They infest the industry's hottest parties, hang with the town's most rarefied crowds, they're rich, and they often wear lovely suits while trying to siphon millions from celebrity bank accounts. We know what you're thinking: It's another post about agents. Well, you're half-right! Welcome to another fascinating, enormous commission-generating part of the high-level service sector, the world of real estate agents. Peruse in gape-mouthed horror these excerpts from a Details profile of Hollywood's Century-21-but-with-better-blow set:

Plastic surgery has really gone too far.
Let's be honest, writers can't dress and bloggers work naked. So when Gawker heard there was a party titled "Dress for Success," was there any doubt we'd crash? Special correspondent Noelle Hancock and Village Voice paparazzo Jennifer Snow ride in on someone's coattails, document the sartorial madness, and relive the glory days of 227.

Some time ago, a particularly vicious little blog known as Some Blogs Are Better Than Others surfaced with no apparent mission other than insulting bloggers (sometimes humorously, other times not so much). Normally, we wouldn't give two shits about blogs bitching about other blogs, but this one was remarkably nasty for a brief, bright period and then — poof! — disappeared.

· God help you all or, at least, help Jennifer Garner. She's engaged to Ben Affleck. So this is the official premiere of Bennifer Redux, if you can stomach it. [Page Six]
· OMG, Paris Hilton, like, totally officially hates Nicole Richie 4-EVA. [R&M (2nd item)]
· Paparazzo of destruction Steve Sands tries a new technique: Getting Demi Moore's attention by shouting out her Upper West Side address. Suffice to say, this did not win her over. [Lowdown]
· PETA claims to have enlisted the new pope. On the ceiling of the Sistene, the image of Adam rolls his eyes. [Scoop]

Now that reality TV has enabled previously untelevised occupations like "extreme carpenter," "Top Model finder," and "Donald Trump" to regularly score their own shows, the overall fame-whoring level in town (already the fame-whoring capital of the world) has been elevated to even more ludicrous levels. If there's a camera nearby, you're not even safe when you're going under the knife. From blogging,la:

Taking note of the bookies' prowess in picking the new Pope, let's see what the sharps have to say about that most wonderful of wonderful dreams, the prospect of New York City hosting the 2012 Summer Olympics. To the wires:

Say what you will about Pope Benny: He's old, he's old-school, he was in the Hitler Youth, white's not his color, etc. All true, but Gawker is pretty un-Catholic, so we'll stay out of it. What do want to note, however, is that these things really aren't so bothersome compared to the fact that the new pope looks like fucking Paul Wolfowitz in a Halloween costume. Or we the only ones that see this?

Smoke, much like exit polls, is a tricky read.

Yes, we know that the "honor" of a star on the Walk of Fame is essentially meaningless and available to anyone willing to write a check (they may even accept payment directly in crack rocks at this point), but that realization doesn't stop the burning, the horrible burning:

Molly Jong-Fast has banged out her second book, The Sex Doctors in the Basement: True Stories from a Semi-Celebrity Childhood. So we thought it was time we crashed yet another book party in which respectable writers pretend to have heard of Gawker and we pretended to know what they ve written. Since it was on the way to the methadone clinic, Special Correspondent Noelle Hancock stopped by with Village Voice shutterho Jennifer Snow. Zipless fucks, Dave Itzkoff, and Cindy Adams hair after the jump.

· There's something about Mr. Peanut trolling the streets of the Meatpacking district in drag. Doesn't make any sense to us either, but we don't get paid enough to investigate further. [flavorpill]
· Robert De Niro hasn't made a noteworthy film in almost ten years (unfortunately, watching Meet the Parents baked on TBS doesn't make a film noteworthy), but his Tribeca Film Festival kicks off tonight with a screening of the Kidman/Penn vehicle The Interpreter. [TFF]
· Former Gawkette Elizabeth Spiers headlines the latest installment of the WYSIWYG Talent Show, titled "Minimum Rage: Work Slaves Revolt." Hey, you chose this whole blogging/being poor thing yourself, sister. [WYSIWYG]

Daily Kos: "It's a great day to be a Nazi!"

Casino City Times, 4/15/05: "Odds on Germany's Joseph Ratzinger, who prior to Pope John Paul's death was the number four choice, have shortened to 4-1 and France's Jean-Marie Lustiger has come from nowhere to join him at the top of the list."

The curtains are open! The crowd cheers wildly for Cardinal Medina, who will announce the new pope — the volume seems to scare him. He is rather old, as are all the people involved with this business.

It's Joseph Ratzinger! Or, as we like to call him, Benedict XVI.

Fox News calls it black! Italian media says white! ABC says white! Someone will change their mind! ABC is now uncertain! Paraphrasing:

While we wait for the name of the new pope—and more importantly, a fitting third-act resolution to the Pope John Paull II story so that CBS can finally cast Ben Kingsley as the deceased pontiff and rush the inevitable miniseries into production—we think it goes without saying that Les Moonves would do a bang-up job as the spiritual leader of the Catholic Church. We know, he's a darkhorse candidate, but we have a really good feeling about this one.

Since we highly doubt you read the NY Sun, we're thrilled to bring to your attention today's piece on Models for Christ, a group whose goal is to guide Christian models through the "darkness of today's fashion industry." The group provides a safe place to talk about G-d in the company of like-minded mannequins and, according to one mother, helps you score gigs through the power of prayer! But what of the satanic decadence that comes with modeling?

· Unable to halt the chatter about his involvement with Lindsay Lohan, Christian Slater calls his mother to his defense. After praising her wittle boy, Mommy then says Lindsay could learn a lot from her Kufftastic son. Milk and cookies TK. [Lowdown]
· Ashton Kutcher can't get laid on an airplane. What is this world coming to?! [Scoop]
· George Lutz, a former resident of Long Island home upon which The Amityville Horror is based, doesn't like being portrayed as a "bloodthirsty maniac." Go fig. [Page Six]
· Elizabeth Koch, Cornelia Guest, Amanda Hearst and Lauren Bush, beware: Prince Albert is considering you for royal impregnation. [R&M]

With Passover approaching, members of the Tribe left out in the cold head to Craigslist's Casual Encounters: