You didn't really want breakfast, anyhow.

Yes, and the Sith will do all the yardwork.

· Journalists love them some objectivity. The public doesn't so much. What a crazy odd couple! [E&P]

In their rush to beat the competition to topical humor pieces suitable for next year's Oscar season, overzealous VanityFair.com editors mistakenly cribbed from a dog-eared copy of Johnny Carson's Best Monologue Punchlines of 1979 to cap their otherwise hilarious online poll.

So many possibilities for captions, so little time. (Click to enlarge)

We've had a lot of wonderful editions of the Look Book but, without question, this week's edition features perhaps the most fantastic man on the street since Brooklyn hipsters donned their diapers. If you couldn't already guess, the man at right is Bobby Vita, an electrical contracter from Astoria. Bobby likes rear-entry pornos and expressing his feelings with all sorts of women; and while his track suit may say Puma, Bobby knows it's really Armani in disguise. In her weekly panel of Manhattan's toughest fashion police, Intern Alexis rounds up Sarah Brown, Anne Kislevitz, and Allison Lorentzen for commentary.

Surely you haven't forgotten: After a few days of glitches, errors, and general server diarrhea, the Post did its best to require all users to register for its online service, thus asking that we all fork over some personal (and probably false) personal info in order to receive a super-fantastic login and password. The whole thing would have been only marginally irritating, had the registration process not been a three-day detour into fuck-uppery.

Bertelsmann, the German company that owns most things printed on paper, burned onto circular discs, and probably you in some fashion, has had it up to here with the US magazine business. So — their subsidiary Gruner + Jahr is throwing them all out at once and shouting "think fast!" Meredith Corp. bought Parents, Child, Fitness, and Family Circle, and they might be forced to take Inc and Fast Company too. Bertelsmann cheerfully refers to this dump as "spinning off" their US magazine business. You know, like "Joey."

The events of today prove that it is, indeed, the Greatest Magazine Launch In The History Of Foreverness, as a correspondent reports that no less (and maybe no more) than FOUR Manhattan newsstands are out of the premiere issue of Radar magazine. Meanwhile, in response to a previous item, another reader reports that Radar has flooded the racks of a Barnes & Noble in Arkansas.

Tuesday Time-Waster: Match the excerpt to the source. Half are from from the Times' current series on class. The others are from from their advertising kit. The results may surprise you — no cheating!

Oh, sweet Yahweh from above, today's the day! Today's the day Radar goes on sale! Today! Radar! Sale! OMG! Radar! Palindrome!

If you're extremely immature, this week's Talk of the Town is a must-read.

After we broke yesterday's news that NY Press publisher Chris Rohland is resigning, tens of, well, tens of people clamored to fill his Nevadan shoes. (And for shame; his body's not yet cold.) We'd like to vouch for one applicant in particular:

If the Times wants you to pay for content, the least we here at Gawker can do is persuade you it's not worth it.

alex: Huh. Lizz Winstead's suing air america.
jessica: like they have a fucking dime for her.
alex: she can never catch a break, that one.
jessica: that's like suing your 8th grade boyfriend.
jessica: if she can never catch a break, it's because of dumb moves like that. and i'm sympathetic, believe me. but dude, lizzie, CMON.
alex: huffington will take care of her.
jessica: arianna will take lizz under her gilded greek wings.
jessica: and is there anything more sad then seeing your cat fail to hork up its hairball?
alex: ...
alex: that's a tough one
jessica: it's so sad and i can't help him.
alex: this is how i feel about Lizz Winstead.
jessica: the gawker media cat is in crisis.

Just because international energy behemoth BP has a green logo doesn't necessarily mean they're the good guys. Just a few days after financial pillar Morgan Stanley announced that all of their advertisements would be automatically pulled from any edition of a print publication featuring "objectionable editorial content," BP has followed suit:

· What's the matter with the media? Digital something or other. The cure? Let women-folk watch soaps at work. [WSJ]

In this week's review of the New York Times Book Review, Intern Alexis comes to the defense of Everything Bad Is Good For You and, in the process, manages to reprint an IM conversation about The O.C. finale. We let her keep it in the final copy, purely out of respect for Trey and admiration for Marissa's solid gunplay. After the jump, Alexis explores NASCAR and pop culture in her review for the common man.

Remember Dawn Eden? Overreaching copy editor, blogger, Jew for Jesus, crusader for Embryonic Rights, chaste object of George Gurley's affection?

We just got off the phone with New York Press publisher Chris Rohland, who cheerfully confirmed the latest chatter: As of May 27, he will be resigning. He tells us, "I've just decided to pursue other projects. Ultimately, it's time for me to go." Rohland plans on doing some consulting work (read: sunbathing) but, after 15 years in publishing, doesn't intend to leave the industry. "I'll eventually land somewhere else," he says.