· Michael Jackson gets new job: selling bean pies for Farrakhan. [NY Post]
· Paris Hilton for President? After all, she gets D.C. and men — and kicks Bush in the ratings. [Washington Post]
· Ben Affleck tries to make sense: "If you juxtapose our relationship to the ones we had earlier, you'd see that I was really much more different from Gwyneth [Paltrow], this blond, upper-class, private-school girl from the upper East Side, and Jen from Puffy, who was this Horatio Alger kind of black guy who raised himself up the way he did." [NY Daily News]
· Incidentally, Affleck's "Paycheck" evidently so rancid he'd rather be in the Persian Gulf during its opening week. [Reuters]
· Britney Spear's 12-year-old sister scores Nickelodeon comedy series; hopes to be next Hilary Duff. [Hollywood Reporter/Reuters]
· Who's missing from the 2004 wedding list? [E!]