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• The world's mysteries explained: Wintour spawn Bee Schaffer was toting a 46-lb. copy of The Iliad around Fashion Week because Columbia University MADE HER. Fashion and education are an ugly combination, indeed. [The Daily]
• Yankee Alex Rodriguez treats his mistresses right, takes wife to swingers parties. [Deadspin]
• We believe that President Bush is hitting the bottle. We don't believe it was because of the devastation in New Orleans. He didn't seem bothered enough by that whole mess to fall off the wagon. [National Enquirer]
• The MTA orders a cease-and-desist for the maker of those beloved iPod subway maps. [ISM]
• Never pay retail for your TimesSelect. [John Tabin]
• Pam Anderson deprives Veuve Clicquot drinkers of their God-given right to live penguin entertainment. [Mr. Mickey]