So you're a Woody Allen fan. A big Woody Allen fan, even. And though his last handful of movies have sucked so much you still haven't been able to bring yourself too see Melinda & Melinda, and you've blocked nearly all memory of Anything Else, you still love the early, deep comedies, and the '80s dramas, and the late-'90s light comedies. And he was so, so good on the Oscars — his first one ever! — after September 11. And, because of all that genius, you're willing to look past a lot of his mishegas.

• Breaking! Lloyd Grove not a fucking idiot so much as we might have thought! Writes Daily News slave Karin Henry, "To be fair to Lloyd, today s fucking idiocy can be laid at my feet. My brain said 'Walk the Line,' but my fingers said 'Ring of Fire.' Call it a brain fart, mental hemorrhoid or the ass-related metaphor of your choice. If Lloyd can take it like a man, so can I. Even though I m not."
• Hey, what's former Boldface Names gal, our auntie Joyce Wadler, been up to? We mean, besides sticking Candy Corns up her nose... [NYT]
• Best Post headline since, well, yesteday: "Mazel Toughs." Related: Why didn't the Warriors feature a Hasidic gang? [NYP]
• Sex machines. Literally. [Nerve]
• iPods are kinda like Rosa Parks, except white? No, seriously, we don't know what Apple was trying to do here, but it ain't working. [Apple]
• If you're so self-loathing as to sleep with someone named "Scooter," you're probably pathetic enough to stay with him through any forthcoming indictments. [Radar]
• Meghan O'Rourke fights for your right to get intellectually and physically laid. [Slate]

• Daily News publisher and editorial director Martin Dunn calls employee Lloyd Grove a "fucking idiot" with a "stupid" column. Christ, we don't even talk like that! Grove, however, bends over and takes the abuse — and probably likes it. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Lloyd doesn't help his case by calling the upcoming Johnny Cash biopic Ring of Fire when it's actually Walk the Line. Alas, the harsh permanence of print journalism. [Lowdown]
• Newsflash: Celebs carry guns and probably want to shoot you! [Page Six]
• Should Janet Jackson be more upset about a video of her sunbathing semi-nude that's currently circulating the interweb, or would it be the secret teenage daughter that's really bugging her? [Scoop]
• Actor Omar Sharif gets wasted, mercilessly beats valet. In Shariff's defense, the valet was Mexican. [R&M]

We're just sorry it had to be over something like this.

The transit authority yesterday announced a little Christmas present: weekend fare discounts between Thanksgiving and New Year's. How'd it go over? We have no idea.

From Tricia Romano's Fly Life column in the Village Voice:

FishbowlNY makes a great point: Leaky Times reporter Judith Miller and the Daily News' very-Christian headline writer Dawn Eden have a lot in common: They're both on some sort of hiatus (Eden from her blog, anyhow), they're both working on books (Dawn's writing some "don't have sex" thing, and Judy's making bank on her rumored deal), and they both threw their own shit at the office fan (Eden left the Post after her editing skills got a bit too pro-Jesus, and Miller, well, you know). Plus, we'd like to add, they both do what they're told without skepticism or question (Miller by the government, Eden by G-d).

We would have noted this at the start of the month, but some of us were out of the country and woefully, blissfully far away from any access to Movable Type:

More intrepid journalism from the Daily News:

Attention prospective gentleman callers on Ms. Lauren Green: Contrary to popular belief, the Fox & Friends anchor ain't a lez. What a shame, too, because when lilywhite FOX correspondent James Rosen gushingly tried to play matchmaker with Green and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, we saw UPN midseason replacement written all over that thing. Alas, not all urbane, black conservative women are chowing one another's boxes:

The Post reports:

The New York Daily News discovers cut, paste.

Pop quiz, class: Which publication is positively giddy about scoring a new edition of Photoshop?

Remember yesterday when the Observer said Lloyd Grove was not much longer for the Daily News? The pink paper said that Grove had a contract for two years, rather than the three previously reported, and that his tenure "may not extend through a third year." Grove himself wasn't quoted in the piece — we've got to assume the Observer tried to reach him and he declined to talk, or at least only spoke off the record — but as of today he's on the record totally denying the item.

Say it ain't so! The Observer gossips today that Lowdown Lloyd Grove might well be out of the Daily News by the end of the month.

We're not posting this picture of Gawker Hottie and Daily News gossip-flower Ben Widdicombe to embarrass him. Rather, we want to point out what a fantastic example is being set by the Gatecrasher. Those nostrils couldn't get any cleaner if we picked 'em ourselves.

While today's Post is full of its typical subway shootings and Bloomberg-fellating, those upstarts at the telegenic Daily News are hitting them where it hurts, with a stolen-memorial story offering, per their front page, "EXCLUSIVE 9/11 OUTRAGE." Of course, the inclusivity of outrage is the reason we have two tabloids in this city, but all Murdoch's giving us today is exclusive outrage at the degrading treatment of "superstar rapper Lil' Kim." Or is it voyeuristic excitement? We can never quite tell the difference. In either case, look for the tomorrow's Post to feature at least 4 defaced or vandalized 9/11 memorials, as well as an exclusive (and outrageous) photo of Freddy Ferrer spitting on firefighters' graves.

Everyone's favorite right-wing nutjob, God-fearing blogger Dawn Eden, muses on her job as a headline writer for the Daily News:

You know what, Daily News? FUCK YOU. Seriously. We're in the middle of dark times right now — natural disasters, bumblefuck leaders, NYC in the throes of EDGY — and, to be honest, we've very little to look forward to this fall. But we're total 'tards, and so we've had one beacon of joy lately, and that's tonight's return of Fox's soap-opera-on-crack, The O.C.

We were too busy chasing the Secretary of State around Manhattan with our Super Soakers to further comment on yesterday's real news regarding Bravo's Tabloid Wars "docusoap." The six-episode show follows the competition between our beloved Daily News and Post; camera crews trailed staffers throughout August, inexplicably documenting the "tension" during the slowest month of the year.