Mother to the stars Dina Lohan took a relaxing trip to the beach Sunday afternoon amidst rumors circulating that her daughter Lindsay Lohan had a relapse in sobriety over the weekend in New York City. She seemed to be unfazed by the news about her eldest daughter, going as far to say, "This is what happens when you pass on doing our awesome reality show. Only on E! this summer. We love it, too!"

As much as we poke fun at Momager/Pimp Dina Lohan for her questionable parenting techniques and famewhore-y tactics to become just as cool and famous as her bankable daughter Lindsay, we secretly can't ignore the fact that having her as a mother might simply be loads of fun. Sure, you don't really have a role model, and you can't expect anyone to pick you up after school, but it's not like you go to school anyway! In Ali Lohan's case, you go to Las Vegas. MSNBC.com reports that Dina and Ali hit the strip to shoot scenes from their upcoming reality show Living Lohan and, from the sounds of it, had a grand ol' Britney Spears-in-garters kind of stay...

[Dina Lohan, mother of actress Lindsay and the soon to be ruined Ali, dancing a strange tarantella in Harlem while filming her reality show "Living Lohan"; image via Splash]

Is Ali Lohan's new look just a matter of spiffing up her hair and makeup for the Living Lohan camera crew, or could she be the latest victim of Ashlee Simpson Syndrome? As you'll recall, Ashlee wasn't able to escape the shadow of her big sister until she went under the knife, and now it appears that lil' Lohan might be following her lead. Some recent shots of her out and about on the red carpet show a nearly unrecognizable version of her former clean-faced, mousy-haired, age-appropriate self. After the jump, we took a look at a few before and after shots to try and figure out if Ali's new hotness is the result of a knife or if she just found herself one hell of a hairdresser.

Lindsay Lohan has been doing an awful lot of public babbling regarding her determined efforts not to appear on Momager/pimp Dina Lohan's upcoming reality show. But does her unwillingness to appear have to do with those tightwads at E!'s inability to properly grease her pockets, or is it more that Lindsay is intentionally snubbing her fame-hungry family members? The official answers behind Lindsay's refusal have yet to be revealed, but judging from her current crop of friends, we're praying to the cable gods that either E! comes up with a killer paycheck or Lindsay gives in to Dina's assualt-by-camera tactics. Mainly because Lindsay's new nightlife-traipsing buddies include Lesbian Wingwoman 2.0, a wanna-be music manager and, of course, Samantha Ronson.

Lindsay Lohan, actress and "former" skiing enthusiast, has apparently refused to appear on her mother Dina's reality show. I guess the young lady has had enough negative attention, and is at least wise enough to realize that this particular television program is what some would call "the nadir of human civilization." Or, she just wants to hit that mean old bitch where it hurts. [Showbiz Spy]

In the raging war on basic human decency, another family has been drafted to the front line. Dina Lohan, mother of ruined actress Lindsay and future corpse in a sad hotel room Ali, says that the family has "no choice" but to do their upcoming E! reality series about Ali rapping on the door of stardom while Dina stands angrily behind her with a battering ram. They were conscripted by the media that ruthlessly hounds them. Dina's logic is that by wielding the power of a TV camera she can control the inevitably intense scrutiny the family will endure when she gleefully throws her next daughter off a cliff. Page Six has video of Dina yammering on about her theory (something about "carte blanche"). After the jump, more video of this principled woman sharing her wisdom.

· It's official! E! has picked up eight episodes of Living Lohan, a realitainment showcasing the highs and lows of everyone's favorite momabler, Dina Lohan, as she moves the family from Long Island to Las Vegas for little Ali's career. Ali records an album, the two live in a suite at the Palms (coincidentally owned by exec producer Phil Maloof), and we get a shattering glimpse into the heart of momabling darkness. Be afraid. [Variety]
· Confused about what the hell the Warner Bros.-ingested New New Line is going to wind up looking like? Guess what—so is Warner Bros.! [Variety]

We are deeply saddened to report that momager, pimp and our very own white Oprah, Ms. Dina Lohan, has signed with E! to film her long-lusted after reality show. According to the network's official press release, we shall be forced to view Dina's attempts to jumpstart the other ones' (Ali and Cody) careers in showbiz, and they'll tell you why the torturous Living Lohan is necessary:

Lindsay Lohan's recent decision to strip down to nothing for an egregiously under-airbrushed New York magazine pictorial recreating a sitting from the last days of a similarly troubled™ screen icon was enough to raise more than a few Hollywood eyebrows; shock-starlet watchers questioned whether dabbling a freckled toe into softcore waters could lead to a headlong tumble into the dark, cokepant-strewn abyss. Most of those concerns were put to rest, however, the moment noted momabler Dina Lohan assured the world that the photos were in fact not-at-all desperate, completely non-exploitative art. Now, via an E! Online exclusive that doesn't at all give off the pungent whiff of publicist-planted damage control, we learn that Lohan's career is right back where she wants it to be, including a starring turn on the big screen alongside the extremely bankable and A-listy Jack Black:

Okay, everyone needs to chill out and relax already about those nudie pics Lindsay shot for NY Mag. There's nothing wrong with a young girl splashing her freckalicious T&A all over billboards and buses, so zip up your pants and act like an adult. Why? Because Dina Lohan says so! As the momager/pimp tells People, "I looked at it as art...I don't look at them like it's Playboy. Trust me. I wouldn't have sent my 14 year-old to the set. And obviously Lindsay wouldn't do anything with her sister there that was risque." Yes, Dina, obviously. More lessons from the House of Lohan, and Lindsay's pre-shoot workout regime, after the jump.

Our mutation-identification-specialist siblings over at Gawker have discovered something truly disconcerting going on with Lindsay Lohan's right hand: Ten fingers! If ever there was a reason for expecting moms not to chug thalidomide-and-amaretto cocktails at fake-Rockette after-parties, this is it! [Gawker]

• Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger amicably split a few weeks ago, a source confirmed to Us Weekly on Labor Day (sneaky!). Was it her haircut? His male pattern baldness? Did the height difference eventually prove insurmountable? [Us Weekly]
  

• Hey, Dina Lohan, your daughter Lindsay's in rehab for the third time and you're being sued right and left and even your ex-con ex-husband is looking like a good parent compared to you. What do you have to say for yourself? ""My children and I are in a wonderful place in our lives, and people just want to make things up and see us fail!" To be fair, though, Cirque Lodge does seem like a pretty wonderful place. [24Sizzler]
  

With Lindsay Lohan's reported stay at Utah's Cirque Lodge currently impeding her ability to generate more gossip-column content on her own (that is, unless she hijacks a wild horse or a helicopter and makes a break for the bars of Park City), the tabloids have been forced to reach out to the Lohan-adjacent for new stories. In the upcoming issue of In Touch, the actress's former bodyguard celebrates the sacred bond between human shield and vulnerable client by sharing some of his fondest memories of his time as a member of the Lohan family. From Page Six:

Here's Donald Trump on "Access Hollywood" doing what he does best: Offering his best wishes to Dina and Lindsay Lohan and insulting Rosie O'Donnell. Truly, he is the embodiment of our age.

• Dina Lohan is being sued for fraud. No, it has nothing to do with her "former Rockette" claim. [Page Six]
  

• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's big marriage mistake is finally fixed, but Kevin still has the option to fight for full custody, which he'll probs get. Remember when we used to say things like "Poor Britney?" Yeah, that ship has sunk. [Us]
  

From the Department of Unclear On The Concept:

• Tina-lauding reached new heights at Tina Brown's book party, but Isaac Mizrahi's compliment takes the lo-cal cake: "She's like a role model for me right now because she's so thin. I mean, not that she was ever big, but you know she's kind of at that crucial moment, where she could go one way or the other and she kind of looks amazing. So that's a real inspiration for all of us." Thinspiration! [NYO]