Perhaps you have noticed that I am obsessed with the MTV "reality" show The Hills. It seems like a lot of you are, too! And, like, every celebrity magazine, and even Real Newspapers, are too. At first, it sort of seemed like a joke, like a so-bad-it's-good sort of thing. We were only being ironic as we watched! But now we think there's something not at all ironic at work here.
The Hills' harlot Heidi Montag and her creepy, trash-talking, gross fiancé Spencer Pratt have been ordered to stop doing press by MTV, after they bashed Lauren Conrad on Ryan Seacrest's radio show. THERE IS A GOD. Now if we could just get the paparazzi off of them, and maybe make them live in a cave, our lives would be complete. We have to say, though, that MTV trying to muzzle the monster they created strikes us as not only ironic, but maybe... a tad hypocritical?
The date: August 13th, 2:45pm
The place: West 45th at 6th
Sighted: Just saw Lauren "LC" Conrad from The Hills in a cab. She must be in town for the premiere tonight. Love her. Paparazzi snapping away at her and an assistant.
From the mailbag: "honestly, i hate to even egg these girls on, but i just saw lauren conrad and the other blonde girl from 'the hills' and a brunette one as well, in the elevator at conde. they were all talking about paparazzi, of course. got off on the teen vogue floor where a camera crew was waiting. gag."
We hear that Vinnie Potestivo, the director of talent at MTV, just quit. He's the guy who casts their reality shows and, we presume, babysits Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag all day. (Also, we hear his boss left last week—so is there anyone left at MTV in development and casting?)
The TMZ (it's sort of like a DMZ, but full of Anna Nicole!) tells us that "The Hills" star Lauren Conrad will not be splaying her parts on the YouTubes with a sex tape anytime soon. Sad day for new media and democracy! Apparently her official relations partner, a cyborg curiously named Jason Wahler, is either too mean and nasty for hard-core pornographers to agree to purchase the sex tape or, he couldn't get it up. We think it's more likely that there were no boobies on the tape. Boobies + internets = profit!
The Hills star Lauren Conrad has a sex tape with her ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler. The Hills star Lauren Conrad doesn't have a sex tape with her ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler. This week's Us Weekly has a four-page spread that tries to get to the heart of the matter. They rely on a couple of sources: Lauren, and a "source close to the couple." Hmm! Who??? Well, we've just gone ahead and made some edits to their item to get to the bottom of this confounding mystery.
Oh, we knew reality TV semi-star Lauren Conrad wouldn't let that New York intern Emily Weiss get her down! (When Emily showed up on an episode of The Hills at the Teen Vogue offices, she was totally all like super-intern, and LC got jealous and rolled her eyes at her.) Today comes the news that Lauren is starting her very own clothing line. Just like Mary-Kate! After all, the press release informs us that "her fashion has inspired a generation of young viewers with its California chic look of flirty dresses and trendy tops usually complemented with a signature headband." Yes, we've seen that look before; we usually call it "heinous." Even more confusingly, the line will premiere not in stores, but online, tonight, in the "Virtual Hills." Because the "real" Hills is, you know, real.
What Is Up With' is a feature that asks the question posed by lazy stand up comedians everywhere about random New York phenomena. Enjoy.
