• This just in: Daily News Managing Editor, Features, Colleen Curtis has resigned from her position. She's heading to Good Morning America, where she'll fetch Diane Sawyer's coffee.
• It's possible to work at High Times and not love bong hits, but it's certainly not recommended. Unless, of course, you're purely intrested in their manual of style. ("Buddha" versus "buddha," etc.) [NYPress]
• Midwestern locals at the University of Wisconsin-Madison loathe their bourgie peers from the East Coast. What, is it the Uggs? [JSOnline]
• NB to the new Nightline: Ted Koppel is watching you. [B&C]
• Much like Paris Hilton, Al Reynolds has a patented paparazzi pose. [Cityrag]
• Done raping and pillaging (and eventually being scorned by) Hollywood, Mike Ovitz bends over NYC's art world. [LA Weekly]
• 62-foot Jesus makes us glad we live in Manhattan. [NYT]
• Nick Denton takes his moneybags out to LA and throws a party with Arianna Huffington. Finally, our slighted little brother gets a free drink on the boss man's dime. [Gridskipper]

When we walk by the free paper newsboxes, we tend to black out from the overwhelming scent of piss — so we just recently saw the October/November catalogue for the Learning Annex. The Gastineau Girls, James Patterson, Ludacris, the Chronicles of Narnia, AND Star Jones? We think we've got a record here for the highest number of fascinatingly inane features on a single cover.

Shortly after we happily revealed Luke Russert — son of Meet the Press host Tim — to enjoy renting jacuzzis by the hour with several classy young women, shy Luke went and changed his Facebook picture.

Luke, son of respected political journalist and Meet the Press host Tim Russert, enjoys Golden Tee, Xbox, and someday hopes to share a plate of buffalo wings with a hot bitch.

We're not sure when the following incident occurred, but we suppose it was before miniature tycoon Mary-Kate Olsen fled higher education for the mindless safety for the West Coast:

This angry and bitter message just arrived from a University of Iowa email account:

Always wanted to dine with the devil? Here's your chance, and it's even for a good cause.

It's official: Mary-Kate Olsen, the tragically-rich Bolivian mascot of hard-partying twins everywhere, has left NYU. You know what they say: If you love an anorexic squirrel, set it free.

A strong case from our future public relations professionals.

The Yale Daily News profiles alumnus Anderson Cooper, and it provides us with both a window into his obsessive nature and insight into his sexy silver tresses:

Thank God someone's watching infotainment crapfest The Insider, or else we'd not have heard today's wonderful news: Millionaire anorexic Mary-Kate Olsen is not leaving NYU, as previously reported. On the other hand, this axis-shifting development comes courtesy of Insider host and fellow rehab fan Pat O'Brien, so take it with a grain of salt. Or a gram of blow.

• The world's mysteries explained: Wintour spawn Bee Schaffer was toting a 46-lb. copy of The Iliad around Fashion Week because Columbia University MADE HER. Fashion and education are an ugly combination, indeed. [The Daily]
• Yankee Alex Rodriguez treats his mistresses right, takes wife to swingers parties. [Deadspin]
• We believe that President Bush is hitting the bottle. We don't believe it was because of the devastation in New Orleans. He didn't seem bothered enough by that whole mess to fall off the wagon. [National Enquirer]
• The MTA orders a cease-and-desist for the maker of those beloved iPod subway maps. [ISM]
• Never pay retail for your TimesSelect. [John Tabin]
• Pam Anderson deprives Veuve Clicquot drinkers of their God-given right to live penguin entertainment. [Mr. Mickey]

Found on Craigslist today:

And so a campus mourns.

On the one hand, we have to imagine this detail freaks the shit out of the city's Waspy and German Jewish power elite:

Our man in Boston — OK, fine, we're not that monogamous: one of our men in Boston — sends in this dispatch from the shock-jock front, which we suspect has the added virtue of actually being true:

The city's department of education is scaling back its program to recruit teachers from overseas, and we can't help but think that this is yet another way in which our public schools are failing the city's students. Seriously: How will they possibly succeed in college if they're not familiar with math classes taught by those with no command of English?

Spotted by a tipster on the streets near Penn Station:

Per yesterday's news, we're helping out the Occidental Alumni Association with their latest mailing:

With a full head of hair.






[As you may realize, this is not the image we originally had here. For reasons not worth getting into, we've decided to remove the original picture, from Cross's college days. Here's a tip, though: If you don't want things appearing on Gawker, don't send them to us. Crazy concept, we know.]