jessica-alba

Why Are There So Many Types of Creamers?

Douglas Reinhardt · 08/12/08 12:55PM

New mother Jessica Alba found herself momentarily confused while in the dairy section of her local supermarket. Alba was surprised to see how many different types of creamers and non-dairy creamers they have in stock when all she wanted was just to find the one that they serve at her nearby coffee place. After staring at all of her dairy options for nearly five minutes, Alba just blindly selected a creamer and hoped that she would not have to face any more equally daunting decisions for at least another few days.

One Wedding Is Never Enough

cityfile · 07/21/08 02:49PM

Think the economy would have made some people think twice before spending stacks of money on elaborate nuptials? Not so, according to the Daily News, which reports that not only are people still having full-blown weddings, they're increasingly doing it twice. Needless to say, celebrities are leading the trend, including Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky, and Jessica Alba and Cash Warren. [NYDN]

No One Wants Poor Nicole's Baby

cityfile · 07/16/08 05:25AM
  • The real reason Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban didn't sell baby pics to the tabs? It may have had less to do with morals and more to do with the fact no one was willing to shell out $3 million. [Page Six]

Alba, McConaughey Offspring Already Slumming It With OK!

Regan · 07/11/08 06:00PM

Ah, the three trimesters of Hollywood child birth: 1. pretend to love pregnancy, 2. schedule a c-section in order to sidestep any labor or stretching of siren vag, and 3. whore out your newborn's picture to the highest bidder. It's such a magical time! And while there are critics, it's a natural response to choose to splash your baby's face across the tabloids, especially when you constantly publicly reminisce about the good ol' days when you could buy panty liners in private. And why participate in the Hollywood Baby Bonanza? It's not like the early publicity will morph your kid into some kind of poorly mannered fauxhawked skunk. However, it will get you paid.

Jessica Alba's Dislikes: Babies, Husbands, Actors And Being Pregnant

Molly Friedman · 07/10/08 02:40PM

Okay. Until now, we’d tried to give Jessica Alba the benefit of the doubt. Sure, she’s impossible to watch in any movie she’s ever made, what with her amateur acting skills that include crafted facial expressions such as “I’m Happy, See, Because You Can See My Teeth!” and “I’m Sexy, See, Because You Can See My Bikini-Clad Butt!” And yes, she made pregnancy look like possibly the most miserable state of being, unlike all those other actresses who affected the standard Glow (see Naomi Watts and even Nicole Kidman, incapable of moving her face, yet still dewy and happy ‘til the arrival of her daughter Sunday). But after reading an excerpt from new mom Alba in next month’s UK Cosmo, we think it’s safe to say the actress, who insults all male actors, obsesses over her weight, and shows warning signs of early Husband Emasculation, is on her way to becoming the next Katherine Heigl:

How Do Stars Magically Make Baby Weight Disappear? Money, Insanity, And Tons Of Booze

Molly Friedman · 07/01/08 05:50PM

This probably won't come as a surprise to anyone who witnessed her seemingly hating every minute she spent pregnant, but new mom Jessica Alba has joined that elite niche of stars who lost all their baby weight at insanely rapid speeds. But the methods some celebrities have confessed to using when it comes to accelerating the path towards reclaiming their old figures don’t sound entirely sane. From suffering through cabbage soup diets to dropping $50,000 on gym equipment in an effort to slim down at paces up to 14 days after giving birth, the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicole Richie and others have some highly unique and scary track records. Which stars drunk themselves into wine-induced oblivion and trusted online blood tests to reach their goals, after the jump.

Diamond-Spotting: Cameron Diaz Latest Star Teasing Us With Rumor-Sparking Sparklers

Molly Friedman · 06/26/08 07:55PM

Shouldn’t single actresses know by now that giant diamonds worn on a particular finger shouldn't be flaunted in public? Cameron Diaz was photographed sporting an ostentatious sparkler yesterday in Santa Monica, suspiciously displaying the gory piece on her engagement ring-reserved finger in a very blatant manner. But considering she’s just barely started dating former cokehead/Jennifer Aniston ex Paul Sculfor, and has been linked to half a dozen other canoodling partners in the past few months, we’re not jumping on the “Diaz Engaged!” bandwagon quite yet. The notoriously anti-paparazzi actress might have just wanted to fuck with her camera-flashing enemies. Still, whenever a star makes the decision to debut a big ol’ gem there, it’s proven tough to gage those inevitable engagement rumors’ validity. We looked back at celebrity diamond-spotting of the past, from the most firm denials that led to splashy weddings, to the sure things that turned out to be false alarms, after the jump.

The Love Guru Is Going to Be the Worst Movie of the Summer

Richard Lawson · 06/19/08 11:19AM

So, sigh, The Love Guru. The Mike Myers-starring, Deepak Chopra-inspired "comedy" film — about an American-born, Indian-raised spiritual guru who travels back to the States to spread his message of peace, love, and weird unidentifiable accents — is opening tomorrow, and dark clouds are forming. The doomsayers began clucking when the cringe-inducingly unfunny trailer premiered this winter (during the Superbowl, was it?) and they've only gotten louder as the inexorable date (tomorrow!) draws closer. The unfunny clips, the badmouthing about Myers, the sheer presence of Jessica Alba. All signs point to this thing being a catastrophe on an epic scale.

AFI Recruits Storied Cineaste Jessica Alba To Deconstruct Film's Greatest Treasures

STV · 06/18/08 03:00PM

Everybody loves lists, right? Especially those mystifying annual tallies compiled by the American Film Institute, which lumps together 100 films by style or some other vague calculation of merit upholding AFI's profile in cultural irrelevance. Its latest list mixes things up a little, however, featuring a who's who of talent ruminating on the 100 best "genre" films — from Westerns to sci-fi to mysteries, 10 at a time. But for every Clint Eastwood commentary about The Searchers or Roman Polanski insight about Chinatown, we've got Sean Astin chiming in about Judgment at Nuremberg and Jessica Alba weighing in on... well, we've assembled the greatest hits after the jump. Let it suffice to say that Annie Hall is closer than you might have thought to Alba's self-described, "stomach-turning" neurosis and that Cher is... yeah, she's the best. [AFI]

New Video Hints Mike Myers Less Than Two Weeks From Claiming America's Anti-Comedy Crown

STV · 06/10/08 01:00PM

Psst! Reader! Yes, you — really quick, do us a favor: Watch the accompanying video to this item and tell us if you saw what we just saw. Granted, we (and pretty much everybody, as far as we know) have yet to view The Love Guru, so perhaps the black hole of comprehension herein is purely contextual. Or maybe it really is as simple as Mike Myers giving back another few years' worth of cultural goodwill as the title character, joining Jessica Alba and a hookah-hitting Verne Troyer in a sitar-heavy, almost scandalously unfunny take on Steve Miller's stoner anthem, "The Joker." Moreover, help us with another thing: Combined with the compounded misfires at the MTV Movie Awards, is Myers slyly usurping the likes of Neil Hamburger as anti-comedy's most powerful talent? Because we could get behind this, if so — except for the Indian guy playing banjo. There is absolutely no excusing Indian banjo players. [Paramount]

The Bronze Child Cometh! Jessica Alba and Cash Warren Welcome Baby Girl

STV · 06/09/08 11:00AM

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren apparently aren't playing along with the latest "hasty media retraction" trend in celebrity parenting, instead just blithely going along with reports that Alba gave birth this weekend to the couple's daughter Honor Marie Warren. As the actress was due in late May, however, we have no reason to doubt the Bronze Child is among us: "Alba's father was overheard saying, 'She's beautiful,' " US Weekly reported in a bulletproof dispatch from Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. "Warren — in a T-shirt, jeans and baseball cap — was spotted carrying food into the maternity ward Sunday."

Kate Moss Just Wanted To Powder Her Nose, Jerks

Ryan Tate · 06/09/08 06:35AM
  • Kate Moss stormed out of a party at Milk Studios in Chelsea because they wouldn't let her bring three friends into the bathroom, citing a "strict one-person-at-a-time policy." [P6]

It's Official: Mike Myers and Rest of 'Love Guru' Principals Doomed to 1,000 Years in Hell

STV · 05/21/08 05:30PM

We were sorry to read this week about the certain fiery purgatory awaiting slumping star Mike Myers, pregnant newlywed Jessica Alba and the rest of those associated with the production of The Love Guru, Myers' new "comedy" that drew such scorn last month from spiritual leaders around the country. We now learn that after a bit more finger-wagging and number-crunching, a dreadful trailer is the least the principals — and its viewers — have to worry about:

Jessica Alba Is Pregnant, Hungry and Unwilling To Wait In Line

Mark Graham · 05/09/08 07:00PM

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, we'll surely be forced to endure another Pellicano trial! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Jessica Alba cut in the breakfast line at the Griddle Cafe.