· Times Square to be filled with metal detectors borrowed from NYC schools.
· A photographic tour of Williamsburg.
· The Year in Pandering: Havrilesky on 2003's illest TV.
· The AirTrain: Penn Station to JFK in 75 glamorous minutes.
· Neil Morton gives a quick Canadian perspective on American magazines.
Blacktable reviews the week that was, and Stephanie gives a D+ to:
· "When I was younger and going through an awkward stage, people used to always tell me I looked like my dad," says Chelsea Clinton. "But now people are telling me that I look more like my mom, which I love because I think she's beautiful." [NY Daily News]
· Related: Chelsea Clinton jumps on table and jumps on new father Mark Wahlberg in front of her boyfriend. [NY Post]
· Michael Jackson's allegations of police misconduct come undone and his spokesperson resigns in the face of the Nation of Islam. [NY Post and NYT]
· Drew Barrymore, desperate to be a Vogue cover girl, gives Us Weekly her two-year old letter of apology to editor Anna Wintour. [NY Daily News]
· Paris Hilton does some "charity" for washout and Backstreet Boy Nick Carter. [NY Post]
· Remembering Glamour's "A day in the life of his penis" article, and other v. v. important glossy moments from the year in magazines. [Wash Post]
· Courtney Love, actress, musician, mother - butt-nekkid? And rambling? No way. Wait, she's in rehab? [IMDB] via [NY Post]
· While playing an overdosed clubber, heiress (and Patty's daughter) Lydia Hearst, 19, claims "I refuse to be thrown into that stereotype where people say a rich heiress modeling just has a hobby."... Also, we're concerned about the Leonardo DiCaprio and Gisele Bundchen engagement. Gisardo? Gicaprio? Leochen? Someone pull E!'s Ted Casablanca out of the bathhouse, we need help. [NY Daily News]
· The Post claims former Mets manager Bobby Valentine will be getting divorced before going off to manage baseball in Japan for three years. Sources over here say the opposite — Bobby and Mary are quite happily married after 26 years. [NYP]
· "It's like a new beginning" of the end as New York tourism levels rebound to pre-9/11 levels. "Orange alert? I think it's some kind of marketing thing," says one. "Life is life - you could fall on the sidewalk and die," say two. Mmm. You sure could, tourist. [NYT]
· A tryst in the men's room of the NY Public Library was unnecessarily disrupted by the premiere party of soon-to-be Oscar-also-ran Cold Mountain. [NYDN]
· Let the intervention begin: who doesn't think Tara Reid is a lush? [NYP]
· Departures, the fancy-schmancy lifestyle/shopping mag published for AmEx cardholders (which recently sent Ann Magnuson on a hilarious shopping spree to Vegas) is edited by an ex-Wintour employee; interestingly, the mag will feature a travel spread by Devil Wears Prada author Lauren Weisberger. (Perhaps her travel feature is a tour of hell?) [NYP]
All sightings are submitted by readers. Send yours to tips@gawker.com.
· 230 Park Avenue was advised to remove its "Christmas cross" because "That cross is a bull's eye to terrorists." Their proximity to the UN and Grand Central wouldn't be an issue, though, I'm sure. [NYP]
· Brad Pitt craves human flesh. I mean, having babies. [NYDN]
· Jerry Lewis comes home from rehab in time for Christmas; AA to throw endless B-list-star-studded telethon to raise money for his detox bills. [LV Sun]
Psych! As of right now, noon on Christmas Eve day, you're fucked! Just bring 'em some shitty deli flowers and face it: you're a bad friend/lover/housemate/trick/child. You're the self-involved Manhattanite that everyone always said you were, so wear that title proudly.
· Ben Affleck reports he is desperate to spawn: "I would just like to keep 'em coming." Anti-Affleck humanitarians plan much-needed emergency kidnapping and vasectomy. [NYP]
· Gandolfini purchases immense shiny diamond, either for his navel piercing or for potential engagement. [NYDN]
· New Peter Pan film revealed by brilliant scholarly Christians to be an exploration of adolescent sexuality and anxiety. [MSNBC]
Posting here will be slightly reduced over the holidays. While you're all kissing parental ass for the holiday season (so you can move back in with them, no doubt), I'm busy planning a hot new article for the NYT. See, I've heard that the economy is on the up, nightlife is back, folks are dressing fancy again, and everyone is tippling this drink called "The Cosmo"! I'm thinking of calling the piece... The Rebirth of Cocktail Culture!
· Still Crazy After All These Years: Superfreak Bernie Goetz, celebrating his 19th anniversary of not shooting people.
· Still unclear on the concept of "best and final": deluded moguls, the morning after the New York sale.
· Drugs on Christmas: "Coke is a totally acceptable holiday drug," and "Heroin is okay, but only if you are alone in a Detroit hotel room into which you've dragged a fern from the lobby which you've decorated with lit cigarettes."
· New Year's predictions from Cindy Adams' psychic: Ashton Kutcher knocks up Demi Moore, then leaves her for young blonde; Paris Hilton pens book (book!) and gets engaged to TV personality; Jay-Z and Beyonce wed; and Prince Charles will finally get to be Camilla's tampon in holy wedlock. [NYP
· Paris Hilton's whoredom is good for saucing up the Hilton hotel chain's brand image. I smell a great advertising campaign; night vision, techno music, Paris putting a mint on everyone's pillow... [NYDN]
· Battle of the sushi chefs: alleged Nobu competitors launching all over town. [NYDN]
· Martha Stewart, on Larry King tonight: "You can't let [anger] get to you because then, again, your functionality, your daily chores can't get done... And other than having a few more luxuries than I might have had, my life is the same. I still have my chickens... I do have giant cages on my porch filled with canaries who just breed happily." She added that she herself wants to remarry and breed dozens of little yellow birds. [CNN]
· Lara Flynn Boyle order meal, barely touches it. [NYP]
· Post calls Us Weekly/Rolling Stone's Jann Wenner, "cheap" for getting champaigne donated for company holiday party. [NYP]
The 'Make It Stop' List:
· Michael Jackson: If it meant I'd never have to hear about him again, I'd purchase 50 highly-molestable un-aging children for him and put them all on an island somewhere for eternity.
· "Uncorroborated" rumors of suicide-bombers in Manhattan: twice the shopping with three times the anxiety.
· Martha Stewart: too rich to pay her maintenance on her crappy Richard Meier condo?
· NY mag columnist Michael Wolff: Doesn't get to own New York. Who's the boss now, Mikey?
· New York University: I'm sorry, what are the Olsen twins' SAT scores?
· Harper's Bazaar wants Sean Combs and Donald Trump to trade their model girlfriends for a day. The two women are also supposed to wear homemade signs that say "chattel." [NY Post]
· Graydon Carter, editor of Vanity Fair, sent out Christmas cards showcasing his children - Ash, Max, Bronwen, and Spike - in bathing suits, "tanned, toned... perched on rocks." Fortunately, Michael Jackson and R Kelly were cut from the Christmas card list this year. [NY Post]
· Charlize Theron relates to playing a lesbian prostitute serial killer in Monster: "We all have it in our lives." God, don't we though? [NY Times]
· Chronic hot girl-on-girl party-brawler Tara Reid has hot girl-on-girl party brawl. [NYDN]
· Michael Jackson gets new job: selling bean pies for Farrakhan. [NY Post]
· Paris Hilton for President? After all, she gets D.C. and men — and kicks Bush in the ratings. [Washington Post]
· Ben Affleck tries to make sense: "If you juxtapose our relationship to the ones we had earlier, you'd see that I was really much more different from Gwyneth [Paltrow], this blond, upper-class, private-school girl from the upper East Side, and Jen from Puffy, who was this Horatio Alger kind of black guy who raised himself up the way he did." [NY Daily News]
· Incidentally, Affleck's "Paycheck" evidently so rancid he'd rather be in the Persian Gulf during its opening week. [Reuters]
· Britney Spear's 12-year-old sister scores Nickelodeon comedy series; hopes to be next Hilary Duff. [Hollywood Reporter/Reuters]
· Who's missing from the 2004 wedding list? [E!]
