"I was asked an unusual question and I think my answer was fine, but I don't think it was interpreted correctly," Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer told reporters this week.

Hide the porn and stop searching for "Bush is a loser" — the US government today asked Internet companies to keep records of e-mails and web searches. Not demanded — they'd need Congress's approval for that — but asked. Like, as a favor, in between the Chinese censorship and the Nazi collaboration. The Attorney General and FBI director made this request to AOL, Microsoft, Comcast, and Google (and Verizon, a known informant). Who will sell us out first? Let's guess!

Got a single-featured startup? Done pretending you have the revenue to go public? Dot-commers, forget about selling your flipmeat to the usual Web 2.0 carnivores. The classic consolidaters of the industry are back in business.

What looks so familiar about this unusually unflattering Wall Street Journal portrait of Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer?

During his ill-advised diplomatic mission to Wall Street, Steve Ballmer referred to the old "Developers! Developers! Developers!" video. But the Microsoft chief copped out of a good "Investors! Investors! Investors!" Ballmer said:

• The New Yorker publishes a followup six years in the making — the wedding of designer Jason Kottke and Blogger co-creator Meg Hourihan. [New Yorker; Photo source: Kottke]

Steve Ballmer (pictured) heads to Wall Street to reassure Microsoft shareholders, says the Seattle Times.

Microsoft made the mistake this March of offering free USB drives loaded with Windows Desktop Licensing info (best use: battling MS salespeople). In a desperate bid at getting something tangible from Microsoft, hordes of freebie chasers signed up for the drives.

As the Register's Andrew Orlowski flies back to England, it's time to check up on the other trolls of tech — the real journalists, fake journalists, and — ugh — bloggers.

Whatever resident Microsoft-maligner Chris Coulter (a Man Without a Blog) does during the day, it left him time to compile a massive list of Microsoft's current messes. One suspects he's actually counted #1 through #31,760.

Damn, those must be some pricey perks. The same weekend that Microsoft hands employees their towels back (among other benefits that Microserfs lost years ago), Ballmer laid off over 1000 contract workers for a week. Yeah, that seems like a morale-building way to cut costs.

Steve Ballmer's interview with the SF Chronicle was no sign that Microsoft wants to keep him working and public. A little look between the lines shows just what's going on — Microsoft's CEO is so out.

Quick thoughts for this morning:

Like a mattress store desperate for another sale week, we're holding Christmas in May, thanks to this reader-submitted holiday poem about Larry and Sergey coming to town (On Mayer! On Schmidtty! On Vint Cerf and Blitzen!). Eight witty stanzas after the jump — so click through that mofo.

Slipped into an otherwise boring story on Sun and Microsoft is a tale of two left feet:

Microsoft and the Department of Defense? OMG trustworthy! The software company that everyone respects and trusts signed a contract last week to work with an equally loved and trusted government agency on Microsoft Virtual Earth (like Google Earth with extra suck).

AOL gizmo blog Engadget ain't no small-town outlet, and managing editor Ryan Block don't wanna share his subjects. That's why, when Block and crew walk into an in-conference press event with Microsoft XBox exec Peter Moore (five minutes late) and see other bloggers (including tech heavyweight Chris Pirillo), Block mumbles, "Oh, this isn't an exclusive." You can hear him five minutes into this video on tech blog Gear Live.

Just so we all know what we're snarking this week, here's what the Big 3 5 7 plus or minus 2 are rolling out.

• Ballmer, Brin, and the other big boys take potshots. Google's Sergey Brin about Microsoft: "We just see the history of that company behaving anti-competitively and not playing fair." MS's Steve Ballmer about Google: "Can you imagine writing a letter to someone. 'Hey, Mom, I am upset with the gun policy.' Then an ad pops up and says, 'Hey, do you want to buy a gun?'" Yahoo's Terry Semel about Microsoft: "My impartial advice to Microsoft is that you have no chance." [ISEdb.com]

Since you loved it last time, here's what tech's top dogs did this weekend.