1. This week we found out about the top-earning CEOs: way to be, Colgate-Palmolive's Reuben Mark and Apple's Steve Jobs!
2. Asian and gay-offending Details writer Whitney McNally: so famous she has her very own website all about how evil she is. (Bonus: You know, I really can't tell if those Asians at the Details protest are gay or not. I wish someone would write a helpful article explaining how to tell the difference!)
3. Craving fame? Humiliate yourself by submitting to the Shit Tales anthology.
4. What if Us Weekly covered anti-US Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr?
5. Rheingold, the beer company, launches their pro-smoking campaign. Who knew that "take back New York City" meant "smoke in bars"?
6. Since we all keep saying it's 1988, shouldn't we bring Dance Party USA back into syndication?
7. Meanwhile, Miramax bagman Harvey Weinstein settles back on his haunches to watch the numbers roll in this weekend. Harv wants you. He needs you to see "Kill Bill." Won't you do it for Harv and his bank balance? Don't get all "Jersey Girl" on the big man now...

Special thanks to our advertisers this week: these revolutionaries keep me and my manicurist in tips. If you'd like to reach the smartest readers in the world, all the info is here.

1. Do not be as confused as we were when we saw this headline: "US weekly jobless claims jump 30,000 to 360,000" has nothing to do with the actual Us Weekly.
2. David Beckham's "secret parts" to be revealed.
3. NYU's adjunct profs quite possibly to strike: incoming freshwomen Mary-Kate and Ashley to mediate.
4. Average cost of a Manhattan apartment: one million dollars. Suck it up or get out.
5. 10 worst album covers ever.

1. Bonnie Fuller under fire for photoshopping Demi and Ashton's outfits. Look, people are expecting veracity from the Star, how adorable.
2. Two former waiter-employees are suing the 56th Street restaurant Town. Among other complaints, the waiters were reportedly crudely manhandled in their pants areas by hot, lusty busboys. Uh, hi, some people pay good money for that.
3. Concorde memorabilia auction. Mmm, "nosecone." [via CP]
4. When journalists take stories from The Onion, unhilarity ensues.

· Derek Jeter spotted dining at SushiSamba with his "nice-girl" Vanessa Minnillo, who has never posed in her skivvies in do-me positions. Oh wait, yes she has! [NYP]
· Dick Clark suffering from adult-onset diabetes, not prostate cancer, as previous rumors had it. [NYDN
· The entrance of Martha Stewart caused a wave of silence to sweep over The Grill Room, opposed, evidently, to a wave of cackling or finger-pointing. [NYP]
· Classy Trump World Bar creates $1000.00 cocktail. Yay, it's the 80s! I mean, the late 90s! But with a 70s inflection! [NYP]
· Mike Piazza spent $500K on an engagement ring, says the Post. [NYP] Not so, says the Daily News: only $98K. His rep says there's no engagement at all. [NYDN]

As promised by last week's NYP, this week's Observer contains a harrowing investigation into the lives of heiress/spokesmodels. You know what sucks? To be popular and rich and lazy these days, you actually have to pretend to work, at like, a job:

Sightings are provided by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

1. English mutates as NBC trims all blurbs down to three words. It's the Friends-enthusiast attention span limit.
2. Songs To Wear Pants To: odd music written by a fellow named Andrew, tooled to your specifications.
3. Product placements coming for magazines: look for Larissa MacFarquhar enjoying a frosty Coke in her next 8000-word profile.
4. On his cracked-out architecture tour of the overpaid and over-rated, NYT architecture critic Herbert Muschamp goes into a swoon for Diller + Scofidio (and their mysterious new partner, "Renfro.")
5. If you'd like to know the first name of the heroine of Kill Bill — it was bleeped throughout the first film — it appears in the first paragraph of David Denby's New Yorker review, without so much as a spoiler warning.
6. Installment three of the dispatches from Gary Bentley, a 22-year-old rock loser from upstate New York, settling, with difficulty, in Manhattan.

· Is Sofia Coppola's estranged husband Spike Jonze dating Yeah Yeah Yeahs singer Karen O? [NYDN (3rd item: finally Lloyd Grove gets something juicy and he buries it)]
· Rocco gets dumped. [NYP]
· Courtney Love claims a fake cleaning lady burgled her NYC apartment. She also claims leprechauns fucked with her stash. [NYDN]
· Denise Rich rents out her Southampton property for a (very short) summer season to the tune of $530K. [NYP]

Tiny bookish blogger Maud Newton promises violence on the L train. Remember the Giuliani days, when death threats against subway riders would get you put on The List, or at the very least interrogated in a rat-infested cell? Anyway, if you see a tiny black-haired girl scowling at you under the East River, get the fuck out of her way:

· Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling — out on $5mil bail for his 35 counts of various badnesses — lost his shit at 4 a.m. and started tearing at strangers' clothes and screaming, "You're an FBI agent and you're following me!" That is so beautiful. Whether he's faking it like a mafia don or he's really gone batshit, we'd like to salute Skilling's crazy ass. In fact, we're gonna get a little bit Skilling this weekend! (Maybe we'll get a little Spelling too!)
· Warning: there are gays in the media — even sometimes on TV!
· Michael Musto on Fabian Basabe: "The Barbara Bush escort recently revealed that he's going to show guys how to pick up girls on an MTV reality show, but honey, he was quite visible at Beige the other night, where the vast majority of the girls have penises!"
· Boing Boing asks: Has this anonymous site been Owen Wilson's blog? We actually believe that it's George Clooney's. Wait! I heard it was Bill Murray's! And Mary-Kate and Ashley's!
· A prediction for a new way to leach money from your fame in the future: Celebrity credit cards.

Alexis Stewart, Martha's daughter, isn't divorced from her husband John Cuti yet, but she's said to Larry King that she's romantically involved with a new someone.

Perhaps you've noticed that things have been a little bit draggy here at Gawker this week. (By my calculations, there's been a noticeable 35% decrease in general bile-spewing.) Have I been working on an exciting new project for you? Not at all! Getting ready to jump Nick Denton's tacky Gawker Media publishing empire for Jason Calacanis's? Certainly not! (Better the devil you know...) Or having drastic cosmetic surgery as part of a horrifying reality show? No, that's slated for next month. (I'm gonna be the swan! I'll cut those other bitches up!)

There's a real doozy of a Young Manhattanite interview today, with tech guru Clay Shirky. He has a great story about how one free beer kept him a New Yorker for life, but here's Shirky on Manhattan's culture of envy and competition:

Frank Bruni, the NYT Rome bureau chief, has been announced as the new NYT restaurant critic. Additionally, Eric Asimov has been named the chief wine critic. (There is such a thing?)

Sightings are provided by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

· High-hair catfight: Morrissey v. Robert Smith in Entertainment Weekly. (What's more interesting: somehow, over the last twenty years, the two chief purveyors of English gloom have never actually been introduced.) [NYP]
· Olivia Chantecaille and her paramour, Eric Villency, come complete with press kit — which, unfortunately for them, was leaked to Page Six. [NYP]
· Omarosa is finally losing her mind, both on and off TV. [NYDN]
· Something about Murdoch the elder, Murdoch the young and hotter, Nielsen ratings, Hillary Clinton, and... some other stuff. Honestly, maybe my attention span has been damaged by reality TV, but I can't figure this story out. [NYDN]
· Queens of the Stone Age's Josh Homme got thwacked in the face at Niagara by unidentified hipster. [NYP]

· Thank God for the newest and much-needed technological breakthrough. Welcome to Friendster-style group-text-messaging for lazy bar-hoppers: it's Dodgeball, baby.
· Those Republican social events we "couldn't find" for our to-do lists? Here they are. Knock yourselves out.
· Why's newlywed Beck so happy? It's all thanks to the soothing rituals of a Scientologist wedding.
· And, of course, tonight is the debut of The Swan, in which a team of plastic surgeons take three months to remake 17 "average" women into beauty contestants; the show culminates in a deadly-serious pageant, and hopefully a series of catfights. Yay America! Yay Fox! I'm so proud of all of us right now.

Lisa Dierbeck contemplates the important question that sooner or later all New Yorkers must answer: what should we wear when we get checked in at the Nut Hut?

Reader Mail #1: "As a gay man, i feel the need to chime in that the new NYC2012 Olympic logo doesn't look gay, it just looks retarded."