The TMZ (it's sort of like a DMZ, but full of Anna Nicole!) tells us that "The Hills" star Lauren Conrad will not be splaying her parts on the YouTubes with a sex tape anytime soon. Sad day for new media and democracy! Apparently her official relations partner, a cyborg curiously named Jason Wahler, is either too mean and nasty for hard-core pornographers to agree to purchase the sex tape or, he couldn't get it up. We think it's more likely that there were no boobies on the tape. Boobies + internets = profit!

Sex Tape Shelved — MTV Star Is "Severely Disappointing" [TMZ]

Previously: The Lauren Conrad Sex Tape And 'Us Weekly'