The weather may be crap and your spa might be closed, but at least we have Paris Hilton to keep us busy during this otherwise boring three-day weekend. A reader, having spent a few too many hours scrutinizing Paris' hacked address book, writes:
Gawker exclusive: Hilary Duff has defiled the ironically disastrous alcoves normally reserved for downtown New York's finest assymetrical haircuts! In what can only be described as a painful fit of post-punk partying, Miss Liquid Ice spent Friday night asserting her hipster cred and spacing out to Joy Division at East Village inferno Lit. This only prepared her for Saturday night, where she graced the weekly Misshapes party with her DJ skills. (She played a lot of Smiths, we hear, and we bet she made friends with Queen Leigh Lezark. But did she use the bathrooms? That's the real question.) So, um, what the fuck? How could bubbly clean Duff invade these smoke-filled, drug-oozing dens of indie sin? And, more importantly, what will Disney think?
Remembering the better times.
· When he's not busy harassing his ex-wife and starlet daughter to participate in his planned reality show, Michael Lohan is busy getting crashing his car and getting arrested for a DWI. Being a stage dad is such hard work, no? [R&M & AP]
· After suffering partial hearing loss and lung damage due to office construction work, former Talk staffer Elizabeth Schaper is suing the management firm and construction company responsible for the defunct mag's Chelsea office. Those companies, in turn, are suing Miramax — which means Harvey Weinstein, Tina Brown, and Ron Galotti will be testifying. The E! reenactment for this thing is going to be so awesome. [Page Six]
· Hey, did you hear about how someone hacked Paris Hilton's Sidekick? [Fox 411]
· Tara Subkoff, apparently unable to tolerate Wes Anderson's fondness for mock turtlenecks, has left the director after 2 years of artsy love. She's reportedly moved on to actor Liev Schriber. [ELK (2nd item)]
· Ben Widdicombe throws a jab at Page Six; could the Daily News be itching for another round of classic fighting? [Gatecrasher]
· Hollywood super Gew David Geffen unloads his rage on Michael Eisner and John Kerry during a Q&A at the 92nd Street Y. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
As the world reels from the shock and empathetic pain we feel for hacking victim Paris Hilton, Gawker is forced to look for answers. We've realized that this is not the first time Paris Hilton has fallen prey to the cruelty of others. From a profile written in 2003:
Perusing the notebook from Paris Hilton's Sidekick, we wondered: How to best introduce this, the most profound work of the modern era? Can mere words possibly do justice to its raw brilliance? Who are we to dare characterize the intimate inner-workings of the mind of a genius? We can't; her words speak for themselves. A mere sampling of Paris' notes demonstrates her intellectual mastery and tireless work ethic [everything from here on out is a giant sic]:
But really, we just couldn t help ourselves. After all, we d do just about anything for the chance to call Ashley Olsen (number unavailable when we called earlier today), Ashlee Simpson (number unavailable), or Andy Roddick (number unavailable). If you told us that a simple hack was all we had to do to hear Bijou Phillips Eye of the Tiger-esque ringback and charming voicemail message (Hey, I can t get to the fucking phone ), well, we would have done this AGES ago. While we spent most of the wee morning hours chatting with the likes of Brendan Davis, it's too late for the rest of you. At this point, even Fred Durst s phone is going straight to voicemail — and if Fred Durst ain t answering, ain t nobody answering. Frankly, we're kinda impressed that all the residents of Famousville got out of bed on a Sunday to change their numbers.
· If celebrities have patented "looks," Star Jones' has a bobble-head one that says, "My tiny neck can barely support this giant balloon." [cityrag]
· Okay, who isn't gay at this point? [Defamer]
· Oh: Ronald McDonald isn't gay. [Timmy Ray]
· What if there was not one but several Deep Throats? You pervs couldn't handle it. [TVNewser]
· Eating naked: not just for your fat neighbor anymore. [Reuters]
There's some big news a-brewin' in Famousville. Can you match the tabloidian celebrity to correct deep, dark secret? Guess the correct answer and watch the earth shift on its axis!
Friday:
· Insert "I'm Rick James, Bitch!" joke here: Charlie Murphy, Donnell Rawlings, and the rest of the Chapelle's Show crew (minus Dave himself) kick off a three night stint at Caroline's. [Caroline's]
· Multi-lingual electro trop-rockers Brazilian Girls aren't Brazilian, and only 1/4 of the band is actually female. Oh, those crazy kids and their ironic band names! Art For Progress hosts a record listening party for them at Mundial tonight. [AFP]
Saturday:
· Got nothing to do today? As in, really got absolutely nothing to do today? Head on over to the Directors Guild of America Theater for DocuDay. For $55, you can watch every single documentary nominated for an Academy Award this year. Screenings start at 9am and end a million years later. [flavorpill]
· The lady who killed the Beatles (Yoko) performs a benefit concert with the boy almost killed by Bijou (Sean) to save the club almost killed by rising rent and faulty pipe lines (Tonic). [Tonic]
Sunday:
· Newest post-punk "It" band Bloc Party attempt to make the trannies dance at Motherfucker's President's Day Freak Out. The free Red Bull and vodka between 10-11 shouldn't hurt. [Roxy]
Look who we found on the corner of Houston and Crosby, in the high-end (har har) shopping district that was once Soho: The Shocker!
From today's LAT:
Say what you will about Valentine's Day, but we still think it's the most romantic day of the year. When else can you receive a the sort of tender presents that touch you all the way down to your tingly parts? In an open letter to his Valentine, Blooger Boozhy talks about the gifts that keep on giving:
If Hillary's lost the Gay Mafia this early in the game, she's really got no chance. She's already got the butch haircut and has lost interest in her husband. What else does she need to do to appease you, Geffen? You know, besides grow a penis...
Details looks at the ironic slogan T-shirt, a trend that probably should have ended around the time of Britney Spears' first marriage. And yet people are still walking around with shirts that say "Everyone Loves a Jewish Girl" (preferably worn by an African American male), or "I'm a Virgin (But this Shirt is Old)" (preferably crumpled on the floor of some dude's SUV limo by Paris Hilton).
Things of subtle interest, no. 472:
