Erudite pundit brothers Christopher and Peter Hitchens have been estranged for four years and no one told me? Apparently, it's over a rather lame Stalin joke. This is just like that episode of Frasier where Niles gets upset over Frasier's refusal to acknowledge the necessity of Lenin's crushing of the Kronstadt rebellion!
In attempting to retrace the route of Christian Slater's Memorial Day Reign of Terror, the following reports may be useful:
· As if Las Vegas weren't garish enough, Donald Trump's new 64-story Trump Hotel and Tower will have some competition from his ex-wife Ivana, whose aptly-named Ivana condos will rise just a smidgen higher at 73 stories. [R&M]
· Law & Order rapper Ice-T is allegedly serviced by two woman under a table at NA. Don't worry, one of the mouths belonged to his wife. [Lowdown]
· American Idol winner Carrie Underwood is a vegetarian, thus making this entire franchise the most boring thing on earth. [Scoop]
· Kathy Griffin slams her opthamologist Dr. Robert Maloney, claiming he botched her LASIK surgery. Griffin's colleagues — like Barry Manilow — have come to Maloney's defense. Both D-Listers are so talented, we don't know who to believe. [Page Six]
Ground Zero may be totally over, but with reelection campaigns and political careers riding on it, it won't go away. Paul Goldberger weighed in with his plans for the site in the New Yorker, calling for more apartments for corrupt Giuliani associates. But will they have the same romantic End of the Affair aura now that the rubble is no longer smoking?
Holy fucking shit on a stick: The latest word from Hades is that Paris Hilton is engaged to the only man worthy of her affections, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis. We all know that Paris can only love Paris, so a lifetime with Latsis would be the only proper conclusion to the lonely heiress' search for love. And, because Latsis is so fortunate to be as Paris as Paris herself, he's the only man who can hold her attention for longer than the initial moment of penetration. Thus their love is meant to be.
Lest you misconstrue the above image, allow us to clarify: Social caterpillar Fabian Basabe is merely enjoying the company of three chiseled men, all of whom just happen to be wearing body paint and love words like "pump." Nothing more, nothing less.
Oh my: It seems that Christian Slater has yet to go blind from his love of recreational Cialis, as the actor was arrested last night on charges of third-degree sexual abuse. Slater allegedy "groped" a woman's buttocks on 93rd and 3rd Avenue around 1:50 AM last night; the woman then reported the incident to the police. Shortly thereafter, the authorities found Slater near the scene of the crime and the victim ID'd Slater as the man behind the bad touch. Slater maintains his innocence, but was (admirably) piss drunk at the time of his arrest. No word on whether or not the buttocks in question were tight or hot.
There's only one memorial fit for our nation's fallen, and it's called the Star Room. Or Cain at Cabana. Or is it Tavern? We have no clue, but we're certain that you do. After enduring the Mad Max-esque return to the island — complete with looting and rioting on the LIRR — surely you're eager to report back to your Manhattan-shackled friends. Tell us your tales of lounging about Calvin Klein's spread in nothing but a palm frond; grace our inbox with a play-by-play of Brazilian supermodels dining on Olsen bones. As you ease into the first stages of workday recovery, we want you to know we're here for you. So send your Hamptons gossip and/or thought-provoking observations to tips@gawker.com, and we promise to be good listeners.
Friday:
· It's the last day to participate in Shop 4 Class, where a portion of your spending will go to New York City public schools. Participating vendors include Bergdorf Goodman, and ABC Carpet & Home. It s a great excuse to blow your weekend drug money, so do it for the children. [NYCVisit]
· Dave Longstreth of the Dirty Projectors will be bringing his confusing, ambitious music/projecting to Pianos. Something about about a cello octet, animation, and Aztecs — it's so crazy, it just might work. [Pianos]
Saturday
· The Style Sessions skateboarding/photography competition goes down on Saturday at Snake Hill, Dogfight and Cloisters Enjoy the shameless promotion for Lords of Dogtown and hot boys with bandaged knees. [freshpaved]
· Instead of seeing Star Wars again (you nerd), spend the same $10 on seeing Night Nurse at the MoMA, starring Barbara Stanwick. Word on the street is that there are some pretty racy scenes here, which should beat looking at Chewbacca any day. [flavorpill]
Sunday
· If you haven't seen the Basquiat exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum, you've got one week left. Leo and Giselle have been, like, 500 times. They're so much better than you. [Brooklyn Museum]
Monday
· Celebrate Memorial Day by checking out some hot sailor ass at the USS Intrepid s Fleet Week flag-raising festivities. Or just celebrate by eating brunch and not going to the post office. [Intrepid Museum]
We're starting to suspect that pitting the Today Show's Katie Couric against Good Morning America's Diane Sawyer is the new Terri Schiavo — and, if we're lucky, the phrase "morning ratings war" will replace "the war on terror." Next week's edition of New York takes a step in that direction, with an interesting little take-down of the perkiest cheerleader this side of Rockefeller Center:
In an explicable fit of service journalism, we'd like to take a minute to discuss the always pertinent issue of ass-kicking. More specifically, we'd like you to see this inspiring video, in which a woman fights off a purse-snatcher (who, as a result, might never walk again). It is, in a word, awesome.
Today's Page Six once again tries its veiny hand at local politics, running an awkwardly-placed item suggesting that Daily News columnist Errol Louis has a bone to pick with mayoral candidate Gifford Miller because, Page Six claims, Louis was passed over for a job on Miller's staff. The Politicker called Louis for comment:
· At Benny's BBQ on 3rd Ave., Christian Slater tries to score some drugs — the erectile dysfunction treatment Cialis, to be more precise. We never really believed he was hooking up with Lohan, anyhow. [Page Six]
· Following the prestigious lead of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Jessica Simpson isn't too keen on doing any Dukes of Hazzard publicity with co-star Johnny Knoxville for fear of feeding the rumor mill. Too late, sister. [R&M]
· Lloyd Grove gives PR phoenix Leslee Dart an incredibly tardy — yet utterly luxurious — handjob. [Lloyd Grove]
We love Gawker Stalker, you love Gawker Stalker, everyone loves Gawker Stalker. (Or, at least, quietly ignores it.) We're just one big, happy, celebrity-obsessed family 'round here, and it's sick and heartwarming and wonderful. BUT — and this is a big but — every time we run the feature, we seem to get emails like the following:
We love you readers who email us your tips, links, and remarkably deep-digging Mary-Kate Olsen investigative reporting, but sometimes, well, we worry:
Hi, I'm special Gawker guest-contributor Burt Reynolds. I tried to get in on that Huffington Post, but I slapped Norman Mailer and now Arianna won't return my calls. Shit, this is the next best thing, right? Anyway, I'm here to tell you who's hot, who's not, and why he or she should be bitch-slapped by me, Burt Reynolds.
