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It's a very special Christmas Gawker Stalker, in which it is asked: "When you ass-kiss at Soho House do you have to ass-kiss both cheeks?"

Stuff all this down your chimney: Henry Kissinger, Chris Noth x3, Martha Stewart, Ethan Hawke talks about his feelings, Scott Foley picking out the bling, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, Matt Dillon, Nicole Richie's dad, Molly Sims, Serena Altshul, Tony Kushner and Mark Harris, Drew Barrymore and Fabrizio Moretti + sundry Strokes (in which Fab invents a burrito!), assorted hot and not-ness at the David Sedaris Xmas benefit, Joe Namath, Smallville's Tom Welling, LL Cool J and Kim Fields, Salman Rushdie, the inseparable Ryan Adams and Parker Posey, the inseparable Chelsea Clinton and what's-his-name, Elijah Wood, downtown saint Debbie Harry, Carson Kressley, and a plethora of oddities at the Peggy Siegal screening of "Cold Mountain" (Liza! Maury! Annabella! Ann Richards!).

· Just saw still-at-large war criminal Henry Kissinger touring the El Greco exhibition at the Met. Long before I saw him, I heard his deep, almost unintelligible basso profundo, which has the foundation-shaking, low-frequency resonance of a subwoofer. He was accompanied by an entourage that included a bodyguard, who looked like noted hockey pugilist Tie Domi, and several geriatric models for the leathery hag socialites from the John Currin exhibition. He kept asking how old El Greco was at the time he did each painting and spent a long time in front of the portrait of the grand inquisitor — kindred spirits? What would El Greco make of Kissinger? A cardinal? I thought at first the desiccated creature being wheeled around by the flunky/curator was a mummy on the way to the Egyptian wing, but when it moved at one point, I realized it was his wife, Nancy.

· I work at the Cheese counter at Dean and Deluca. Chris Noth came in today. Devastatingly good-looking. Like, absolutely neck-and-neck with Clooney for the title of "Best Looking Man Over 40 in North America". As I was wrapping up his goat cheese, flashes started going off all around from passive-aggressive tourists with camera phones. Noth rolls his eyes and stares at me impatiently. Another cheese customer annoyingly points out, "They know who you are," to which Noth sighs, and grumbles - no, wait for it