· Home Land author Sam Lipsyte, David Rees of Get Your War On, and Steve Burns (yes, he's alive!) perform as Bob & Todd's Pen Pals! tonight at the Marquee Theater, where they will put on a show based on different forms of correspondence (letters, IMs, email, fanmail, hatemail, smoke signals, etc). [flavorpill]
· Former White House press monkey Ari Fleischer likely talks about a whole lotta nothing, but does so with a whole lotta words. See him babble at the 92nd Street Y tonight. [92Y]
· It's Immigrant History Week, but we don't quite get the "history" part — immigration is alive and well in our apartment building. In honor of the 14 people crammed into unit 3D, the International Center has put together a lovely panel of writers (including Pulizer Prize nominee Susah Choi). [CL]

We're hearing Britney Spears, our favorite erstwhile pop tart who may or may not be carrying a Federletus in her womb, has been hospitalized for God-knows-what (we've some guesses but, should she truly have OD'd on Red Bull, we'd feel bad about our preemptive jokes). PageSixSixSix is swearing up and down that Britney checked in on Sunday night, but we're still waiting for her publicist to issue a formal explanation.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

It's been over a month since we've heard much about Evelyn the Food Whore, the Craigslist "icon" who may or may not exist. To recap: Evelyn was one of those spectral personalities of bulletin-board culture whose existence was asserted by several men claiming to have met her online, only to be been duped by her exorbitant dinner demands. This hypothetical woman would order expensive, multi-course meals, eat an inhuman amount, and reportedly purge after courses. A one-woman pyramid scheme for bulimia, if you will.

A hearty congrats to our friends at the Daily News!

Today's Artforum diary is a virtual Gawker Stalker onto itself. Where could you see Wilco's Jeff Tweedy, David Byrne, Rolling Stone's David Fricke, and DJ Spooky tha Subliminal Kid all in one place?

· Oprah Winfrey surprised 100 O mag editorial and advertising staffers by presenting each of them with a $5,000 (tax-free) bonus. But how much did Hearst president Cathie Black then collect as entrance fees for her Park Ave. penthouse? We're guessing around $4,985 per head. [Page Six]
· Billy Joel has finished another round of rehab, making the Hamptons safe again for you and your car. Actually, it's probably still not safe to drive out there. [R&M]
· Who better to bridge the divide between PETA and KFC than hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons? [Scoop]
· Hillary Clinton, evil biography, blah blah blah. [Lowdown]

The Public Relations Society of America is meeting to discuss the profession's portrayal on PoweR Girls. This was announced via, yes, a press release. So, to recap: a PR association sends a PR to announce that they'll be discussing the depiction of PR on a reality show about PR.

· Britney Spears gives charming interview to sweet little 4th grader; sweet little 4th grader's mommy is on close terms with Star magazine. Better watch out, Brit — we hear Bonnie's going to bug Bit-Bit's collar. [Defamer]
· In Williamsburg's latest incarnation, it's New York's "most taunted bohemian neighborhood." [NYT]
· Eulogy for a stalker. [Adweek]
· There are straight men on Cargo's online forums, and they need your help. Badly. [Jossip]

Any out-of-work actor can't just spend his last Carl's Jr. residual check on a superhero costume and stride up to the Chinese Theatre expecting to make beer money by posing for photos with tourists. Established Bizarro Crocodile Dundees, Supermen, and Caped Crusaders have already staked out their turf, and trying to horn in on the action has consequences. A reader reports on a trip to Hollywood Blvd this afternoon:

Let's recap this morning's quiz:

· Flavorpill notes that John Ashbery is a "metaphysician of refined literary labyrinths who politely penetrates the vertiginous voices of modern verse." Looks like somebody went to graduate school. He reads with Anne Waldman tonight. [flavorpill]
· Sonic Youth plays at the Hiro Ballroom in the Maritime Hotel tonight. We find this pairing just as bizarre as you do. [Sonic Youth]
· Blues-y garage rock duo The Kills play Bowery tonight. Just don't call them the White Stripes. [NY Press]

When the weather gets warm, the stalking gets hot. Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

'Tis the season when the great, chain-link gates of higher education open and release thousands of innocent young things into the rat race. This has led to the inevitable influx of unsolicited internship inquiries to slaveship Gawker and, for those of you who are so woefully misguided as to express interest in lending a hand, a few tips:

· Co-ops may be satanic, but they're not so hellish as to approve Mariah Carey or, even worse, allow too many Jews in their buildings. [Page Six]
· Webster Hall curator Baird Jones confesses his inner douchebag to Ted Turner, by asking when the media mogyl will release Gettysburg, which came out ten years ago. [Gatecrasher (4th item)]
· Graydon Carter pulls punches for a story on Spectator publisher Kimberly Quinn, whose cuckolded husband happens to be Cond&eactue; brethern at UK Vogue. [R&M (3rd item)]
· Alicia Silverstone: hates fur, wears J. Mendel, lacks intelligence. [ELK]
· Lloyd Grove asserts the existence of Steven Segal, whether you believe him or not. [Lowdown]

Coming soon to your favorite F platform!

By popular request, it's time for everyone's favorite parlor game, Taunt The Lawyers! Today's blind items:

Friday evening, MTV reported that The Source magazine's co-founder Benzino (or Raymond Scott, as his parents like to call him) had resigned as Chief Brand Manager, citing problems with the publication being "too politically correct." And what timing!

· Jonathan Cheban gets the honor of being a Loathsome Leftover. Better late than never. [NY Press]
· Tomorrow's Times corrections are now available. [Politicker]
· Daily News editor Michael Cooke rapes and pillages the business section, leaves only personal finance behind. [E&P]
· Ashlee Simpson's backstage rider includes pickle relish and pre-recorded sequences. She HAS to lip-sync, it's in her contract! [TSG]
· Our favorite reader translation of the Tory Burch Haiku: "I live in a third floor walk-up and order Chinese a lot / I love J-Lo's Hats / I have no idea how to sew."

Last night the media clusterfuck that is Manhattan got even incestuous-er when Glamour magazine hosted a book party for Page Six's Paula Froelich and her new book, It! 9 Secrets Of The Rich And Famous That Will Take You To The Top (inevitable Learning Annex class coming to a fluorescently-lit room near you). The party was held in the same townhouse from Real World: Back To NY, our cameras were verboten, and the crowd was less literary than Bungalow 8 at 3:30 in the morning. Special correspondent Noelle Hancock was on hand to find out what happens when gossip reporters stop being polite and start getting drunk...