The 'Make It Stop' List:
 · Michael Jackson: If it meant I'd never have to hear about him again, I'd purchase 50 highly-molestable un-aging children for him and put them all on an island somewhere for eternity.
· "Uncorroborated" rumors of suicide-bombers in Manhattan: twice the shopping with three times the anxiety.
· Martha Stewart: too rich to pay her maintenance on her crappy Richard Meier condo?
· NY mag columnist Michael Wolff: Doesn't get to own New York. Who's the boss now, Mikey?
· New York University: I'm sorry, what are the Olsen twins' SAT scores?

The 'Ruh Roh' Warning List:
 · Mega-clubs: West Chelsea's new nightclubs Crobar and Marquee are still open after a week; time will tell.
· Tina Brown: Her Washington Post columns veer from topics A to Z, making audience loyalty difficult.
· Charlie LeDuff: NYT journalist walks close to the edit in a new near-plagiarism scandal at the Times.
· The dirty scarves of Manhattan: Look, I know winter just now arrived, and it sucks, but all your cute little scarves are covered in cat hair and shmutz from last winter. Would it kill you to visit the dry cleaner? Thanks!

The 'Hot and Sneaky and Getting Paid' List:
 · Anup Bagaria, financier Bruce Wasserstein's right-hand man: Leaks to competing New York magazine bidders that Wasserstein missed the bid deadline, then disappears, while Wasserstein beats out the competition behind the scenes.
· Kurt Andersen, Graydon Carter & Co.: they want their cred, and they get it in the form of a million-plus bucks for a memoir of their times at Spy.
· New York mag editor Caroline Miller: She's a survivor, but she's not gonna diss them on the internet cause her mama taught her better than that.
· The Smoking Gun: Blowing elderly court reporters for documents really pays off.