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• Britney Spears claims that she drove with her infant son in her lap because the paparazzi made her do it. You see, they asked her to pose as such, and offered her $5, and she just couldn't resist. [R&M]
• Paris Hilton's testimony helps put away the man who burgularized and abused Girls Gone Wild perv Joe Francis. Poor Paris, always fighting for the wrong team. [Page Six]
• In other Paris-legal news, some poor soul has gotten a restraining order against the heiress, lest she stab him with her stiletto. [TMZ]
• Our favorite perv Vincent Gallo took to selling not only his sperm on eBay, but also his flesh. $50K was the starting bid for a night of Gallo pleasure but, alas, no one was syphilic enough to consider bidding. [Lowdown]
• Robin Byrd, Lizzie Grubman — there's less of a difference than you think. [Page Six]
• Everyone's favorite "rehab" expert, Kate Moss, counsels everyone's favorite penis, Colin Farrell, on staying "sober." [Contact Music]