Frankly, the problem with the screening room at Soho House is that it's just so done, don't you think? Really, how many times can we enjoy a viewing of The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover in a luxurious, private club? It's become so pedestrian.
• Uzbekistan is one of two DOUBLY land-locked countries in the world (the other being Liechtenstein. We'll give you a cookie if you can point out either on a map). Impress some authentic Uzbek musicians with your new-found knowledge of their home country at Tonic tonight, where they play with downtown collective Bang on a Can All Stars. [flavorpill]
• If you're pissed about the imminent New York City housing crash (when's that supposed to happen again?), or about the fact that you work 60 hours a week and can only afford a cockroach-infested 4th floor walk-up, here's your chance to vent: Ruth Indyk Lubick, vice president of Douglas Elliman, participates in a question and answer session tonight at Makor. Befitting of the real estate industry, you're getting royally screwed before you even do anything: it'll cost you 30 bucks just to get in the door. [TONY]
• Gameshow host, author, and self-claimed CIA spook Chuck Barris appears at Coliseum Books tonight to read from his first novel You and Me, Babe. Wear a trenchcoat and see if he gets uncomfortable. [Coliseum]
• The producers of This Isn't Working throw a benefit party to raise money for their show, which appears at the NY International Fringe Festival. Bonus: it's at Siberia, so you can become a friend of a "Siberian" and gain access to Tracy Westmoreland's "secret" bar, The Cell. If hanging out in Hell's Kitchen actually constitutes as a bonus. [flavorpill]
• Real activism is hard — icky people and ickier causes. If you participate in the latest effort to save CBGB's, you'll at least get to see Ted Leo and the Pharmacists tonight. That's tolerable. [CBGB]
• Paging all lonely, early 90's indie rock nerds: Liz Phair performs at Joe's Pub tonight. Fresh masturbatory material awaits you! [Joe's Pub]
In Sunday's front page Styles article about not-so-secret secret bar beneath La Esquina, the Times inadvertantly answers an age-old question: Who is responsible for the Ronsons, those omnipresent DJ-designer-scenester siblings Mark, Charlotte, Samantha? We always assumed that RonsonBots were harvested in the back room of a meth lab, but one actually needn't look further than British "rock and roll socialite" (via her marriage to Foreigner's Mick Jones) Ann Dexter-Jones. We feel stupid for not having realized this before:
Friday:
• Comedians Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Maria Bamford, and Zach Galifianakis come to Irving Plaza tonight to make you laugh as part of their "Comedians of Comedy" show. If you prefer to watch comedians you've actually heard of, go see potty-humor doc The Aristocrats. [flavorpill & Fandango]
• Jonathan and Mrs. Ames (his mother, not his wife) read from their respective works (he from Wake Up, Sir!; she some poetry) at the Astor Place Barnes and Noble at 7pm. Good thing he omitted the story about masturbating in front of his mom from this book. [Paper]
Saturday:
• Free shows abound, cheapy! Punk rock progenitors MC5 headline a 3pm show at SummerStage; Oneida, Oxford Collapse, Tall Firs, and the Extra Action Marching Band (35 members plus a flag team!) follow up at the East River Amphitheater at 7:30pm. Either/or, you'll be drunk and sweaty. [flavorpill]
• Feel like you saved too much money checking out free shit today? Head on over to Caroline's on Broadway to see Pauly Shore perform. $32 plus a 2 drink minimum. Joke's on you. [Caroline's]
Sunday:
• Why do you need us to tell you what to do? Go outside, have a long drunken brunch, and fall asleep in the needle-strewn park of your choice.
• At the after-party for the premiere of Broken Flowers, star Bill Murray jumped over a table and chased down an Interview photographer for taking his picture. Sadly, the party was sponsored by that very magazine, but you try telling that to a crazy man. [R&M]
• Apparently, Murray's mood was not aided by Mercedes, which sent out luxury cars to chauffeur certain luminaries to the event. While Bill Murray and Jim Jarmusch were carted about in a Maybach 62, poor Sofia Coppola and Taye Diggs were forced to ride in a ghetto Mercedes R-class. Bill Murray hates this sort of injustice, we're sure. [Page Six]
• Johnny Knoxville stays true to form, kicking the ass of some striped button-down wearing frat boy who wouldn't leave Kate Moss alone at a Soho bar. Such a gent, defending the honor of his former mistress. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• OMG, Roger Friedman is still writing about Michael Jackson. The mind boggles. [Fox411]
• Antony and his/her Johnsons play at Town Hall tonight with Cocorosie. Joint transgender/sibling fun for all parties involved. [Upcoming]
• Q-Tip and Mark Ronson devote their time and services to the opening of a tutorial center by day, DJ/performance space by night in Chinatown. Let the 826NYC vs. The Yet-to-Be-Named Chinatown do-gooder venue pissing contest begin! [flavorpill]
• Members of the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre present "Found on Craiglist," a sketch comedy show based on the Rants, Raves, and Missed Connections of everyone's favorite online community. Though the amont of improvising required to make that shit humorous seems to be pretty neglible. [UCB]
• We're certainly going to regret even mentioning this, but if you're smart enough to figure out where the pasty souls of Gawker Media are convening to tackle the Midwestern twats of The Onion for tonight's Softball Match of Destruction, you're welcome to come and dump Gatorade on Denton's glistening head. First one to die of heatstroke loses! [Oddjack]
• Channel your inner street kid and head on over to Williamsburg's Galapagos, which screens Piece by Piece, an investigation into the San Francisco graffiti scene. Afterwards, talk disparagingly of the Time graffiti billboard and how it's the death of a medium or something. [flavorpill]
• Are you bored and/or completely ignorant as to how this whole internet-thang works? We mean, really bored and completely ignorant? Then head on over to Makor for "The Revenge of Online Media," in which Elizabeth Spiers* (Mediabistro), Anthony Perry (Blogads), Bill Grueskin (WSJ Online), and Bryan Keefer (Columbia Journalism Review Daily) talk shop. They didn't base the title of this event on Revenge of the Nerds for nothing. [92Y]
• It's hot as hell outside. It was also hot as hell outside in Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing, which plays at Anthology Film Archives tonight at 7:30pm. Let's keep racial insults to a minimum, please. [AFA]
We admit we were just a touch skeptical about the alleged New York mag assistant editor who was refused admission to a Meatpacking hotspot. It's tough to imagine a magazine person who'd pull that move in person — telling the bouncer, "You're denying entrance to an assistant editor for New York magazine?" If it were us, we'd call in advance and try to pull media cred to get a reservation, because the risk of refusal at the door is too high — and would be too public.
• Tonight, at the Knitting Factory... Gravy Train!!!! (Note: exclamation points are part of the band's name, not indicative of our enthusiasm for their performance. Though we are indeed excited that they bring their perverted selves to Knitting Factory tonight, but we will try to maintain neutrality.) [flavorpill]
• Are you sick of Chuck Klosterman yet? No? Head to the Borders at the Time Warner Center at 7pm to hear him read from his new book, and you will be. [TONY]
• Makor's got it goin on tonight: Indian vixen Suphala plays the tabla in one room; Sundance hit The Education of Shelby Knox, about a 15 year old's campaign for sex education at her Texan high school, screens in another. [92nd Y]
Outside of a certain Meatpacking District "hotspot" this past Saturday night, a Gawker spy witnessed the following exchange between a tall, 30-ish brunette and the venue's iron-fisted doorman:
Friday:
• The 7th Annual Del Close Improv Marathon, in which a multitude of improv groups perform for 58 straight hours on three separate stages at the UCB and Abingdon Theaters. [flavorpill]
• There was a Scottish indie scene long before Franz Ferdinand came bouncing into metrosexual hotness; brush up on your folklore with Teenage Fanclub at the Bowery. Wistful 30-somethings are almost guaranteed entry. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
• 24 Hours of Mass Construction, in which a series of 10-minute plays are conceived, written, rehearsed, and performed all in the course of a single day. Go on and support your cracked-out on stage brethren. [ToMD]
• Do you need some new clothes that are actually old clothes in disguise? You're in luck: the Emg. Vintage Sale comes to the Tribeca Grand Hotel today between 2 and 6pm. Chanel and Miu Miu and Dior, oh my! [Paper]
Sunday:
• Acoustic band Alarm Will Sound tackles the work of techno-elite Aphex Twin with strings, voices, woodwinds and percussion for their Unremixed performance. It's at the Lincoln Center, though, so leave the mushrooms at home. [LC]
First Thrillist, then Daily Candy, and now new foodie blog Eater are all fluttering about the secret-but-not-really opening of speakeasy La Esquina, located beneath the Corner Deli at Kenmare and Lafayette. Entry into the bar has a semi-complicated, three-step procedure in which one must enter the Corner Deli and enter the "Employees Only" door, go downstairs and get a "secret" phone number from the hostess, then leave the venue and call said number to secure reservations. Tale of Two Cities, however, thinks there's a crucial fourth step being overlooked:
• How to solve many of clubland's problems: The Guid-o-meter, patent pending. [Clubland]
• The L calls Chuck Klosterman's new book " a dismal, shoddy piece of work." Which, given their standards, might be a compliment. [The L]
• Seth Mnookin changes subtitle, appends corrections, and adds an afterword by the author in forthcoming paperback version of Hard News. But where will he put corrections to the afterword? [E&P]
• Bonnie Fuller's memoir finally has a pubdate (April 11, 2006) and an official title, "The Joys of Much Too Much: Go For the Big Life — The Great Career, The Perfect Guy and Everything Else You Ever Wanted (Even If You're Afraid You Don t Have What It Takes." At 33 words, that title would be feature story in her last few magazines. [WWD (second item)]
• Socal burger joint Fatburger invades the tristate area. We'll stick with the Corner Bistro, at least until In 'N' Out gets here. [Bergen Record]
• The Kaiser Chiefs' show at Webster Hall is sold out, but we're sure you can scalp your way indoors with the rest of the sweaty masses. Should be interesting, seeing as it's clearly too hot for any of the hipsters to wear their skin tight jeans. [Webster Hall]
• Tonight's the first night of the Rural Route Film Festival at Anthology Film Archives. Check out cinematic shorts inspired by Bonnie "Prince" Billy, Joanna Newsome, and Bright Eyes. Yes, Bright Eyes. Time to go Safran Foer hunting! [flavorpill]
• Chuck Klosterman, the only author your stoner roommate seems to know of, reads from his latest tome, Killing Yourself to Live, tonight at Rand McNally. If you're lucky, he might sign your Saved by the Bell t-shirt. [TONY]
Great news, everyone: Newsday's do-it-yourself entertainment section, Impulse!, has a sparkly new batch of writers ready to bridge and tunnel their way in from Great Neck and cover NYC's newest hotspots. On the matter of Spring Street's Green Room venue, John Cucci (above left and, interestingly, of Manhattan) can't quite decide whether the venue is a lounge or a club — an important distinction necessary for anyone to actually enjoy themselves. Dave Aakus (above center, also of Manhattan — are these guys writing for Newsday for Ma's sake?) is a fan of Brooklyn's Savalas bar, which is "vibrantly laden for the energized ones." You know what he means, right? And, on matters of the mighty inconspicuous East Side Company bar, Caroline Fallon (above right) grades the joint a solid B, perhaps because it's "a little out of the way" from her home in Breezy Point. We completely agree.
• Gus Van Sant's Cobain-inspired Last Days, featuring the typically disheveled Michael Pitt as the typically disheveled Kurt Cobain-type, screens at MoMA tonight. The show starts at 9:00pm, giving you plenty of time to get your smacked-up, flannel shirt-wearing self over there. [flavorpill]
• Clap Your Hands Say Yeah parlay their recent Pitchfork/blogger adulation into a sold-out gig at Southpaw. Like you were gonna go to Brooklyn, anyway. [SP]
• And the event all you masochistic wannabe dot-com entrepaneurs have been waiting for: Mediabistro.com CEO Laurel Touby appears at Makor to describe how she turned a monthly gathering of alcoholic editors and writers into a legitimate business. Hint: It probably wasn't the with the feather boa. [92Y]
• Sadly, the thought of do-anything writer A.J. Jacobs' penning something entitled The Ark Project: How many pairs of animals can I fill my house with before my wife divorces me? isn't too far-fetched. [Zulkey]
• No hand-eye coordination? You're so, so gay. [Salon]
• TV news seems to think the internet may save them. Also, it's Opposite Day! [WSJ]
• You know what we need? Another cheesy, thematic nightclub. Something like Roulette sounds like a good start. [Joonblog]
• Another 7-11 plans an UES invasion. Time for last rites of the cheap-ass bodega. [Jossip]
