If the city were to award landmark status on eyesore merit alone, certainly the Hancock Park house lined with scores of leprechaun sized mini-Davids would be first on the list. It's a symphony of postmodern architectural pastiche, all white wrought iron rococo flourishes, DirecTV dishes, and the crowning touch, an SUV painted in gradient, sunset colors, parked permanently in the driveway. This year's seasonal embellishments: the letters "FHP" stand whimsically on the roof, a holiday reminder to "Feed His People"; every David gets his own version of a Jake Gyllenhaal thong; and an urban reimagining of Santa and the Mrs. snuggle up for a little mommy and daddy time after the elves have been put to bed. And should any of the well-to-do neighbors complain, the residents can always just shrug their shoulders and reply, "Would you rather an array of giant, spread-legged Paris Hilton portraits?"

We're hearing those sleigh bells jingling, sure, but we're not hearing much more than that. Why no reports from you people? Friday night brought a bunch of big Media Christmas parties. There's was a bunch of TV — GMA, Fox News, the Food Network — plus notables like Google and the CBS Evening News. We count on you for the good goss from these get-together, and so far: nada.

We're making the biggest and bestest Media Christmas list ever, and we're checking it twice and thrice and ever four times. Here are today's new additions:

Three reports from last night's Media Christmas celebrations.

Several exciting new Media Christmas developments!

In today's update, we've added ten more parties — from big names like Harper's and CBS News — and, best of all, finally found out when Vogue and Men's Vogue will be holding their big joint celebration.

Despite their management and merger woes, the Voice had its holiday party last night. A spy reports that things heated up with a sexy dance-off between columnist Tricia Romano, interim EIC Doug Simmons, photo ed Staci Schwartz, and some guy no one knew — Schwartz took all, but we're sure the no-name guy took home some sort of lady prize. Everyone loves the random dude.

A little sampling from our new younger brother Consumerist (who, as some of you have noted, is aesthetically challenged — that's how we politely refer to sites designed by Hungarian goat-fuckers):

Amid all the Media Christmas cheer, this sad email arrived today from Liberty Street:

Thanks to a bunch of tips in the last 24 hours, and thanks also to the hard work and diligence of the Observer's holiday-party crew, we're proud to present an even more comprehensive list of the Media Christmas shenanigans set for this December. As you learn about more parties, keep telling us. We'll keep updating.

While we're working on the updated edition of our big list of Media Christmas gatherings, we'll tide you over for a bit with the first actual Media Christmas invitation that's come our way:

• Oh, now we understand: Lindsay Lohan missed her appearance on Regis & Kelly because her head got eaten by Kong. Right. Thankfully, that's not so serious as to keep her off of TRL right about now. [Popsugar & OAN]
• Christopher Hitchens predicts the death of the journalist protagonist in modern fiction, suggesting that, god forbid, such characters are replaced with bloggers — a development which could really just be the death of modern fiction altogether. [Guardian]
• Fake David Cross is alive, well, and banned from a bar for being a total boozehound. [Felber Frolics]
• How to do your holiday shopping, with helpful, implicitly violent tips from the Gap. [You Can't Make It Up]
• In a piece on "suspected" firefighting sex fiend Peter Braunstein, Dateline interviews blogger Steve Huff as an "expert" on the case. Hey, if New York's Vanessa Grigoriadis counts, we suppose a blogger can, too. [B&C Beat]
• Now you can pay the very supplies AP staffers have been stealing for years. [AP Essentials]
• It's a tourist's dream: Getting wasted in Manhattan, but not lost. [NY on Tap]
• iPorn for your iPod isn't novel, but A-list Playboy porn ups the ante just a bit. But can you get it in braille? [MDN]

December in medialand is unlike any other month. Dark weeks! Holiday bonuses (or, more interesting, a lack thereof)! Lots and lots of swag — exchanged among reporters and sources and salesmen and buyers and flacks and editors and everyone! And, most important, parties!

[Click to enlarge.]

• This year's Conde Christmas lunch welcomed Fairchild and Golf Digest editors and publishers, too. "It's gotten too big," one vet sniffed to Keith Kelly, reminding us all why we love to hate the Nasties. [NYP]
• Did Martha Stewart's gang steal the idea for Blueprint from Time Inc. Well, no. It just seems like they did. [WWD]
• Rightwing loons from WSJ editorial page move their TV show from PBS to the far more hospitable Fox News. [LAT]
• Tina Brown believes Bob Woodward. And she would know, being something of an expert at becoming intoxicated by proximity to powerful sources. [WP]
• Oh good. It looks like there might be buyers for Knight Ridder newspapers, which is being forced to sell itself by the soulless private-equity group that owns a big chunk of the company. The likely new buyers? Private-equity groups! [WSJ]
• How do you know the Bushies have really gone too far in their payola gimmicks? When Richard Edelman — as in Edelman PR — blasts them for giving the flackery business a bad name. [Edelman.com]

Feeling stressed? Is all that holiday cheer just bringing you down? Has the weight of a crumbling institution done quite a number on your back? Yeah, that's what we thought — but thankfully, the Gray Lady is looking out for you:

Virgin Mobile has launched its holiday ad campaign, quasi-humorously titled Chrismahanukwanzakah. In one commercial, we see several "holiday minorities" (Hindu Santa, Buddhist Cowboy, and Jews) conducting a telethon; also working the phones is the somewhat frightening Gay Elf, pictured above.

• Investor Carl Icahn signs on Bruce Wasserstein's Lazard to join in his crusade against Time Warner management. New York feature on Icahn's clever business strategy TK soon. [NYT]
• NYT Mag bigthinker Michael Ignatieff leaves magazine, Harvard gig, and the country to rescue his native Canada from its political crisis. NYU bigthinker Noah Feldman, recently signed up as Times Mag contributing writer, seems set to replace Ignatieff there. [NYP]
• Steve Capus named president of NBC News. [NYT]
• And Rome Hartman, 60 Minutes vet, named executive producer of the still-anchorless CBS Evening News. [NYT]
• Dear Les Moonves: For the love of God, please don't make Katie Couric the CBS anchor. Please. Love, Jon Friedman. [MW]
• Conde's standard Christmas directions aren't good enough for Anna. [WWD]

Today is THE day to camp outside of 4 Times Square: it's the annual holiday lunch for Condé Nast editors and publishers! It's a little early this year (last year, we recall, the lunch was on December 22), but the glossy holiday spirit can never arrive soon enough. We're not sure what time, exactly, the food-picking is set to commence at the Four Seasons, but if you park yourself near the Nasty tower from, say, 11:45 AM till 2 PM or so, we're sure you'll see all your editorial idols hopping in and out of their individual towncars. (You don't honestly think they'd carpool, do you?)

• Tyra would not be pleased with Top Model winner Eva Pigford's cheesy photo selection for her birthday party invites. (Soiree is tomorrow at Lotus, if you're feeling trashy!) [Cityrag]
• Our passport-abusing brother Gridskipper is looking for your nominations for the best urban blogs out there; stop on by and nominate your favorite Rio bathhouse blog. We know you've got one. [Gridskipper
• Loews hotels, finally having learned of this newfangled Seth Cohen phenomenon, offers Christmukah menus. Life imitates soapy teen dramas. [PDN]
• A New York attitude isn't necessarily what they want in New Hampshire. [Boston Phoenix]
• It seems that American Media's Starry offices have been finally cleared of anthrax. Pity. [Jossip]