If there's one way to get some attention on Craigslist, it's by loudly announcing that you work for Lizzie Grubman and thus want a complete change of career. Subtle and professional:
From left, Daily News gossips Chris Rovzar, Jo Piazza, and Ben Widdicombe, Page Six's Paula Froelich, and PNP-lurving blogger Perez Hilton.
On Saturday night, nearly 300 of Manhattan's most glorious names descended upon Cipriani 42nd Street to toast the nuptials of publicist Lizzie Grubman and Chris Stern. Unable to attend (Carolina refused to send us a pretty dress), we celebrated by locking ourselves in the bathroom and pouring champagne over our open wounds. It hurt, but still not as good as being there for the real thing.
• Nicole Kidman is questioned by the FBI, and reporters trying to write about Steven Seagal received death threats (presumably from the public.) [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson decides life is too short to spend an evening with intellectual inferiors. [NYDN]
• Lizzie Grubman and her future husband enjoy his-and-hers stripper table dances, plan to wed this Saturday in a secret undisclosed white-trash snubbing location. Do people still care about Lizzie Grubman? Isn't she sort of 2002? [Page Six]
• Candidate-for-sainthood Bono is apparently quite the gossip. Which is the polite way of saying that once you get an Irishman talking there's nothing you can do to shut him up. [R&M]
• The Village Voice gets its very own hipster-Blair, in the form of young Nick Sylvester, who fabricated parts of his cover story. Upon being caught, he fainted outside of editor Doug Simmons' office, only to find himself suspended upon regaining consciousness. Meanwhile, freelancers bitch about the possibilty of the story being a stolen pitch and Sylvester loses his indie cred by being asked to resign from his haute music-reviewing gig at Pitchfork.
EXHALE! And in other news:
We hear that phone calls went around today asking friends and family of PR dominatrix Lizzie Grubman and her fresh kill, fiance Chris Stern, to make a special place on their calendars for March 18th. Yes, they've set a date, and it's in under three weeks. This wedding is barreling towards us at high speed, like a SUV from hell.
Exactly what you want to look at while you eat.
We don't do restaurant reviews — unless it's a celebrity restaurant (oh, NYLA, we miss you so!). So last night we decided to don our crazypants and hit Destino, the new Italian restaurant at 50th and 1st Avenue. No, we didn't go for the food, even though Rao's Mario Curko is in the kitchen — we went because Justin Timberlake is a minority investor, and we were really curious as to whether or not Destino would be half as sleek and glitzy as his Los Angeles venture, Chi. Plus, we heard that Timberlake was required to make something like 2 appearances every 5 years (or some such silliness), and what if — what if — he was hanging at his new place that night? Then we could finally challenge him to a dance-off.
• Britney Spears claims that she drove with her infant son in her lap because the paparazzi made her do it. You see, they asked her to pose as such, and offered her $5, and she just couldn't resist. [R&M]
• Paris Hilton's testimony helps put away the man who burgularized and abused Girls Gone Wild perv Joe Francis. Poor Paris, always fighting for the wrong team. [Page Six]
• In other Paris-legal news, some poor soul has gotten a restraining order against the heiress, lest she stab him with her stiletto. [TMZ]
• Our favorite perv Vincent Gallo took to selling not only his sperm on eBay, but also his flesh. $50K was the starting bid for a night of Gallo pleasure but, alas, no one was syphilic enough to consider bidding. [Lowdown]
• Robin Byrd, Lizzie Grubman — there's less of a difference than you think. [Page Six]
• Everyone's favorite "rehab" expert, Kate Moss, counsels everyone's favorite penis, Colin Farrell, on staying "sober." [Contact Music]
• Wow, Angelina Jolie is getting really fat. [Gossip or Truth]
• In retaliation, Jennifer Aniston moves in with Vince Vaughn — because co-habitating with a bloated alchy is the best revenge. [MSN]
• Naughty PoweR girl Lizzie Grubman gets engaged to Chris Stern; if they're truly in love, that makes the fact that she "stole" him from a former employee totally jusitifed. [NYP]
• If West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin weren't so damn rich, we'd feel badly about his show getting cancelled and his hooker habit. [R&M]
• Supermodel Naomi Campbell is approximately two weeks away from beating the Prince of Dubai with a phone. [Page Six]
• Pity the fool who dares to criticize Howard Stern, lest said fool is comfortable with death threats from Beetlejuice. [Lowdown]
• Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe show no love for the paparazzi, which practically guarantees that some photog will soon run over one of their children. [OAN]
MTV reports that pretty pop star Justin Timberlake is behind forthcoming Upper East Side restaurant Destino's, which he'll co-own with Eytan Sugarman, the man responsible for Suede and Cherry Lounge (both of which Sugarman opened with hip-hop producer Timbaland). PR is being handled by Lizzie Grubman, and chef Mario Curko (formerly of Rao's) will be in the kitchen, where he'll do his best to help diners forget they're eating anywhere near the aforementioned individuals.
Breaking (or, er, broken): Publicist Lizzie Grubman and the little climber that could, Jonathan Cheban, have euthanized their Grubman-Cheban PR project and parted ways. This is only mildly surprising, given the buzz that Her Grubness was less than thrilled to find that Cheban, who doubles as an Access Hollywood correspondent, was limiting press coverage for certain New Year's Eve clients so as to give Access "exclusives" on those events. And so, after a few weeks of hemming and hawing, it seems that Grubman has finally cut Cheban out of the company.
• As a semi-anonymous blogger, there are plenty of ways to "out" yourself. Doing so by letting the Post profile you as a Dinner Whore — a single woman who casually goes on expensive dinner dates with anyone who can pay for a gourmet meal — is not, perhaps, the best option. We liked you better when we didn't know who you were and what you were up to. [NYP]
• While we've had some miserable professional duties in our time (latte-fetching and call-rolling come to mind), none compare to that of an intern asked to walk a wintery 25 blocks to deliver a box of knishes to Lizzie Grubman's family on the night of her prison release. [VV]
• Has the Daily News caught our libidinous affliction for Anderson Cooper? In a piece on newsmen with gray hair, they call the "trend" the Anderson Effect. Christ, even we'd just call gray hair "old." [NYDN]
• So does this mean that nasty anonymous commenters can be prosecuted for blog-harassment? [Rational Rants]
• As soon as celebrities start flaunting their 8-balls, maybe fairy dust will become as socially acceptable as leafy greens. [CityRag]
• Speaking of blow, if you were a dealer selling to Lohan, would you write about it on a message board? Actually, we bet you would. [Crewcial]
• Why it's better to be Gay. [Genre]
• Related: Sony launches a Gay record label. So, uh, Liza reissues? Madonna mixes? Terrible techno for your methed up night at the Pines party? [Reuters]
• It's been almost 5 years since publicist Lizzie Grubman mowed over 16 people at the Hamptons' Conscience Point Inn, but she's still doing her time in court. Yesterday Grubman answered questions for the only remaining civil suit, filed by a victim who suffered a bruised rib. Rest assured, it was a very expensive, pricey rib. [Page Six]
• Star Jones writes of her "intoxicatingly sexual relationship" with hubby Al Reynolds. You, in the meantime, gouge out your eyes and pray for some dark horsemen to make it all go away. [R&M]
• The reason behind Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's split? He liked to wear her shoes. Paging Peter Braunstein! [People]
• Online casino BetUs.com offers Lindsay Lohan a nice Costa Rican rehab package if she'll shill for the site. Obviously, their publicist is Ronn [sic] Torossian. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Kevin Federline tells Ryan Seacrest that everything is "wonderful" between him and wife Britney Spears. Even better, they're NOT planning to have a second child just yet, so you can sleep soundly tonight. [IMDb]
• Page Six retracts yesterday's story about a bikini clad Sara Moonves (daughter of Les). That's what happens when you source shit through "Perez Hilton." [Page Six]
I'm sure the past two days were less fun for me than they were for you but all will return to normal on Monday. Jess & Jesse have promised to climb out of their spacesuits and deliver the kind of genuine media analysis and gossip that you are accustomed to receiving. Have a great new year, everyone. Even you Lizzie Grubman, regardless if I think you're the real enemy too. - Andrew Krucoff
• Is Paris Hilton banned from LA nightclub LAX for talking smack about her former BFF Nicole Richie? If so, it suggests that there might be some sort of karmic balance to that otherwise moira-less world. [Scoop]
• For reasons involving some sort of warped explanation about puzzles and pieces, Kathy Griffin is canned from E!, leaving you no choice but to actually watch the TV Guide network for your red carpet coverage. [Page Six]
• Say what you will about PR madam Lizzie Grubman, but she picked up and drove her entire staff to work yesterday and didn't run a single one of them over. See? Reform is possible. [Lowdown]
• Professional binge-drinkers Johnny Knoxville and Luke Wilson break tables at the Hog Pit, stumble and slur their way around Soho. Celebrities — they're just like us! [Page Six]
• Now that suspected sexual assaulter Peter Braunstein has been apprehended, the lovely ladies at Fairchild have taken their shoes out of the safe and are throwing staff parties. [Gatecrasher]
Vanity Fair's big, gay butterfly George Wayne is opening a new Chelsea club called Boudoir — which we expect will either last two weeks or two months, depending on the social calendar. During his sit-down interview with New York (and we are, admittedly, ALL OVER this week's issue), accompanied by Her Flackiness Lizzie Grubman, the discussion turns to Wayne's other professional accomplishments:
It's the annual dilemma we all have: What to get for that special PR girl (or reckless driver) on our Christmas list?
Kurt Vonnegut, Noam Chomsky, Jane Goodall, Walter Cronkite, Daniel Libeskind and...Lizzie Grubman? Believe it, children: They're all featured in Forbes's special report on "communicating," and no one knows how to communicate better (from behind the wheel of a Mercedes SUV, anyhow) than PR Power Girl Lizzie Grubman.
• Courtney Love's mother, Linda Carroll, is selling out her pill-popping daughter in a tell-all book. None too surprisingly, we learn that Courtney took psychedelics at age 4, was in therapy at age 6, discovered porn at 9 and booze at 12. Who knew the hooch would come last? [Page Six]
• Since cokey supermodel Kate Moss isn't able to promote much of anything besides South American natural resources, maybe the internet gambling industry will take her in. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Lizzie Grubman's PR firm is promoting Range Rover — because, you know, she didn't run over white trash with one of those. [Page Six]
• Actor George Clooney and Fox News robot Bill O'Reilly kind of kiss and make-up, which means that we're already bored just writing about it. [R&M]
• Charlize Theron was dealt pretty cards in life, and we're just going to have to accept her aesthetic superiority. [Scoop (2nd item)]
Last week, we received a verrrrry disturbing photo of 80s wrestling star Hulk Hogan carrying publicist Lizzie Grubman. It wasn't the mere image of Grubman nor the proof that the Hulk was still alive and well that made us feel nauseated; rather, it was the angle at which the photograph was taken, providing an all-too-convenient upskirt shot of Grubman and thus revealing, in graphic detail, her preference for certain waxing techniques.
