It's Friday! Woo-hoo! In a few hours (patience, patience) it'll be time to take this job and shove it! (For the weekend... Before returning for another soul crushing week.) Tonight, you are gonna party so hard! Don't forget to drink a few alcopops!
Well, it wasn't functioning flak jackets or fully armored Humvees, but the troops in Afghanistan (yes, Virginia, there are still troops in Afghanistan) got something special this week: Robin Williams' man boobs.
Today is comedian Bill Hicks' 43rd birthday. Too bad he's not with us to celebrate it.
As of late, both Howard Stern and our perverted brother have been obsessed with an entity known only as the Mystery Booty. For those of you who aren't chronically masturbating, the story is that pictures of a particularly attractive derriere have been surfacing on the internet, causing many lustful (and probably lonely) men to speculate on the owner of this reputedly hot ass. Some stalkers have even gone so far as to create a ficitious MySpace profile for the Mystery Booty, but her true identity still remains a mystery. Now, according to an evil website posting private emails sent to the faux MySpace profile, Hard News author Seth Mnookin is on the case for a real journalism assignment (as opposed to the rest of us). His inquiry has been posted to said website but, as we know from experience, everyone knows a Harvard man couldn't find an ass if it sat on his face.
Mystery Booty & Mystery Booty Update [Fleshbot]
Not since those fake Puma ads have we found ourselves thinking so much about what exactly is going on in an advertisement. But since we saw the above ad for Saks Fifth Avenue's "Cash Cache Event" on page A6 of The Times yesterday, we've been plagued by so many questions:
-How does the dude arc his spray like that?
-Did he miss the glass on purpose?
-Is that the proper way to hold the bottle?
-Why is everyone's mouth agape? (And since it's sort of a Christmas ad, is the other meaning of agape more appropriate?)
-Is that Rocco DiSpirito with his open-mouthed smile in the background?
-And, is there a clever Japanese word to describe what we're seeing?
I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this cat-and-mouse game:
SNL alum Jimmy Fallon almost makes sense...but not quite:
Kids. They grow up so fast and become marketing people.
God, we wish we could draw.
Does the Christmas cruelty know no end around the offices of Wenner Media? Just when US Weekly Min-ions© thought they could look forward to tonight's holiday party with fellow Wenner-ites at Irving Plaza, word is allegedly trickling down from the top of the ladder that a massive scheduling fuck-up has an issue suddenly closing on Friday. As such, execs are reportedly saying that the US serfs may not be able to enjoy their God-given right to a company sloshfest with the musical stylings of Maroon 5. And, to make matters worse, we're also hearing the employees are being held hostage with wrap sandwiches and other assorted deli delights!
Civic duty calls over at the Drudge Report! Mattypants is conducting his yearender poll of the Top Headline of 2004 (all written in Drudge-speak, of course) and we can't encourage you enough to get over there and show Matt how much you love his hed-writing skills. Amongst our personal favorites are, "LEASH GIRL, PRISON ABUSE NIGHTMARE;" "JANET FLASHES BREAST AT BOWL;" and "MEL GIBSON BREAKS INDIE RECORDS WITH CHRIST." As of right now, "BUSH WINS" is in the lead, but we don't feel that accurately captures the Drudge's semantic genius and we're sure you feel the same way. Unfortunately, there's no write-in option, or else we'd rooting for the Chastity Panties.
Drudge Report
The Observer explores the impact of gossip blogs (short for web logs, by the way) on the way print gossipers do their thing and, in the process, gets Page Six editor Richard Johnson to explain why the traditional column is still king:
The children have spoken: Their person of the year is...
We won't even get into the irony of Star magazine naming the Most Annoying People of 2004; apparently, annoying means "profitable for AMI:"
