We may not be the president of often smug, S&M footwear devotee Gwyneth Paltrow's fan club, but based on husband Chris Martin's recent cover story in Rolling Stone, we may consider joining based solely on her taste in men. The Coldplay front man, deemed "The Jesus Of Uncool" on the mag's cover, gives an interview that reveals that thoughts both homoerotic and apocalyptic (not to mention a severe case of Brad Pitt Penis Envy) are running through his brilliant but damaged head. Our favorite moments after the jump unmask Martin's incredibly forthright confessions regarding his assurance that Barack Obama will "fuck up" America for good, his lifelong love affair with "fantastic" boobs, and the apparent gay phase he went through while growing up. For example:

Coming in at number two right after Lesbian Chic on the list of 2008's hottest celebrity trends is the slim fast phenomenon sweeping the pounds off Catherine Zeta-Jones' ass, Britney Spears' arms, and pretty much every inch of co-starvation partners Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham. But of course, when Queen of Female Mind Control Oprah Winfrey puts in her two cents on the dieting front, every housewife and Oprah wannabe begins taking dutiful notes on how exactly she'll take a few pounds off this time around. And according to a piece in the NY Daily News, Detox is the word. From Gwyneth and Beyonce to Ralph Fiennes and Vince Vaughn, these four varieties of temporary "cleansing" yourself are the current diet du jour. And of course, the question is: does it work? And more importantly, is giving up our nightly vino and succumbing to regular colonics worth looking like a lollipop head? Which celebrities are using which method, and visual evidence of their results, if any, after the jump.

• Brad Pitt spent the weekend at the Miami Basel fair in Switzerland buying a $293,000 white marble table and $25,000 chairs while a very pregnant Angelina Jolie stayed home in France. [Page Six]

It has been many, many moons since Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt broke it off, but that doesn't mean that Gwyneth is immune to the jealousy that Angelina Jolie and her multi-national brood of infants inspires. In the new issue of Harper’s Bazaar, Paltrow tells the mag that, “I may force myself to [get pregnant] one more time because the result is so worth it...And also my [late] dad said to me that his only regret in life was that he had only two children and he didn't have more." Though we doubt Coldplay frontman Chris Martin finds these loving words inspiring when it comes to slipping into the sheets with his hooker-heeled wife, Paltrow seems to feel the Apocalypse will officially begin if he doesn't. You see, she’s just the best mother in the whole world (aside from Dina Lohan, that is), and “owes it to humanity” to produce another spawn. Also? Her late father was reincarnated as her hair,and chopping it off made her go “...aaah!” An explanation, after the jump:

• Rosie O'Donnell called into the Howard Stern radio show yesterday to end her longtime feud with the shock jock, but not before stirring up new controversy. She now says that View producers—including Barbara Walters—threatened to sue her, which show producers deny. Then she went home and blogged about it. [MSNBC]

What is it about MTV awards ceremonies that brings out so many female celebrities' inner hooker? Normally demurely dressed stars like good girl Anne Hathaway and Charlize Theron both showed up on the red carpet looking like a dominatrix-for-hire and a Heidi Fleiss escort circa 1990, respectively. Megan Fox stepped outside her rep as being a poor girl's Angelina Jolie by attempting to dress like a cupcake, but the frilly underskirt just said Little Pink Ride Your Hood, and The Hills resident scandalista Audrina Patridge donned a skin-tight, midnight blue satin one-strap number paired with ironed black hair that looked eerily like what we suspect Marilyn Manson wears in drag. So why pick last night to debut their diaper-length hemlines and S&M costumes? Look no further than a closer peek of Lindsay Lohan's totally unintentional panty-flash for answers, and the rest of these ladies of the night after the jump:

• Charlie Sheen and wife-to-be Brooke Mueller are getting married tonight. The bride might already be pregnant, and Denise Richards might be planning to crash the party with her reality show camera crew. Should be fun! [Rush & Molloy]

After the jump, pics of the $5.4 million Amagansett home where Gwyneth Paltrow spends her summers relaxing with Apple and Moses, and consoling hubby Chris Martin over his flailing musical career.

The latest celebrity said to be jumping on the nudie pregnant pictures bandwagon is Nicole Kidman, who was seen yesterday attending a "top secret" modeling session for a potential cover shoot with Frenchy photographer extraordinaire Patrick Demarchelier. While he's no Annie Leibovitz, and it's unknown which magazine this shoot was for, Demarchelier is a monthly contributor for Allure, Vogue, and Demi Moore's old knocked-up-while-nude stomping grounds, Vanity Fair. So whether or not Nicole is looking to appear on an upcoming cover of VF as Demi's successor is still unknown, but we took a look back at some classic big-bellied celebrity appearances in the past to see some glossy examples of what Kidman will be competing with in the Nude And Pregnant Hall of Fame:

With the minor exception of missing out on Jim Toback's documentary on Mike Tyson (which will screen here this fall anyway — we can wait), the only regret we have so far about sitting out the Cannes Film Festival is our absence at the mini-riot that preceded the press screening of director James Gray's drama Two Lovers, starring Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow. That's when we're at our best, as were Lou Lumenick and the "major U.S. film critic" (*cough* Manohla Dargis *cough*) who apparently exclaimed, "I'm not going to wait an hour for f—-ing James Gray" before an ensuing screening delay, shoving match and seating free-for-all.

Judging by her appearance on The Late Show Friday night, Liv Tyler isn’t wasting any time moping over her recent separation from husband Royston Langdon. Showing up in a body-hugging little black silk dress, its lace top doing little to cover up cleavage, and pounds of makeup covering her typically bare face, it looks as though Tyler is taking a page from the Gwyneth Paltrow Guide To Hot Rock Moms. But does the trampy look work on Tyler? A closer look after the jump.

[Actress Gwyneth Paltrow at Cannes today; image via Splash]

As we've been noting throughout Gwyneth Paltrow's incredibly successful campaign to rack up attention during her Iron Man press tour, her wardrobe has been just this side of trampy. In the last few weeks, transparent dresses (but they're designer!), S&M shoes (eccentric!), and clavicle accented jumpsuits have all been pulled out of the twice-retired actress' bag of tricks. But now that we've seen just what lies inside the June issue of British GQ, we think this sexy train has reached its final destination. Yes, Gwyneth has dropped trou, but listening to her tell it, it's just not that big of a deal, okay?

By donning a procession of fleshy, high-heeled escort outfits over the last few weeks, Gwyneth Paltrow managed to land herself a new job! No, it’s not a plum acting role (remember, even Gwyneth herself knows she’s “the worst actress ever”), but at least it’s a paying gig. Seems after all that prancing around in see-through dresses and S&M booties has caught the attention of reputably tame brand Tod’s, they of the classic driving shoes and boring leather bags. And just yesterday she began her first day on the new job, shown here filming a commercial in Rome, triumphantly displaying a new pair of towering heels. A closer look at the pair of stilettos that we must admit we find ourselves craving, plus how Paltrow’s Lady Of The Night wardrobe selections have affected sales at British boutiques, after the jump.

We assumed in last week's Defamer Attractions column that $75 million opening-weekend estimates seemed awfully conservative for Iron Man, but even our $90 million forecast undershot the film's $100.7 million three-day take. (It was $104.2 million if you count Thursday night previews, and more than $200 million globally.) Aside from the obligatory splash for any early-summer tentpole, we're surprised observers didn't see the finely calibrated alchemy that Marvel and Paramount used to spin its Iron into box office gold:

Gwyneth Paltrow was certainly on a roll when it came to revamping her ice queen image with repeated appearances in bad girl ensembles revealing all kinds of T&A. And we did appreciate the fact that she earnestly tried to justify her new call girl look by explaining that she sucks so hard at the whole acting thing. But at last night's Iron Man premiere in LA, we fear Paltrow's hit a speed bump when it comes to comprehending exactly what "sexy" means. Last we heard, wide-legged jumpsuits showcasing only her clavicle and shoulder blades weren't topping the lists of most male fantasy outfits. But despite falling off the hotness wagon temporarily, Paltrow did manage to pose for a photo that won't exactly improve the week of drug tape-addled Angelina Jolie, baby mama to Paltrow's former fiancé.

Gwyneth Paltrow's bid to reestablish herself both as a commercially viable actress and a MILF-y sexpot reached new heights last night on The Late Show With David Letterman. After running into the Ed Sullivan theater looking like she just got done with a spinning class at the Equinox Gym, she entered David Letterman's notoriously chilly environs wearing a sleeveless top that was scantily cut down to there. After dispensing with the formalities (Dave complimented her towering heels, asked how the kids were, blah blah blah), Gwyneth launched into a story about how she had trouble performing a certain scene while filming Iron Man because she had recently injured her knee. While Dave feigned interest in the story of her damaged joint, Gwynnie recognized his lack of interest and decided to do something about it. Namely, she gave his knee (and a bit of his thigh) a nice little rubdown. While we can spout off a number of instances over the years where Dave has been kissed, hugged and even flashed by his guests, we believe this is the first time a guest has ever dared touch Dave's leg for this length of time. More pix of Gwyneth, including the lacy see-through getup she wore to an Iron Man screening last night, after the jump.

Gwyneth Paltrow has finally explained what recently inspired her to drastically change her uptight, ladylike English countryside demeanor into that of a high-class hooker using flashy props like kinky boots and see-through ass-grazing dresses. You know that standard awkward adolescent phase girls go through in middle school when they start painting on their mom's lipstick and wearing mini-skirts so the boys will notice them? Well, according to a recent interview with British GQ, Gwyneth is officially going through that phase right now: "Paltrow admits she suffers from a lack of confidence...she is desperate to change her public image...'People think I'm aloof, or cold, or that I breathe rarefied air - that's not me'." So what exactly turned the former It Girl into a Debbie Downer?

The formerly primmer-than-thou Gwyneth Paltrow's slow and steady progression to kinky-boot-wearing siren has hardly gone unnoticed by the press ever since she began promoting her summer blockbuster Iron Man. But up until now, the sexpot look has mainly been limited to her wildly high, frighteningly strappy S&M-style footwear. Now, she's officially moved on to wearing entire ensembles devoted to showing the world (and the industry) that her uptight rep is long gone. So why use short skirts and lacy, skin-tight dresses to woo the paparazzi? We're guessing Paltrow's picked up on that old-fashioned Hollywood formula used by many an actress looking to catch producers' eyes: a few flesh-baring public appearances can go a long way towards jumpstarting a recently lackluster career.

We've always tended to label the polished, well-spoken Gwyneth Paltrow as one of those overly perfect women you want to hate but, irritatingly, can't muster up any good reasons to. But thanks to her recent habit of promoting Iron Man across the globe while wearing some of the most fierce, outlandish, downright kinky pairs of shoes, we officially have no desire to hate the girl anymore. From Rome to London to New York, Paltrow's wildly varied kickers range from towering 7-inch beauties to strappy lace-up ankle booties. And we (well, I) want 'em all. A closer look at Gwyneth's racy choices after the jump.