What did restaurateur and reality show schlub Rocco DiSpirito wear under his Scottish outfit at the Dressed To Kilt socialite extravaganza at Sotheby's on Monday? Well, it's very form-fitting and nothing you want to see. If he was wearing this getup at his lawsuit-afflicted restaurant, the Health Department would be there so fast — again. (Also, do check the maaarvelous photos of a half-naked Scotsman wrestling Muffie Potter Aston to the ground. Oh, what hijinx those rascally socialites get up to!)
Dressed to Kilt [NYSD]

Philip Bloch, "Hollywood stylist," goes insane on fashion week in Toronto in today's National Post:

Lynn Hirschberg gives Tom Ford the long kiss goodnight on the occasion of his departure from Gucci. The glass is always half-full to retiring designer Ford, as he recounts the good times and the, well, totally gross times:

In apparently unrelated breaking news stories:
Martha Stewart Found Guilty In Trial [IBS]
Stephen Sprouse, edgy fashion designer, dies at 50 [Newsday]

The gay fellas do so love their fashion-party bags of free whatnots.
Fashion: The Goodie Bag [Yahoo!]

That ambiguously metrosexual duo of media reporters, Jacob Bernstein and Greg Lindsay at WWD, were broken up a while back, when Bernstein left for NY mag. Now Greg, undoubtedly still grieving over the loss of his other half, is leaving WWD this month as well. To... "freelance." Hmm.
First Jacob, Now Greg [The Daily]

Here's a nice saucy bit in honor of Amy Spindler, the NYT mag style editor who died this morning. From her Slate diary on fashion week, 2000:

Dig among the unpaid internship listings for Vibe and CNN's NewsNight on the Columbia Journalism School's job board, and you'll find one that actually pays. Why, you could be the writing tutor for what we assume is Ford Models head Katie Ford's daughter. (Or who knows — maybe Ford has some teen models who need help using their words.) We're assuming leggy and emaciated aren't job requirements.
recent internships [Columbia]

Urban Outfitters has really outdone themselves with this hip-yet-perky ultra-Williamsburg catalogue styling. Gah, they're right! Voting is for old people! That's so wacky and outrageous. Now I'm definitely not going to vote. Or wait — am I supposed to vote? This satire is perplexing! I do know for sure that I should get me one of those trucker hats. (Please note: I have successfully gone for seven weeks without heaping scorn on trucker hats. That's how over they are.)
Men's Tees [Urban Outfitters, via DRUDGE!!!]

Every rare once in a while, something heartwarming happens and you realize: I love New York after all. Today on Craigslist: free men's suits... rescued from the freshly cremated.
free mens suits all sizes [Craigslist]

According to Colin Lively, Manhattan hairdresser and gossip, what was most wrong with last week's fashion fracas was the omnipresence of the Bush Girls. In this week's Production Notes newsletter, he writes:

Most sane people would probably rather wear a shirt picturing Mike Bloomberg's head on a pike and cigarettes sticking out of both eyes than Marc Jacob's new Hillary Clinton t-shirts. But someone's buying 'em, apparently.

A reader writes in:

Disaster! One day at the Marc Jacobs ready to wear show, Vanity Fair's Anne McNally is sitting happily in the front row, in what is apparently some kooky belted faux-snakeskin coat. Who's working it the next day? Vogue's Anna Wintour, at no less than the Marc by Marc Jacobs show. They've brought shame on both their houses. The only honorable thing to do is throw themselves on disfiguring sharp implements in the Conde Nast cafeteria.
Anne McNally at Marc Jacobs [Style.com]
Anna Wintour at Marc by Marc Jacobs [Style.com]
Marc Jacobs: Runway Report [The Kicker]
And Marc Jacobs always leads us to Sofia Coppola which leads us to Scarlett Johannson which leads us to pictures of Scarlett Johansson in see-through underwear. [Stereogum, not that safe for work.]

Hey, the good old PETA fashion week protest is this morning. Could someone cab by and toss meatballs and bacon at them?
PETA anti-fur protest at Bryant Park [What's Up]

It has been agreed by all concerned that if you are spotted wearing these near the fashion week tents at Bryant Park, it is acceptable to burn you alive and place your head on a pike outside 4 Times Square.

· Jeremy Scott: Shows cheerleaders instead of clothes. What the fuck? [FWD]
· Tara Subkoff: Imitation of Crap? [WWD (5th item)]
· Alice Roi and Marc Bouwer suffer from empty seats. [DFR]
· Everyone loves Aussie freakgirls Sass & Bide. [FWD and WWD (1st item)]
· Oh, the 50s are back. I didn't know what that stench was. (Guh. And here I am, revisiting the late 90s.) [NYT]

This'll be of help this week: a scientific quiz to help you identify fake and real smiles. (Of course, in the real world, some are neither — Botox fucks everything up. Also please note: this is an excellent guide to gnarly British teeth and hair, which will also come in handy during fashion week.)
Spot the fake smiles [via Presurfer]

Grammar Cop: Fashion Weak [Banterist]

Fashion week begins on Friday, and we're stoked. Hideously dressed trashed and emaciated people wandering the streets, fighting over cabs, talking shit about everyone. It's Manhattan at its finest! And, according to this anonymous email, designers are preparing in proper fashion: "Jill Stuart worked a 15 year old model from 8 AM Monday to 2 AM tuesday doing fittings. I know that next week is fashion week, but that is ridiculous! Totally unprofessional, and illegal." Oh c'mon. At least she's not being subjected to being called a street-hooker by Barney's creative director Simon Doonan on "America's Next Top Model." Or, you know, being kept as a sex slave on the UWS... though the similarities are rather staggering, if you get right down to it.