When NYPD Sgt. Michael Miller found himself at the end of a .38 caliber revolver the other night, he just stuck his ring finger right in there, between the hammer and cylinder, and prevented the gunman from shooting him in the gut.

In Oregon, two teen friends alleviated their boredom by grabbing their trusty hatchets, heading to a local city park, and chopping down trees—just like you used to do when you were a bored teen, back in the 1760s.

It's been a different world for Glenn Beck ever since he vacated his post at Fox News, under the vaguest of circumstances. (Certainly, Roger Ailes bluntly and dismissively telling an AP reporter that he only hired Beck because he "was hot and got ratings" didn't help much to mend fences.) But life goes on for America's foremost babbling dipshit. One simply pumps oneself up with a rousing selection from the original cast recording of Spider-Man: Switch Off the Lights, silently wishes a painful and prolonged death upon one's enemies (all 85 million of them), and then steps out onto the stage of a near-empty ballroom at the Omni Shoreham Hotel in Washington, D.C., for a scheduled appearance at the 2011 Values Voter Summit.

California Gov. Gerald "Jerry" Brown, Jr. cleared his desk of over 140 bills in time for a midnight deadline. The guy's a bill-signin' and vetoin' demon! Here's a partial list of shiny, new California laws:

"A verdict has been issued for Marzieh Vafamehr," the declaration went. "Sentence is a year in jail and 90 lashes."

Occupy Wall Street and its satellite movements have their first show of corporate support: Ben and Jerry's, the Vermont-based ice cream purveyor and a subsidiary of the Unilever corporation, posted a statement of solidarity on their website.

A citizen of Sacramento noticed a 5-month-old girl locked inside a parked car, and waited 15 minutes before calling 911. Police arrived and rescued the child, who was "sweating profusely and seemed to be distressed."

A month after we watched them get engaged, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were back on E! for two hours tonight in Part 1 of Kim's Fairtytale Wedding (the conclusion airs tomorrow). So what'd we learn? Namely, that the entire Kardashian family—and Khloe especially—hates Kim's husband-to-be, as you'll see in our highlight reel of the most dramatic moments.

Signs have been springing up recently around the Hasidic neighborhoods of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, bearing a Yiddish decree that translates thusly:

In perhaps the most exciting display of obstetrical performance art since Karen Finley birthed a yam back in the early '80s, Brooklyn-based artist Marni Kotak is letting a gallery audience observe the delivery of her first child.

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of our favorite shots from the past week.

Noted actor, activist and formal toe-shoe-wearer Danny Glover fired up the crowd at the Occupy L.A. protests on Saturday.

The Frys.Com Open, by far the most prestigious of all electronics-retailer-website-sponsored golf tournaments, was thrown into chaos today when a deranged fan, armed with a hot dog in a bun, sprinted towards Tiger Woods on the seventh green.

Dissent is in the air in America! Even behind bars, the people are rising up against oppression. In Connecticut, prisoners have begun a letter-writing campaign to defend their right to own "pictorial depictions of sexual activity or nudity," otherwise known as Pornographic Magazines. Letters today! Hunger strikes tomorrow!

Fans of U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder and his Mustache of Justice might want to send him some "Good Luck With Your Subpoena" greeting cards: Earlier today Rep. Darrell Issa told Fox News Sunday that he's curious about what Holder knew regarding the Failed Fast and Furious gun trafficking sting, when Holder knew it, and who authorized the sting in the first place.

In reading The American Spectator, the top-shelf, right-wing magazine, you might have spotted the byline of assistant editor Patrick Howley. Yesterday Intrepid Patrick joined up with anti-war protesters at the Smithsonian's National Air and Space Museum not only to write about the goings-on but also—and this is the best part—"to mock and undermine" the protesters, as he admitted in his eventual report.

Occupy Wall Street, or occupy a disabled stranger's home and transform it into a drugs-and-party den? This is the choice that many Americans face right now. Either activity can get you arrested, as eight Californians who chose Option Two recently learned.

Lindsay's collecting exotic objects. Paul McCartney feels like somebody's husband now. Arnold Schwarzenegger touches himself in public. Sunday gossip is dressed in a neon green bikini and matching high heels and posing awkwardly on the hood of a sports car.

As far as gimmicky tourist attractions go, none tops the great Madame Tussaud and her house of clones. Not to wax poetic here, but there is something equal parts satisfying and unnerving about a dead-eyed Susan Boyle. The resemblance is uncanny! And even if it isn't and the wax statue looks nothing like its real-life counterpart, well, even that is something to see.

In suing the Houston Police Department, Bridgett Nickerson Boyd complains that, during the ride to jail, she was forced to listen to increasingly unpopular radio host Rush Limbaugh make "derogatory comments about black people." By forced, she means "privileged," right?