As the resident watchwoman of the Cook County Forest Preserve in Chicagoland, USA, Cynthia Wojtanowski was supposed to make sure that nobody ever used forest lands to grow their deadly devil weed. The County's definition of "nobody" included "Cook County Forest Preserve watchwomen named Cynthia Wojtanowski."
Meet Larry Dominick, Town President of Cicero, Ill., former home of Al Capone. (That's Larry in the striped shirt above.) Larry—like several of his predecessors—is in some trouble with the law. The woman who used to run the town's animal shelter has accused him of sexual harassment.
Cops in Berwyn, Ill. responded to a report of an unresponsive 14-year-old boy on Thursday night. They apparently found him—dying—outside the home. Investigating inside they discovered more than 200 animals in the 1,100-square foot home.
What makes Kimberly Garrity the worst mother in the world, according to her children? Well, when they were growing up she gave them birthday cards with stupid tomatoes on the front, forced them to wear their seat belts, and refused to take them to car shows. This caused them suffering.
Katherine M. Casarez apparently has some sort of "issue" with her former lovahhh. When the ex called her up early Friday morning in search of some of her special sexual stylings, she allegedly dressed up in her ninja suit and went over to his place—but not alone (dun dun dun).
If you've already been convicted of drunk driving a bunch of times, you might consider showing up to court sober? Sobriety impresses judges! Then again, you can also take the road chosen by Sandra Uher of Elgin, Illinois and try to impress the judge with your commitment to drunkenness.
There was a debate on the floor of the Illinois Senate yesterday about the state's budget crisis, and Republican senate minority leader Christine Radogno got up to make a "point of personal privilege." The point just happened to be a quote from a Wu-Tang Clan song.
Are you sure that your doctor is a real doctor? It can be difficult to tell! For example, if he gives you a bottle of pills called "Prosperous Farmer Dietary Supplements" that expired in 2002, he is probably not credentialed.
Since the retrial of cartoonish former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich began on April 20, his defense attorney Aaron Goldstein has been hit with over 150 objections from prosecutors. And yesterday, the judge in the case basically told him to quit pussy footing around and get to the goddamn point: "If you are going to make a defense, make a defense. Don't nibble around the edges with stuff that's inadmissible." Goldstein has also apparently been giving "non-factual descriptions" during his cross-examination of witnesses.
Evanston, Illinois, the home of Northwestern University, plans to start enforcing a "brothel law" that prevents more than three unrelated people from sharing a house or apartment. Why would they bother? To cut down on college parties, of course.
