You know, we missed an important story this morning. So let's see if we can wrap our minds around its intricacies now:

Why there exists such a thing as an anti-Britney-engager-Kevin-Federline trucker hat is unclear. What are we saying "no" to? Is it his Fresno meth-lab upbringing, which makes him unable to shave his unfortunate wisps of clumpy facial gunk? His claim to being a dancer and appearing shirtless in paparazzi photos while still refusing to exhibit any manner of rippling abdominals? Is it... his love of trucker hats? And, if so, does this mean trucker hats are back?
'Say No To Kevin' Trucker Hat [CafePress]

Hey, I know you don't get a chance to eat much when you're Donatella Versace's daughter, but haven't we all just learned our lesson? (No, the life lesson was not "Don't be the fat twin.") Anyway, congrats to Allegra Beck, who received for her birthday last week half of her uncle Gianni Versace's estate. Don't spend it all in one place, girlfriend! Err, unless that one place is a seriously high-carb eatery.
Allegra Beck, 18th Birthday Party [AP]

What's to say about Guy Trebay's lesbian fashion homage in this weekend's Style section? We're not quite sure what Pat Field's lesbonic ways had to do with dressing the Sex and the City girls up like whores. (Oh wait, now we get it!) But do not — do not — miss the slideshow, which blames "lesbian bikers" for Ashton Kutcher's trucker-hat-wearing ways. Now that's harsh.
The Secret Power of Lesbian Style [NYT]

We've developed something of a magazine phobia recently (magazines bring pain!), so we're only just now getting to the terrifying piece of lifestyle porn on Kimora Lee Simmons in New York. There's something about Kimora — and it's not just that one wants to keep checking her for an Adam's apple. Kimora's leading the brigade — everyone who was no one wants to be a megabrand now:

We would be remiss if we didn't mention a major recent death — perhaps you saw it in wall-to-wall television coverage over the weekend? Yes, Egon Von Furstenberg, age 57, the brilliant and louche fashion designer and visionary, died of causes unknown on Friday. (God, that'll take ya back — remember when everyone in Manhattan died of unknown causes?) Our condolences to the family, and to the other denizens of Manhattan nightlife from back when it was fun and wasn't run by PR hacks and jackass social climbers.
Obituary: Egon von Furstenberg, Prince of Fashion, 57 [WWD]
Von Furstenberg Dies [British Vogue]

Fleshbot points us to some interesting photos: we had heard about shots of hotel heiress and Paris sister Nicky Hilton clad only in body paint a while back, but have never seen them. Please note: we're 85% convinced these are real. Nicky appears to be between brunette and blonde, which, if it's her, will help you real obsessives to track the date of the shots.

We've been concerned for some time about the death of ugly hair — a defining characteristic of the post-9/11 Manhattan era, now ugly hair seems to have been replaced by, well, pretty hair. Last night, one of the not-so-nice gays from the Datalounge gossip bulletin boards blew a gasket over the premature death of the fauxhawk:

Former skagalite, current socialite Paris Hilton has finally decided to make a little money off that brand identity that she shuffles tirelessly around the globe — first up in her licensing deals will be her own perfume. Oh, whatever will this deliriously sensational odor be called? Paris Hilton's Amnesia? Springtime in Paris? Paris Hilton's Tender is the Night? Paris Hilton's Eau d'Cold Hard Cash? Paris Hilton's Nyah Nyah, Sex Scandals Cannot Stop My Onslaught?
Paris Hilton: Scent of a Woman [WWD]

The uptight Daily Fashion Report mocks the fun-loving sleazesters over at IMG's The Daily about yesterday's silly Graydon Carter replacement poll. Says DFR:

The NYTimes tries to solve the riddle of fashion magazine Harper's Bazaar current schizophrenic condition. On one hand, newsstand sales and ad pages are up, but then there's also an image problem: the magazine is deemed "uncool" and confusing. Editorial direction resembles a broken compass and each issue has two covers: newsstand version gets the tight-fitting clothes treatment while subscribers receive something a bit less titty. At the helm of this good/bad wave is editor Glenda Bailey who's been getting dragged (like a horse?) through Page Six lately. Loads of high-profile defections don't help anyone's cause but one reader suspects the gossip column hounding could be New York Post's Elisa Lipsky-Karasz. She was none other than Glenda's personal assistant at Bazaar (as well as predecessor Kate Betts's before Bailey). Mmm, the stories she could tell...

The Smoking Gun website reports that Vogue Editor Anna Wintour owes the NY State's Compensation Board close to $140,000 for not providing insurance coverage, as required by law, to a personal employee (of hers, not Conde Nast) who suffered an injury in December of 1997.

Our Gal Pal Briyah returns with another party report from the land of fashion, free vodka drinks, and wandering B-listers:

We're still not exactly sure what we're supposed to "free" Courtney from. Her obsessive need to display her breasts? Her thousands of dollars of arrears on her Manhattan apartment? Her outstanding bill at the Malama Salon in Hawaii? But, you know, we're down with it.

Vogue editor-at-large Andre Leon Talley, cornered at the Met's Costume Ball, waxes rhapsodic (and insanely) about how the little people can all now afford to indulge in tasteful elegant living:

Finally, the dirt rolls in from the Met's Costume Institute Gala last night. Most important news: Anne Heche's hair, pictured right. The mind boggles. Hell, the follicles boggle. Anyway, The Daily reports:

Claire Zulkey interviews E. Jean Carroll, the high-strung enthusiast who writes the advice column for Elle, on the importance of good shoes:

From the people who brought you the $1400 leather dog bed — it's cute! And dogs really like it! — comes the $195 iPod case. Ahh, Gucci. Even with Tom Ford gone, it's always balls out and over-priced-fashion forward with them.
$195 Gucci iPod Case [Gizmodo]

So far, Lil' Kim is kicking Martha Stewart's courtroom ass, at least sartorially — and this was only the indictment! (We're hoping for the fashion trial of the century. She'll have a new wig on every time the jury sneezes!) Although Martha's famous court-going Birkin bag probably cost more, it was said to be at least a decade old. We're having a hard time getting a look at Ms. Kim's bag in these shots, but Open All Night suggests it's 12 grand worth of purse. Round one to Ms. Kim.

Outside of Manhattan, the Bible is the new bible for style and self-help, notes Low Culture. And not much has changed in 2000 years, as you can see in this comparison of Carson Kressley and the Book of Jeremiah: