The only thing that seems to fire Michelle Rodriguez's pistons faster than the thought of $2 Mojito Madness night and the ensuing, S-shaped joyride home, is the hard time she has to do once she gets caught. Rodriguez made her 65-hour stint in a Hawaiian prison sound like an overnight pajama party with the Pink Ladies. ("It was so cool....Drawing pictures for everybody on their shirts...singing showtunes with the girls.") Since the crime violated parole for a previous arrest in LA, Rodriguez was undoubtedly thrilled to learn she's been sentenced to an additional 60 days of jail time:

Somewhat unsurprisingly, serial drunken joyrider and former Lost star Michelle Rodriguez did not find being locked up for 65 hours with several hundred hard-bodied hardened, female criminals to be a cruel and unusual punishment. To hear her describe it, her weekend in all-girl detention was wall-to-wall talent shows and arts and crafts classes:

The Honolulu Star Bulletin was on hand at yesterday's sentencing of repeat offender Michelle "The Drunk and The Furious" Rodriguez, who opted for a five-day prison sentence (she has four days left to serve) over 240 hours of community service. The report notes several bizarre comments made by the actress, including a plea for leniency on the grounds that she only got her driver's license seven years earlier for a "car racing movie" and that all of her driving experience "started and was acquired from car racing school." Even stranger was her explanation of her wild belligerence upon her arrest, during which she dared the cops to "put a gun to my head and shoot me!":

Michelle Rodriguez's firewater-fueled adventures through the Hawaiian judicial system are soon to come to an end, as the actress has been sentenced for her December DUI arrest:

In the end, Lionsgate's plan to buy themselves a SAG award by sending out an unprecedented 130,000 Crash screeners to every living SAG member (last paying gig Thug #3 on Magnum P.I.? You get a screener!) proved to be a winning strategy, as the movie took a best film ensemble trophy at yesterday's SAG awards. Shut out of the proceedings was Brokeback Mountain, a clear message from voters that it requires more actorly skill to pretend to be racist than it does to pretend to be gay. Other winners included Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote, Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line, the cast of Lost for best ensemble TV drama and, in a turn of events sure to have resulted in Ari Emanuel launching a plate of Chinese food at his plasma screen, the cast of Desperate Housewives for best ensemble TV comedy.

An ABC series you won't be hearing Steve McPherson complain about any time soon is Lost, that rare show which manages to remain both a huge critical (it just won the Golden Globe for best dramatic series) and ratings hit. And in much the way salary allotment works in your workplace, Lost's entire cast has just been rewarded for a job well done with a huge pay increase:

Lost star Naveen Andrews was born to an Indian family and raised in South London; at age 16, he ran off with his math teacher, Geraldone Feakins, who bore him a child in 1992; heroin and alcohol addiction in his 20s nearly killed him, only to see the actor sober up, land on a hit American TV series, and live happily ever after with the much older love of his life, girlfriend Barbara Hershey. Andrews appeared to have finally found some stability in his life. Only, not so much:

It's interesting to watch the drunk driving arrests of Lost actresses Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros play themselves out, as a sort of good souse/bad souse pattern appears to be emerging, with Rodriguez taking on the role of dissident dipsomaniac to Watros' cool and contrite. At their recent arraignment hearing, Watros turns on the waterworks (through a worded statement read by her lawyer, of course) and gets a slap on the wrist; but "Four Strikes" Rodriguez isn't swerving away quite that easily:

With the season of holiday parties upon us, you may notice an increase in sobriety checkpoints on the road. Should you find yourself in the mortifying situation of being stopped after having had one too many, remain calm and cooperative. Alternately, you can choose the route Lost's Michelle Rodriguez opted for upon her recent DUI arrest angrily requesting to have the officer blow your brains out:

It's hard not to feel a little sorry for crapulent, lead-footed Lost star Michelle Rodriguez. She gets popped for one teensy little DUI (OK, it wasn't exactly her first) and now all of her vehicular peccadillos become instant headlines. It's merely speeding tickets today, but we shudder to think about what the sensationalist media will do the next time she has a couple of wrap party mai tais, coincidentally sideswipes a wild boar on the way home (hey, since when do feral pigs wear grass skirts and leis?), and in the ensuing post-traumatic panic, tries to drive her car from Oahu to L.A.

If there's one thing we know we can rely on in this world, it's The Smoking Gun's ability to delight us in the wake of virtually every celebrity-related legal run-in. They've already obtained the mugshots of seemingly pie-eyed Lost motorists Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros, who were arrested in Honolulu last night under suspicion of pounding too many mai tais before getting behind the wheel. (If you get close enough to your monitor, you can catch a whiff of the rum fumes rising off their images. Try it, it's fun!) And kudos to the police photographer who obviously denied them access to Visine until after the shoot, a bold choice that really paid artistic dividends.

Two stars of ABC's Gilligan's Island-with-polar-bears-and-guns remake Lost have been arrested for drunk driving:

• Aileen Mehle (aka: Suzy ) the gossip columnist who once said, I'm here to stay, like Mount Rushmore, is retiring her column after 50 years. Mount Rushmore says it will give it another year or two before packing it in and moving to Boca Raton. [Page Six]