Ryan Seacrest To Receive Most Urine-Soaked Star On Hollywood Walk Of Fame
Yes, we know that the "honor" of a star on the Walk of Fame is essentially meaningless and available to anyone willing to write a check (they may even accept payment directly in crack rocks at this point), but that realization doesn't stop the burning, the horrible burning:
CONGRATULATIONS RYAN! Tomorrow, April 20th Ryan Seacrest will be receiving a STAR on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for his career in radio! The ceremony will take place at Hollywood & Highland in the heart of Hollywood at 11:30am sharp!
We're genuinely sorry about the short notice, but there's work to be done, and done quickly. We have less than 19 hours to invent a time machine, travel back to the moment before Seacrest's conception, and sterilize his father with a fireplace poker. Are we too ambitious? Maybe. But no one ever achieved greatness by thinking small, and merely burning down all of Hollywood to postpone the star dedication ceremony feels too simple. What's that, the margaritas are blended? Gotta run, but get started on that time machine thing, OK? We need tequila to undertake the thirsty work of altering history for seemingly frivolous ends.
