· Fox plans reality channel consisting of programming ideas stolen from bite-sized NBC-Universal honcho Jeff Zucker, NBC-Universal plans channel consisting only of Jeff Zucker bitching about Fox. [THR]
· Tony Danza promises new talk show will be great. Um, who's Tony Danza? [THR]
· Paramount considers making the Ten Commandments. This seems to violate Commandment 5 1/2: Thou shalt spend ten seconds thinking of an original idea before making a movie for the third fucking time. [THR]
· The X-Files Chris Carter returns from obscurity to join another supernatural sounding project. Don't go stretching yourself, Chris. [THR]
· David Letterman's Worldwide Pants is on board to produce Amy Sedaris's Strangers With Candy movie. This is the best idea we've seen since some crazy person signed the deal for the Kids in the Hall movie. It's fun when someone spends millions to please fifteen Comedy Central viewers! [Variety,
sub. req'd.]
· Crash the Highlands and get a glimpse of this year's Project Greenlight premature has-beens, before they get a chance to make a million dollar film that grosses twenty bucks. [Variety,
sub. req'd.]

You've perpetrated a historic fashion crime when Lindsay Lohan's ludicrously prominent cleavage is the only thing that could possibly distract attention from your blazer. In any case, we're starting to think that the Disney Photoshop Team is taking on freelance work.

When you wind up with Chris Rock's old cellphone number, life becomes a series of adorable encounters that will make a great story for your children. Unfortunately, the lesser lights of Hollywood sometimes change their numbers without notifying everyone in their address book. A Defamer reader sends us her considerably less magical "adventures" from receiving a cellphone with the number of Roseanne Barr's (Arnold/just plain Roseanne/Barr again, whatever) assistant Becky. (Fun fact: Becky is also the wife of Roseanne's ex-husband, who also is employed by Roseanne. Wrap your mind around that family/business dynamic.)

—Paris Hilton double-shot: Is she putting the sex tape behind her or not? She gives the porn money to charity, but also poses for the cover of a magazine with a feature entitled "Doggy Styles." Can't have it both ways, Par. Oops, actually we have seen her have it both ways. (via The Absurdist)
—Kevin Federline baby mama Shar Jackson comes out of hiding at an LA charity event. Hope she didn't hear what Kevin's in for on the honeymoon.
—Yes, we're well aware that Courtney Love seems a bit troubled these days. She probably just needs a vacation.
—We blame Diane Keaton for the upcoming middle-aged dangly parts coming to a theater near you.
—We would never have guessed that Madonna could be trouble on a movie set.

Variety anticpates a battle between Paramount and Fox over next year's Fourth of July weekend, when both Mission: Impossible 3 and Fantastic Four are scheduled to open. Defamer is up to the challenge of fearlessly predicting the outcome of this face-off, presuming that one of the studios doesn't pull their offering off the Independence Day picnic table and withdraw from Hollywood's biggest dick-measuring contest.

Defamer doesn't have 25 bucks to throw around in support of any "political causes" that don't involve certain illegitimate aspects of the Colombian economy, but at least one of his readers allocated his money differently at last Wednesday's comedy Concert For Kerry at the Hollywood Knitting Factory:

Isabel Sanford (left) died Friday in Los Angeles. She was 86.

The newly-appointed Defamer Correspondent On The Phobias Of Seizure-Inducing Blockbuster Directors sends us a little dirt about the new Superman movie in development at Warner Bros. [UPDATE after the jump]:

Several readers have written in with concern that Jason Alexander's use of the word "gobsmacked" in his blow-by-blow report of his honeymoon sex with Britney Spears seems a little inauthethentic for a Kentwood, LA resident. Indeed, that did strike us as strange when first we read his riveting account of the noises that emnate from a pop-star on her wedding night, but someone much smarter than us already pointed it out. "Gobsmacked" may not seem to be an oft-intoned entry in the Louisiana lexicon, but—Hey, look over there! Britney's titty fell out! (NSFW)

Good Plastic Surgery deconstructs the facial reconstruction that flavor-free Big Brother host Jule Chen used to land boyfriend/CBS and Viacom boss (i.e. her employer) Les Moonves. It appears that she had some work on both her nose and her eyelids. Julie, no need to surgically erase your heritage for Les! He obviously loves you for you. If he wanted to share a bed with a talentless, white CBS reality show host, he'd be "extinguishing Jeff Probst's fire" behind the Tribal Council set.

LasagnaFarm continues its admirable obsession with chronicling the sex acts from each week's episode of Six Feet Under. This week, they juxtapose SFU's shenanigans with Nip/Tuck's naughty parts. Is there a premium channel/basic cable sex war in the offing? HBO might have to unleash the hounds of necrophilia before the sickies at N/T steal their corpse-diddling thunder.

Every word in this exclusive News of the World interview with Jason Alexander, Britney's husband of approximately fifteen vodka-drenched minutes in Las Vegas, is gold. We feel we'd be doing the world a disservice if we did much more than chip off a piece of this ingot describing their quickie marriage and send you on your way. Remember: the sex wasn't cheap. She's saving the cheap stuff for Kevin Federline.

We learned two things on Friday, after kicking off early to start a marathon of alcohol consumption: 1. Whomever made up that little rhyme about "beer before liquor. etc etc" was an unappreciated genius; 2. Crafty, recently-fired network executives try to slip out on Friday afternoons while you're too drunk to check your e-mail.

If you love the box office numbers, set them free. If they come back to you, they are yours; if they don't, consider a high-level executive job at Disney.

If the box office numbers don't unfold exactly like this over the weekend, we promise to ignore these predictions and carry on with our life.

A very quick shout-out to this week's sponsor, who keeps us from a life of detailing Michael Eisner's Bentley with Barbie's toothbrush. Can you tell we didn't sleep much last night? For information on becoming one of Defamer's advertising angels, see this.

Movie blog Tagline, crazed with the apparent dishonesty of the Touchstone/Disney marketing department's abuse of Keira Knightley's chest, did a little more investigation into the issue. They uncover this quote from a Knightley interview with the Guardian:

LA.comfidential's insidery-monikered The Insider marvels at the irreality of Bravo's LensCrafters/American Express infomerial (and current Defamer fave) Blow Out. Among the show's truth-bending sins are Antin's dramatic re-introduction to longtime acquaintance Margaret Cho and lack of disclosure of Antin's longtime, buzzless gig as hopelessly square, hatchet-headed talk show host Jay Leno's stylist. We're a little more bumped out of reality by the show's bludgeoning of the audience with moments supposedly proving Antin's avowed heterosexuality: the cut-shots of his hungry stares at the salon's female clientele, constant "confessionals" about how he loves the chicks, his frequent cockblocking of the show's other tattooed, hetero haircutter. But we'll believe it only when penis touches vagina, preferably during one of those awkward, "I just cut your hair, why don't we stroll over to LensCrafters for some glasses and a quick fuck?" scenes. Come on, the guy knows Margaret Cho.

How we do love movie studio marketing departments. Keira Knightley must have proven a little flat for focus group tastes, as she's apparently been enhanced for this promotional photo (origin of this side-by-side comparison unknown, posted by our pals at JJB). This time, the marketing geniuses may have gotten it right, at least for LA: We know that if we step outside and see anything less than a C-cup, we laugh, point, and offer the offender a return bus ticket to Nowheresville in the name of Flatty Boombatty.

A mere seven days after Ted Harbert's hiring as head of E! became public knowledge, the network lets its employees know that there's a new celebrity-stalking sheriff in town. We suppose it's only fitting because the world knew about Mindy Herman's firing before anyone drawing a paycheck with that adorable exclamation point on it. Here's the, ahem, E!-mail: