In your wet Wednesday media column: Peter Chernin assembling a secret empire, John Carney gets a new job, pay TV is far from dying, Jon Meacham meets Steven Rattner, and Vanity Fair joins the electronic age.

New York Times publisher Arthur "Pinch" Sulzberger has been working up his aggressive gumption lately, which he'll need to win the newspaper war with Rupert Murdoch, who is a genuine surly bastard. Pinch, lesson one: Don't cuss at Murdoch employees.

More rumors have emerged about potential buyers for Newsweek, which The Washington Post Co. put on the market a week ago today.

Ron Lieber writes a financial column for the New York Times. He is also a self-appointed Regulator of Restaurant Noise. Which is how he got himself kicked out of a restaurant last weekend, with good reason.

In your holy Tuesday media column: Rupert Murdoch bathes his children in shit, David Brooks' wild undergrad antics exposed, Google has irrational hope for online ads, Playboy goes 3-D, and Donna Brazile is tired of hearing herself talk.

In your merry Monday media column: Happy birthday to the Huffington Post, Time Inc's magical advertising salesmanship, working for Felix Dennis is always a party, and the biggest dope ever on television, revealed!

Lawyer Casey Greenfield's media career used to revolve around her relationship with her CBS correspondent father. Then she had CNN correspondent Jeff Toobin's out-of-wedlock child, fought him in court, and reinvented herself. New area of expertise: Being a spurned lover.

Today in "Why Detroit Can't Have Nice Things:" one Detroit newspaper caught a writer for another Detroit newspaper tagging up a brand new bridge—which was, by definition, the nicest thing in Detroit. Allow us to defend her crime!

In the wake of hearings about the youngest Guantanamo detainee, four of the most experienced journalists have been banned from entering the facility on very spurious grounds. Is the government merely trying to avoid further scrutiny?

In March the Village Voice's Foster Kamer made a penis joke about Jim Dolan, the evil billionaire who controls Cablevision, Madison Square Garden, and Rainbow Media. Dolan was not amused. Now he's retaliated by getting $1 million of advertising pulled.

Playboy just announced its first quarter results and it's hemorrhaging money as per usual. Its new turnaround plan: beefing up the magazine's digital presence with a "free, safe-for-work" site. Now you really can just read it for the articles! [PaidContent]

In your enriching Thursday media column: someone in the media finally strikes it rich, everyone blames Jon Meacham, Les Moonves is wildly overpaid, and you better not buy what he's selling.

The Washington Post's Ian Shapira is shocked, shocked, that a competing reporter would deign to speculate on who Ian Shapira's anonymous sources were. In how many ways is Ian Shapira wrong? Let us brainstorm.

In your worrisome Wednesday media column: more details on the sudden (hot!) offering of Newsweek for sale, the guys at Atlantic Media hate the Politico, CNN and CBS huddle together for warmth, and cow journalism remains legal—for now.

Lord knows the Washington Post Co. has enough trouble just balancing out the economic black hole that is the Washington Post. They can't deal with Newsweek's losses, too. So it's for sale. And how's this for an enthusiastic sales pitch?

In your biased Tuesday media column: a WaPo reporter loses all credibility with hateful Jesus wingnuts, yet another Tumblr-to-book deal, the entire media apparatus struggles to figure out the internet's secrets, and a new poll proves nobody is credible.

The only way to "make it" in the media now is to pay a huge bribe to secure a coveted "intern" slot at a failing media outlet, where you can begin sleeping your way to the top. The going rates?

In your magical Monday media column: Media CEOs earn Monopoly money, a fine White House Celebucocksucking Dinner roundup, CNN gets a new toy, and the Arizona Republic finds a use for editorials.

Last Friday, The Wrap reported that The New Yorker was being pressured by billionaire Hollywood power broker and Clinton pal Haim Saban to remove politically (and economically) sensitive portions of a massive new profile of Saban. It didn't work.

The last time guy-site Thrillist put on a junket—to Jamaica, last fall—it ended up costing a New York Times freelancer his job, and prompting a stern warning to everyone else. But hey, free trip to Miami in June!