Looking At The Look Book
We've had a lot of wonderful editions of the Look Book but, without question, this week's edition features perhaps the most fantastic man on the street since Brooklyn hipsters donned their diapers. If you couldn't already guess, the man at right is Bobby Vita, an electrical contracter from Astoria. Bobby likes rear-entry pornos and expressing his feelings with all sorts of women; and while his track suit may say Puma, Bobby knows it's really Armani in disguise. In her weekly panel of Manhattan's toughest fashion police, Intern Alexis rounds up Sarah Brown, Anne Kislevitz, and Allison Lorentzen for commentary.
In his spare time, says Bobby: "I hang out. I go have dinner. I go have lunch. Union dinners, union lunches." What does Bobby do for breakfast?
From the looks of things, Bobby gets his morning crying jag done in the shower, slams back a few Tabasco-and-vodkas, and then gets to putting two coats of wax on George McFly's Beemer.
What sort of ladies does Bobby "express his feelings with"?
Ladies who Union lunch? Probably some high-caliber broads like Angie Jolie, Julie Roberts, Nicky Kidman, Cammie Diaz. When did it become acceptable for just anyone on the street to call Robert DeNiro Bobby? I bet he says Marty Scorcese, too. I bet they all go fishing together once a month at Bobby Vita's place in Hollywood, Florida — bring the girls, you know, have a little fun, cut loose, just shoot the shit. I've got an insider tip for you: Bobby's place smells like rotten meat and vanilla lotion.
What happened when Amy Larocca's interview with Bobby ended? When the tape recorder "turned off," if you will.
A lot of talking, a lot of crying, a lot of sharing. Amy opened up about her divorce for the first time. Bobby lent Amy his dog-eared copy of The Celestine Prophecy. Amy let Bobby express his feelings with her. They just lay there afterwards, looking up at the ceiling, fingers interlaced, the sounds of the city outside, and they didn't even have to talk, you know? Sometimes it's just like that.
How does one create Armani from Puma? Is there a scientific method, or is it like turning water into wine?
I'm no alchemist, but I think it's pretty safe to say that it involves unicorn blood and using Donatella Versace's skull as a sieve.
Anna Kislevitz, MTV Networks Badass
In his spare time, says Bobby: "I hang out. I go have dinner. I go have lunch. Union dinners, union lunches." What does Bobby do for breakfast?
I'm thinkin' for breakfast Bobby does his own interpretation of a Hungry Man meal. One of those 'No one fights like Gaston' samplers complete with six raw eggs and a rib eye served still in the cow. After all, where else does he get the stamina to find limited edition Puma by Giorgio Armani threads?
What sort of ladies does Bobby "express his feelings with"?
If you asked Bobby what sort of women he 'expresses his feelings with', he would probably flash you a picture in his Le Sport Sac by Prada wallet of a sultry European blonde that we've probably seen featured on Joe Millionaire screeching "He's Riiich!" In real life, he's most likely dating Marla Hooch.
What happened when Amy Larocca's interview with Bobby ended? When the tape recorder "turned off," if you will.
When the interview was over, Bobby most likely dropped Amy a pick up line most often heard in places like Sound Factory. Something along the lines of, "Do you have a needle and thread? Cause I'm RIPPED." Once rejected, he most likely sauntered out of the room as if nothing happened, stopped at Sephora, and picked up some Soul Glow and a pocket mirror.
How does one create Armani from Puma? Is there a scientific method, or is it like turning water into wine?
One creates Armani from Puma the same way all the vendors in Chinatown do: by LYING.
In his spare time, says Bobby: "I hang out. I go have dinner. I go have lunch. Union dinners, union lunches." What does Bobby do for breakfast?
It's probably just the sweatsuit, but when I look at Bobby, I flash back to the annual pancake breakfast that took place in my hometown on Marathon Day (I grew up in Hopkinton, MA where the Boston Marathon starts). My dad would walk me down to the basement of the Unitarian church where members of the local Lion's Club dished out stacks and stacks of pancakes and their wives weaved through the folding tables with pots of coffee and jars full of maple syrup. Can't you just see Bobby eating pancakes? Well, maybe not with the Prada sunglasses or the Rolex, but even so, he seems like a stack-o-pancakes sort of guy to me.
What sort of ladies does Bobby "express his feelings with"?
The Yankees suck.
What happened when Amy Larocca's interview with Bobba ended? When the tape recorder "turned off," if you will
Is Amy a Yankee's fan? If so, somebody should tell her that she's living in Red Sox Nation. But seriously, I'm a little worried about Amy. Has anyone seen her since the interview? Has she been hiding out in her apartment watching all those old Sopranos episodes she netflixed? Someday will all verbs be based on websites and mail-order video products?
How does one create Armani from Puma? is there a scientific method, or is it like turning water into wine?
I witnessed a lot of bread turned into the body of Christ in my youth, but I can assure you, my priest never messed with the Holiness of his wardrobe. You gotta admire a guy who takes his fashion seriously enough to practice transubstantiation.
