Good news from today's Wall Street Journal: "The lowest-priced single-family home on the market in Aspen is listed for $559,000. It's located in a trailer park." The median single-family dwelling in Aspen costs $4.6 million. That's a higher price than the median single-family home in any other city in the nation.
NASA's hot new Glory satellite was supposed to reach orbit today, where it would begin a three-year mission to study airborne particles and their effect on the Earth's climate. Oh, but the Glory's ride into space inside a Taurus XL rocket failed about 15 minutes after launch. So much for that half-billion dollars!
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was called the "George Steinbrenner of Iran" in a leaked 2009 U.S. diplomatic cable made public by Wikileaks, after he fired two soccer coaches from Team Melli weeks apart from each other. Ahmadinejad also kept secret files on the team's players, similar to when Steinbrenner payed a gambler to dig up dirt on Yankees outfielder Dave Winfield.
A bill that's been introduced in the Texas state legislature would finally, at long last, put an end to illegal aliens taking American jobs. If any of you Texans think you can get away with hiring an "unauthorized alien" on the cheap, this bill would make that punishable by up to two years in prison and a $10,000 fine. Is that clear enough? No hiring of illegals! Although there is one small loophole in the bill: "Unauthorized alien" domestic workers, like maids, caretakers, lawnboys, and so on, would still be totally legal to hire.
It's all happening, people. Newt Gingrich, a politician from the 1990s, is officially running for president! No wait, he's just forming an official presidential exploratory committee! No wait, he's just officially "exploring" a presidential bid! Yes, that last one. That's what Newt Gingrich announced he is doing today.
The labor standoff in Wisconsin over Gov. Scott Walker's proposal to eliminate public workers' collective bargaining rights just took an exciting new turn. The state's Senate Republicans voted unanimously a short while ago ordering Senate Democrats to return from their out-of-state hiding spots to Madison by 4:00 p.m.
Apparently during Sunday night's ungodly awful Oscars telecast, co-presenters (and apparent ice cream salesmen) Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin did a little dance and kissed each other before they walked up to the mic. Great fun, right? Best thing in a bleak night! Except, we didn't get to see it because the producers instead cut to Bardem's wife Penelope Cruz. Boo!
Do you like food? Ohhh, shoot. Sorry. I was hoping you'd say no! Because food prices are, like, crazy right now.
Would-be presidential frontrunner Mike Huckabee humiliated himself a few days ago with his bizarre "Barack Obama's childhood in Kenya during the Mau Mau Revolution made him hate America" radio performance. But instead of simply hanging his head in shame for a little while after that, he doubled down on his fictional dog-whistle psychoanalysis of the president during another ugly interview with one of the most insane people in American politics. What a show! What a... show.
Jews, who have not had a great week, will be heartened to learn that at least someone thinks they're okay: The Pope! Yes, Benedict has let Jews off the hook for the whole "Jesus' death" thing (you know, the thing where for centuries the Catholic church held Jews collectively responsible for the death of Christ, inspiring countless acts of violence, bigotry and discrimination?) in his new book:
It's been a little while since we last checked in on the good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, but he's suddenly become the most popular Republican in the country! And all it took was a few choreographed YouTubes of him screaming at teachers' unions, with his sleeves rolled up (crucially). So why won't he run for president already? Republican operatives, who hate all of the other candidates, demand it.
Elections really do have consequences, just like people keep saying! Take the suddenly super-Republican empire that is Ohio. What would a hypothetical Democratic leadership be doing in that statehouse right now? Probably hiding under their desks, looking for welfare money. Which is much better than what the current real life Republican leadership is doing today: Giving two ladies ultrasounds during a hearing over an anti-abortion bill.
Fox News' Bret Baier told viewers late this morning that the network has suspended its "contributor arrangements" with Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum for 60 days while they decide on their possible presidential bids. It's just "Fox policy," and the "suspensions will be lifted on May 1 if they notify the network by then that they are not planning to run."
