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• Wow, Angelina Jolie is getting really fat. [Gossip or Truth]
• In retaliation, Jennifer Aniston moves in with Vince Vaughn — because co-habitating with a bloated alchy is the best revenge. [MSN]
• Naughty PoweR girl Lizzie Grubman gets engaged to Chris Stern; if they're truly in love, that makes the fact that she "stole" him from a former employee totally jusitifed. [NYP]
• If West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin weren't so damn rich, we'd feel badly about his show getting cancelled and his hooker habit. [R&M]
• Supermodel Naomi Campbell is approximately two weeks away from beating the Prince of Dubai with a phone. [Page Six]
• Pity the fool who dares to criticize Howard Stern, lest said fool is comfortable with death threats from Beetlejuice. [Lowdown]
• Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe show no love for the paparazzi, which practically guarantees that some photog will soon run over one of their children. [OAN]