It's fun for everyone when talented, angry writers fight!

Today's release of Paris Hilton's most eagerly anticipated film to date, the much-hyped remake of House of Wax, has the critics polishing their celebutante-eviscerating knives. Here's the obligatory bad review round-up, presented in order of increasingly "dripping" sarcasm:

Upon seeing this terrifying advertisement, several Daily News staffers clutched their chests and fell to the ground, writhing about in cardiac horror.
The jackanapes at the Post have decided to bring a specialized marketing campaign to their rival's offices on West 33rd, placing the above poster in direct view of the Daily News' windows. Not visible to oncoming traffic or from an avenue, it would seem that this charming poster is intended solely for the eyes of Daily News employees.

Don't worry; we haven't forgotten Operation Greatest American Magazine Launch. (Some of us keep our announced launch skeds, not that we're raising our eyebrow at anyone in particular.) And speaking of schedules, let's take a look back at the major milestones on the road to Radar. What a long, strange trip it's been:

If you're reading Gawker from the futureand why wouldn't you be?we'd like to direct your attention to today's Times. Apparently, reports the paper of record, some kids at MIT are organizing the first-ever time traveler's convention for tomorrow. Indeed, it may well be not just the first such confab but in fact the only one, because, as they point out, time travelers from the future can easily stop by this shindig whenever they want. But we suspect they won't be staying long, as the party is non-alcoholic. Even worse: Is the organizer dude planning to wear that shirt? All the cool future kids will be laughing at us 2005ers, and being ridiculed till we cry is something we're trying to leave in the past. JO

The new Folio: is out (yup, it still exists), and it reports that Reader's Digest (yup, it still exists) will soon be hitting its 1,000th issue.

Thus this item, where the fun is in the URL:

Karl Lagerfeld not-so-secretly realizes that Bonnie Fuller and Tommy Hilfiger are the most unfabulous fatties to ever stand in his presence.

· Press release promises brand-new website for The Nation today; by 5:30 p.m., nothing new shows up on site. Of course, to paraphrase Will Rogers, if they wanted to be organized, they'd be Republicans. [TheNation.com]
· PW spends 700-odd words on what not to wear at Book Expo. We'll make it easy: Cords, horn-rims, blazer, and you're golden. [Publishers Weekly]
· The New York Times starts, ever so gently, to coax some design changes into its website. Just relax, the paper tells its site, we know you'll like it. [E&P]
· NYDN EIC Michael Cooke, contrary to suggestion, does not have a shoe fetish. "Of course not," gloats the Post's Col Allan. "Now Dunleavy, there's a man with a real shoe fetish." [Chicago Reader]
· Denton's secret plans are finally revealed! He'll buy the Times Co. in 2010. Obviously. [Boston Globe] JO

In chronological order, from past to present:

Mike Hammer, who took over the top slot at Stuff magazine after the too-laddie Greg Gutfield was promoted out of the job, is finally packing up his, um, stuff and moving on. Replacing him is Complex EIC Jimmy Jellinek. Before Complex, Jellinek was a founding editor of the U.S. FHM. Which means that guys from FHM's launch team now helm four men's mags: Jellinek at Stuff, Ed Needham at Maxim, Tony Romando at Sync, and Scott Gramling at FHM. It's like The Washington Monthly over there, but with boobies instead of welfare reform.

A Gawky congratulations to Jon Fine, former Advertising Age slave and mediabistro founder Laurel Touby's arm candy devoted husband, who will be writing a weekly media column for BusinessWeek. Funny, we somehow missed the "Major Biz Title Seeks Weekly Columnist" listing amongst all the editorial assistant ads on the 'bistro.

jessicagawker: Hello, handsome!
jessicagawker: Saw your pics from the dinner — looking hot! Love the white Fedora, very Panama Jack.
jessicagawker: So, Paula Abdul... Are you really that surprised?
jessicagawker: C'mon: If YOU were anywhere near Corey Clark, you would've done the exact same thing.

You didn't think the Times' new Thursday Styles could out-gay itself after Mr. Seersucker and naked swimming? Oh, honey, think again. JO

TAB TERROR COMES TO AN END!

· Drudge rushes to his gal pal Ann Coulter's defense when a student asks her about anal sex. How rude — everyone knows Drudge is the only one who talks to Annie about assfucking. [Drudge Report]
· Inside Nerve's offices, a world of impotent pain. [Work]
· The Politicker wonders why there are no important, politically engaged blogs in New York City. The short answer: everyone's too busy at the Magician's happy hour. [Politicker]
· Another stab at televisions in taxis — but will the sitcom dialogue drown out the sweet sound of bhangra? [Gothamist]
· Can someone please explain why model Stephanie Seymour insists on wearing sheer black items? Let's mix it up a little bit. [Getty]

Today's installment of Radar Trading Cards features Mighty Maer's trusted second, executive editor Drew Lee. A once-upon-a-time New Yorker, he decamped to Talk in late 2001 along with Roshan. When Talk tanked, just a few months later, Tina Brown gave the news at a 5 p.m. meeting, from which the sad staff crawled to a local pub and then, later, Lee's placeapparently, according to Keith Kelly, a "spectacular East Village pad." (A year later, when Kelly revisited the day the Talking died, we also learned that Lee's apartment is a duplex.) Post-Talk, he then spent some time editing front-of-book at Bonnie-era Us before rejoining Roshan for O.G. Radar. JO

So, for tax purposes, is this trip business or personal? JO

We briefly mentioned yesterday that Oprah has been teasing some sort of reveal involving a "child," but what is Oprah really talking about?

And sometimes, that's all you need.
(Yeah, we know you can read the sports without registering. But really, after seeing that story, would you want to?)
UPDATE: Our login is intermittently working! We briefly got into Page Six but, upon logging out to test the system, were unable to log back in. DEVELOPING...