So earlier this week we suggested tween queen of homemade kiddie porn Miley Cyrus just may have been inspired by a former teen queen of homemade, visually intoxicated porn. And, sordid as it may be, much of the Hannah Montana star's fame outside of the flyover states is quite possibly due to all those "scandalous" photos that keep popping up. Which is a good thing in the world of "All press is...", right? And here to provide some guidance in answering that question are established troublemaker and pot princess Mischa Barton and future troublemaker Hayden Panettiere.

On her MySpace blog, Courtney Love talks (and by talks we of course mean free-associates at great length) about going to stay at the London home of her close friends Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. And what revelations follow! Gwynnie cooks in an Anthropologie apron, there are cigarettes and an ashtray, "She is a slip of a girl and light as a feather" (guess those daily three-hour exercise sessions and macrobiotic diet aren't a total waste of time), and Chris is not, in fact, devoid of personality as you might have been thinking. He has "a very lovely laugh." But most importantly, Courtney sets something straight, once and for all: Gwyneth's IQ is so high, the figure can't even be named.

In light of Pierce Brosnan's brave, warbling turn in Mamma Mia—as well as recent news that Kate Hudson would veer off the Bongo Romcom highway to explore the musical theater side roads in Rob Marshall's Nine—Defamer videologist Molly McAleer has compiled a countdown of 10 Classic Musical Crossover Performances. We've ordered these from least to most successful; some of these actors-who-sing are arguably better singers than they are actors, and have gone on to cut their own records. Some are clearly better actors than singers. And some should probably just give up both and become something sensible like a dental hygienist or insurance broker. We have no doubt you have your own strong opinions on notable omissions; feel free to post video in the comments.

We’ve given Gwyneth Paltrow some flack lately for her sudden determination to vamp up her prim and proper image using everything from dominatrix footwear to bizarre backless jumpsuits but, with the need to promote Iron Man no longer an issue, the mother of Hollywood’s most promising cross-dressing duo is back to basics. And as it turns out, all those goopy mascara-drenched lashes and see-through mini-dresses pale in comparison to the makeup-free, covered up version of Gwyneth 1.0. In these photos, taken over the weekend at a party in the Hamptons, see why the Madonna make-out partner should give up the hooker heels for good and stick to (painful as it may be to admit) her lucky genetic makeup-free makeup:

Because it's been a slow news month, here is a picture of benevolent-looking actress and orchardist Gwyneth Paltrow with no make-up on. I like her earrings. She's in the Hamptons. She probably had some white wine and swayed a bit to an Allman Brothers song and then maybe picked up one of her little ones and pointed at some birds and then went home and went to bed. ISN'T IT HIDEOUS??? [LA Rag Mag] Click thru for larger, soul crushing, city-destroying image.

1) The ACRIA benefit at photographer Steven Klein's Bridgehampton farm, sponsored by Calvin Klein Collection and Vanity Fair, invited guests for "Cocktails at Sunset." A boldface-heavy crowd including Bruce Weber, Jessica Stam, Donna Karan, Daphne Guinness, Rachel Zoe, Elizabeth Saltzman, Francisco Costa, Kelly Bensimon, Padma Lakshmi (above right), Carol Alt, Calvin Klein, Joy Bryant, Karolina Kurkova, Olivia Chantecaille, Mary Alice Stephenson, Anh Duong, Sessa von Richthofen, Zani Gugelmann, Jackie Astier, Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, and committee member/host Andrew Saffir (above left) ate mini-burgers and tater tots, and bid on a Steven Klein print of Madonna from W magazine. [FWD/Style.com]

Our borderline obsession with Gwyneth Paltrow’s new look as a S&M fetishist during her Iron Man promotional Tour of Transparent Minidresses may have rubbed off on lookalike daughter Apple. But not the way you’d think. Rather than doing the typical copycat routine most little girls go through when their mom is hot, the 4-year old papier-mache donkey fan is not turning herself into a fashionista, but using little brother Moses as her muse. As Paltrow says, “She makes Moses cross-dress.” The question is: how far is Apple taking the tranny toddler theme, and does this mean little Moses is destined for an adolescence of boy-curious desires like his dear old Dad?

[Actress Gwyneth Paltrow outside the Waverly Inn last night; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Pierce Brosnan waving to fans on his way out of Da Silvano ... Agyness Deyn taking her puppies for a walk, iced coffee in hand ... Lourdes Leon checking out her manicure outside Madonna's Upper West Side apartment ... Kirsten Dunst carrying a stack of magazines and a cup of lemonade through SoHo ... John Mayer leaving his apartment downtown, en route to a gig on Long Island ... Carolyn Murphy, Gwyneth Paltrow and Elizabeth Hurley outside the Waverly Inn.

Madonna's epic reputation as a racy, sexual icon who lives life with "no regrets" has encountered a few speed bumps in recent years. The transition from Material Girl to Earth Mother circa Ray Of Life in 1998 marked the most significant rupture to her free-wheeling Erotica-encapsulated days of drugs, sex, and whispered rock 'n roll, an "epiphany" she credited to Kabbalah. But after the ethereal schtick grew tired, the older but not necessarily wiser Madge launched a campaign to reclaim her It Girl Woman cred by slipping Christina and Britney some tongue, spreading her legs for Hard Candy, and using that handy Husband Emasculation method perfected by Katherine Heigl to resurrect her old identity as a shockworthy icon of sorts. And after hearing just what kind of "sordid" revelations await us in her estranged brother's tell-all memoir Life With My Sister Madonna, we don't think Madge's reps should even bother issuing a denial about Christopher Ciccone's book. Anecdotes about same-sex makeout sessions, drug parties with studio execs, and straight-edge Guy Ritchie's alleged "homophobic" tendencies, all of which actually add up to a convincing pro-Madonna campaign...

Blake Lively's people are throwing a hissy fit over the Gossip Girl star's cover shot on this month's Seventeen. And before assuming this is just another case of some publicist overreacting and getting their La Perlas in a twist over nothing, one quick look at the cover in question actually makes us side with the flack this time. Lively's gone out of her way recently to make sure no one confuses her with Paris Hilton, but her puffy eyes, hollow cheekbones and vampire chompers on the Seventeen cover aren't helping her case. Which begs the question: why is it so hard for a magazine to shoot a decent celebrity cover? Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie and Sarah Jessica Parker are all recent victims of the same unflattering cover treatments, and all kinds of oddly unglamorous shots have hit newsstands for years.

Anna Wintour and Bee Shaffer leaving Marni on Mercer Street ... Molly Shannon on a morning jog through the West Village ... Alex Rodriguez slipping out the side entrance at Trump Park Avenue ... Adrian Grenier and new girlfriend Isabel Lucas waiting for baggage at LAX ... Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony shopping at Pucci in Italy ... Seal, sans Heidi Klum, leaving the Four Seasons in Prague ... Meryl Streep, completely covered up in a jacket, scarf, and hat, walking near the water in Sydney ... Gwyneth Paltrow getting out of an SUV in front of Gemma where she met up with Madonna for lunch ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley stopping to take photos with fans during a stroll through SoHo ... Nas talking on a cell phone as he left Da Silvano.

Remember how Vogue had everyone in a tizzy this spring over its covers? First there was the LeBron James/King Kong cover in April, then the horrific Photoshop job on Gwyneth Paltrow in May. For all the damage the disastrous fronts did to the fashion title and its editor Anna Wintour, one would have at least hoped for a slight circulation bump from all the publicity. Not so: Newsstand sales of the LeBron James issue were off 100,000 copies year-over-year to 350,000 while the Paltrow issue sold 45,000 fewer copies. Sad. [WWD]

Another little tale from the mixed-up files of Harvey Weinstein. One name on the busy movie czar's "Calls You Owe" list was Gwyneth Paltrow "re: Promises, Promises." The Village Voice claims that ol' Harve was due to call the pretend-British actress about playing the lead in a revival of the peculiar (if successful) 1968 Broadway musical. Funny thing though, non-gold-digging actress Anne Hathaway has supposedly already procured the role. Oh isn't casting fun? Your famous costars may think that you'll steal roles away from Gwyneth, but Paltrow's big name and big friendship with Weinstein will, of course, kick your ass in the end. Though, I don't quite get what all the fuss is about. Again, the show is peculiar, especially its show-stopping number "Turkey Lurkey Time." To see what I'm talking about, consult some video after the jump.

This probably won't come as a surprise to anyone who witnessed her seemingly hating every minute she spent pregnant, but new mom Jessica Alba has joined that elite niche of stars who lost all their baby weight at insanely rapid speeds. But the methods some celebrities have confessed to using when it comes to accelerating the path towards reclaiming their old figures don’t sound entirely sane. From suffering through cabbage soup diets to dropping $50,000 on gym equipment in an effort to slim down at paces up to 14 days after giving birth, the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicole Richie and others have some highly unique and scary track records. Which stars drunk themselves into wine-induced oblivion and trusted online blood tests to reach their goals, after the jump.

• Short haircuts are in fashion, which is final, conclusive proof of a global recession, say Japanese researchers. Also, it's the perfect excuse to run a picture of Agyness Deyn, which is good because we don't think we've seen her face ten times yet today. [Independent]

[Actress Gwyneth Paltrow leaving the Spotted Pig in New York last night, where she was attending an after-concert party for her husband Chris Martin's band Coldplay; image via INF]

Like the heady mix of pride and elation that fills you as you witness your own flesh-and-blood pulling themselves up by their lonesomes to take their first wobbly steps across the living room floor, witnessing some of your favorite stars' first times on the red carpet—as compiled in this Us Weekly gallery—is an experience worth savoring. Pictured above, writer's room taskmistress Katherine Heigl presents herself to the world at the 2000 premiere for The Beach in an ensemble that makes several endearing first-timer mistakes: 1. At this early point in your career, showing anything more than 3/4 inch of leg runs the risk of making you look trampy. 2. Flashbulbs' x-ray effect often reveal more about your foundation garments than you'd like to the world to know. Always match your bra to your dark-chocolate turtleneck, lest you want the world to mistakenly assume you're a Mormon. 3. The movie's about a tropical Eden in Thailand, not what happens when your trying-to-be-hip mom is convinced by a Barneys saleswoman that "Fall is all about the Annie Oakley look." Dress theme-appropriately.

Temperamental and/or difficult actors are nothing new, of course, but as alluded to earlier today in our glimpse at the new-and-slightly-spiritually-improved Mike Myers, it takes a special kind of difficult to make the "stroppy" cut. To wit, does your rep for tantrums, whining and/or demanding final cut equal or exceed your rep for such actions making your films better? Then you might be headed for the All-Strop Team, as laid out today by Guardian contributor Andrea Hubert: Folks like Edward Norton (the captain), Eddie Murphy (the leadoff hitter, if only for knowing when to take a walk on Pluto Nash), Gwyneth Paltrow (the cleanup hitter, for publicly referring to her film View From the Top as View From My Ass) and others.

Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin of Coldplay, has been accused of plagiarism by Brooklyn band Creaky Boards, the most rock 'n' roll incident every to brush the staggeringly boring "yoga-practicing, pescetarian ascetic" musician. For her part, Gwyneth recently told a British magazine that despite having been "approached to do records and stuff like that" she won't be tempted. A nation mourns. [NME]