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This probably won't come as a surprise to anyone who witnessed her seemingly hating every minute she spent pregnant, but new mom Jessica Alba has joined that elite niche of stars who lost all their baby weight at insanely rapid speeds. But the methods some celebrities have confessed to using when it comes to accelerating the path towards reclaiming their old figures don’t sound entirely sane. From suffering through cabbage soup diets to dropping $50,000 on gym equipment in an effort to slim down at paces up to 14 days after giving birth, the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicole Richie and others have some highly unique and scary track records. Which stars drunk themselves into wine-induced oblivion and trusted online blood tests to reach their goals, after the jump.

Nicole Richie was back to her old uber-thin self just two weeks after Harlow graced us with her presence earlier this year, and Jamie Pressly openly admitted to losing 42 pounds in 12 weeks by "only eating cabbage soup." The rest?

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After having Moses, the current nudie pic exhibitionist says she makes sure all those pounds which initially "horrified" her remain at bay due to her after-hours habit of downing red wine and passing out in the garden. Who has time to eat when you're unconscious? Hubbard Formula aficionado Leah Remini claims to have lost a whopping 80 pounds in only six weeks after ordering something eerily called the 1st Personal Diet. Remini told TV Guide, "It's determined by the metabolic rate of your blood, and then they send you a diet on your e-mail." Why hasn't anyone informed Oprah of her computer's flesh-zapping knowledge?

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Jennifer Lopez made a public appearance looking just like J. Lo circa Diddy only a month after popping those expensive twins out, and reportedly managed the vanishing act by shelling out $50k on a home gym, not to mention hiring a team of trainers, nutritionists and Baby Weight Loss experts to presumably make sure she never once stopped exercising. Finally, Gwen Stefani candidly told Elle that she was utterly obsessed with getting her figure back after little Kingston arrived. The only celebrity to go ahead and admit that the ways stars do it is just a bit horrifying, Stefani said she was so adamant about the process that she was still exercising two weeks before giving birth. And cried about it. Live and learn.

[Photo Credit: X17]