There's a new badass in town, and his name is iknowmore. Right now, the mysterious Valleywag commenter is delivering a major beatdown to me in my recent post about the Red Herring. I could just ban the account, but given iknowmore's insights into Yahoo, I'm inclined to keep him around and just take his criticisms like a man. Anyone have any guesses on who this mysterious, acidic, but insightful person is? Or, like Fake Steve Jobs, would you prefer that he remain anonymous?

As you can imagine, most of the executions we wanted to carry out this week concerned people who sent us e-mail. Since that is sadly impossible (and, you know, illegal) we had to sate our bloodlust with the collection of commenters you'll find below. Thanks for stopping by, folks, we hope to see you again real soon.

We've got the Grindhouse fever and there's only one known cure, short of actually seeing Grindhouse: execute the bejesus out of a boatload of commenters. Block 'em all and let God sort 'em out. Let's do it.

You've actually been a fairly well-behaved—even entertaining and sometimes enlightening!—bunch this week. It's a shame to see any of you go. But upon us all the axe must fall, and this week we say goodbye to five members of the commenting community. Did you make the cut?

Quite a week for purging. Apart from the real-time executions of soldierboyadam and Simba Marimba (guess what they had in common?), we've got a slate of condemned commenters on their way to the gallows as we speak. Tie a napkin around your neck and see if you're about to have your last meal.

As part of our commenting initiatives, we periodically reiterate for novice and senile readers how our glorious commenting system works. "How," some of you have asked, "can I become a member of exclusive, rarefied star chamber known as the Gawker commenting community?" We're glad you're interested in joining the snobby set! For the most general of generalized guidance, begin with the Gawker Comments FAQ.

Hey, did you hear something? Yeah, you're right, probably just the wind. Oh, no, wait, it's COMMENTER EXECUTIONS! We've chosen to do things a little differently this week, with a group cull. Are you part of the group? The answer is after the jump.

We're in a surly mood this week at Gawker; surly and curt. After the jump we determine who lives and who dies, giving impossibly brief rationales for our executions. Yours, though, is not to reason why, yours is merely to comment and then face our wrath. The newly departed lie in state below.

What's that sound? Oh, it's a bell! And it's tolling for... these:

Each week, a handful of reader comments are selected for inclusion and veneration in the Gold Star Motel. Standards of excellence are arbitrary, fluid, and contradictory. The reward is strictly honorary (at best). This week:

Without further ado, here comes the axe!

^{Each week, a handful of reader comments are selected for inclusion and veneration in the Gold Star Motel. Standards of excellence are arbitrary, fluid, and contradictory. The reward is strictly honorary (at best). This week:}

Sure, we made a little impish fun of VCer Guy Kawasaki's "Golden Touch" in our post about the demise of Filmloop. Apparently this moved Kawasaki to remark disapprovingly on Valleywag's fascist comments policy. What hurts is that Valleywag's name is cut from his post, referred to merely as "a blog." A blog! (Amusingly, many comments on Kawasaki's own post devolved into carping about his site's comment system displaying their email addresses.) Anyway, Guy, we sent you a comment invite, so let's hang out and stuff.

A flotilla of commenting problems — login issues, long delays from posting, and scrambled comment totals on the frontpage — appear to have been resolved. If you're still having trouble, send a description of your problem, OS (and version), and browser (and version) to tips@valleywag.com.

Each week, a handful of reader comments are selected for inclusion and veneration in the Gold Star Motel. Standards of excellence are arbitrary, fluid, and contradictory. The reward is strictly honorary (at best). This week:

Re:Win a Valentine's Day White Castle Date with The Assimilated Negro!:
• ADM:
"that particular white castle is not that edgy. i don't even think they have a buzzer for the bathroom."
Re: Meet Your New Friend Flip:
• ediebeale:
"I just got molested in my mouth by Doctor72 a little."

Since this is one of those perennial questions, let's explore the convoluted mechanisms by which you can add your own insightful, typo-free comment to any Valleywag post. Begin your education with the Valleywag Comments FAQ. In a nutshell, most commenters are sent personal invites by Valleywag. Said invites allow comment access throughout Valleywag, and throughout all Gawker Media sites in fact. However, you don't have to possess an invitation to comment — auditions for new commenters are perpetually ongoing. More explanation of this mysterious alternate path, after the jump.

Thought we forgot, huh? Nope, it's Whacking Day! Say goodbye (for now) to:

That's it! Back in your cages, you lot. The free comment amnesty is now officially closed. Further requests for invites will be ignored. For those who sent in your comment invite request, what follows is the sum total of our tech support response: (1) If you haven't received your invite by tomorrow, check your spam filters. (2) If you have an invite but can't seem to log in properly, check to make sure your web browser has cookies enabled. If none of these things work, you might try reflecting on why God hates you so much.

As warned, the gate is now open to free, clear, no-questions-asked comment access. Just drop a line to freewag@gmail.com between noon and 2 p.m. Pacific, and you will (soon enough) receive a comment invite back to whatever email address you sent from. You can even use your shiny new invite to go talk trash on the other Gawker Media sites, if you're so inclined. Though of course it would be nice if you'd join the cerebral discussions on these premises. Dance with them what brung you, as they say.

In an attempt to inflate the level of commenting discourse to even more enlightened heights, we'll be opening the prison door on comment invites for a brief period later today. From noon to 2 p.m. Pacific time, simply send an email to freewag@gmail.com and request an invitation for comment access. Note that these comment invites work on all Gawker Media sites. All comers will be accepted, but the invites will only go to the address you're emailing from. Requests sent before or after the time window will be ignored, albeit sweetly.