column, Gabriel Sherman reports on new Esquire design director David Curcurito (second item):

Here's the answer to a question you never asked: Wouldn't it be great if those little New Yorker line art doodles had a narrative?

JUST ASKING... Which upcoming "release" is Gotham publisher Jason Binn more proud of:

Your zygote's zygote is going to love this one.

Last night on his eponymous talk show, A Few Minutes with Charlie Rose, Featuring Charlie Rose as Himself, Charlie Rose interviewed husband and wife filmmaking team Rebecca Miller and Daniel Day Lewis. They talked for the full hour about their new film, The Ballad of Jack and Rose as well as touching on Miller's recently deceased father, Arthur Miller.

After a weeklong drought, New York magazine's Look Book is back with Karim Sanders and his Baby Amir should wrap. By day, Karim is an NBC parking attendant and a travel booker for musical acts; by night, the man is a Bergdorf junky with a Barneys habit on the side. After the jump, Intern Alexis grills Christian Lorentzen, Tiffany Gong, and Alexis Oliver for the input on Karim's style and suggestion on how to bring a smile to Amir's face.

· Salon's Eric Boehlert says the Terri Schiavo case points out "how paralyzed the mainstream press has become in pointing out the obvious: that the GOP leadership often operates well outside the mainstream of America." Mr. Boehlert was disappeared shortly after filing his story. (We typed this from an undisclosed location.) [Salon]
· The New York Daily News is very, very sorry. Sure they said you won 100k, and they were wrong. But, hey, they still bring you the best gossip and Stanley Crouch! And if you don't quit complaining, they're gonna send Crouch to your house to kick the shit out of you. [NYDN]
· In order to illustrate a story on David Letterman's private world, New York Newsday runs photos of the press-shy host jogging with his girlfriend. Classy. [Newsday]
· Brother-man reports: Gail Berman, FOX's capo-di-crappy programming, quits for Paramount. Well, we've all made lateral moves at least once in our careers. [Defamer]

We had earlier lamented that we'd have to wait until May for Frank Gotti's magnum opus, The Gotti Diet — and, like manna from heaven, an uncorrected manuscript arrived at our door just a mere day later. As such, it's time for a very special Frank Gotti Book Club, in which we'll preview unpublished gems, taken from the book at random. Today's passage:

Damn, if only this story couldn't have broken around the time of Lawrence Summer's dumb-ass comments:

Very sneaky, Ms. Fuller. Very sneaky indeed.
Star Magazine

We love a good dick joke as much as the next guy, but the folks over at E! Online must've soiled themselves after they recovered from the fainting spell induced by the overwhelming possibilities for pun and double-entendre that the David Spade SNL Penis Nose story provided. In addition to the "cocky" quip in the title, the writer also "slipped in" (obvious coitus reference ours) that the "producers decided to let it all hang out" for this "relatively ballsy move," and that "several sharp-eyed members" (thought you slipped that one past us?) on a SNL message board noticed the schnoz/schlong hybrid on Spade's face. Other synonyms from the Big Book of Dick Names in play: "member," "organ," "penile implant," and "appendage."

More buzzing around Black Rock: Mary Mapes, the CBS producer who was fired after Dan Rather's MemoGate, has sold her memoirs to St. Martin's Press (we're hearing the deal was for around $250k).

Awww. Is there anything cuter than a baby smoking? Probably not. Cigarettes just look so darn adorable in their pudgy little hands.

ABC News' The Note has caught anti-Drudge fever:

Fortune Magazine is celebrating its 75th anniversary with one of those jam-packed issues full of lists. Lists of seventy-five things. Get it?

A round of applause, please, to the Times' Virginia Heffernan, who managed to employ the word "bitch" thirty-two times in an article under 1200 words. She's so...subversive. We like it, girlfriend!